other peoples' thoughts

wanted to share a few articles that i have read lately that have stuck with me...


Community Catalysts
this is actually a really good follow up to my last post, and a good reminder that being distinctive and different in a neighborhood can be good! while there are serious issues of difference that incarnational re-locators must wrestle with, blending in completely is not necessarily effective for joining in the work of the Kingdom.

"Humility is a critical element for incarnational communities of people who have relocated and the inclusion of people from the wider community into the community of relocators can be important. But the thing that makes communities catalytic is not that they become the same as the surrounding community, but that they remain distinctive.

A catalyst changes things, not because it is identical to the other elements in a reaction, but precisely because it is different. In fact a very small amount of catalyst can dramatically promote or inhibit a reaction. The presence of a catalyst changes an environment.

These communities often live prophetically - becoming the change needed in an area, but they rarely really look much like the community in which they are planted.  

 For sure our ethnic, class, and power differences need to be viewed with a healthy dose of caution. We must be vigilant in addressing the messianic complex which can accompany groups who choose a life of incarnational mission. We must live lives of reconciliation in every place humans have put up walls. But I can no longer dismiss a community automatically just because it doesn’t look just like the neighborhood in which it lives. In the presence of humility, reconciliation, grace and peace – differences can be catalytic."

South African "Idol"
a little peek into cultural goings-on in South Africa and a reminder that race is (still) a (big) issue there, 16 years after the official end of apartheid. and oh yeah, the white guy won.

"The real issue is socio-economic. It's about who can pay for TV and who can't. Black folks comprise almost 80% of our population, but in M-Netland they comprise only 17% of Idols viewers. And audiences want to see themselves on TV."

The dangerous side of volunteering
another interesting peek into some of the issues that I will probably face when I get to South Africa. the ironic thing about this piece is that these potential harms of short-term volunteering exist everywhere, whether the volunteers come from america or zambia, and are serving in new orleans or the netherlands.  having committed to living in places of need, i have seen first-hand the effects of well-intentioned people who send a message by forming deep bonds and then leaving soon after. i have experienced the effects of abandonment with children who don't understand why everyone who says they care keeps leaving.  this was even something i wrestled with upon my leaving new orleans--is this how my friends there would see me?  and now to see it in light of where i'm going, i have to keep it at the front of my mind when i think about whether i'm serving for my own benefit, or for the good of others.

"The psychological literature talks about attachment theory — very young children are programmed to build attachments… And so, you've got these sort of repeated abandonments — first with young children whose parents may die of AIDS. And then they go to live in an orphanage where you often have high staff turnover.  And then you've got tourists that are coming as sort of the third wave of this abandonment. Children are left behind to remember a series of these foreigners who come in and then leave them there…"   

why i love psychology
i found this so fascinating because it is such a true picture of the human mind, and the way we justify things--mostly our own behavior.  i know this is true of myself, so to see it verified and studied is very reassuring.  it confirms that i'm not alone in the way i'd like to manipulate my own memory, or self-perception. we really would like to believe that if we've ever been bad, at least that was in the past, our "old selves;" we are constantly improving and our "good deeds" more readily fill recent history. our good-ness is closer to who we are today, so we tell ourselves.  this research confirms, though, that no, actually, we're not as good as we'd like to convince others...or ourselves.  but, there's hope, as the scientists point out that our minds often tend to create future selves even better than we are now, demonstrating an appetite for redemption.

“Now, scientists are beginning to learn how memory assists and even amplifies this righteous self-messaging.  In piecing together a life story, the mind nudges moral lapses back in time and shunts good deeds forward, these new studies suggest — creating, in effect, a doctored autobiography. Recognizing this tendency in oneself, psychologists say, can both reduce the risk of lapsing into middle-aged sanctimony and increase moral vigilance for when it matters most: the present.

 ‘The main finding is that if I ask you to tell me about a positive moral memory, you’ll tell me something recent,’ Dr. Escobedo said. ‘If I ask you to tell me about bad moral memory, you’re going to give me something from much further in the past.’

Future selves may score the best reviews of all, said David Dunning, a social psychologist at Cornell. ‘People seem to situate themselves in time differently than they do others,’ Dr. Dunning wrote in an e-mail. ‘Ask students what’s important for gaining an accurate impression of them and they emphasize more their unwritten future potential than they do when asked the same question about another person. We presume that future potential is more rosy than the past is.’"

"Radical Friendship"

 Excerpts taken from a piece written by Rev. Dr. Donna Jones of Cookman United Methodist Church in Philadelphia, as printed in the Spring 2010 edition of Conspire Magazine.


       I used to know how to preach to my church during Black History Month.  We'd dress in our finest garb and process to the beats of DNA-memory in our bones, singing the songs that have brought us through.  It was the one time a year to celebrate being black; to remember ancestors gone by and saints still present...These services were cultural icons for me.
       Or at least they used to be.  That was before my church's pilgrimage from 100 percent African American, to now 70 percent African American and 30 percent other (white, asian, bi-racial). I can no longer assume any shared gut-DNA.  Even my sermon themes are different.
       Take a few weeks ago.  I was preaching reconciliation, trying to make the experience of the church at Corinth--the struggles to build gospel koinonia across ethnic, class, and religious lines--real to my congregation.  "What do you feel when folks of different races and classes move into this neighborhood?" I asked, almost innocently.  "Do they become friends?"
       Pain in the room, but honesty, too.  "No."
       "Why not?"
       "Because they have come to 'help.'"
       The response of our African-American congregants was visceral.  It speaks powerfully of the inequality of social relationships between groups in this nation.


       Whether real or perceived, we don't feel like equals.  There's long history in some of our bones of being viewed as lower-status, incapable persons whose needs are met by getting something from higher-status persons.  There's a long history in some of our bones of feeling privileged, and needing to assuage that karmic good fortune by sharing resources (money, education, energy, and even ourselves) with the "underprivileged."
       Theologians and activists Ched Myers and Elaine Enns suggest that in his two letters to the Corinthians, Paul advocates "patronage from below"--upside-down relationships where power, prestige, and privilege are turned around to create space for "social solidarity."  Corinthians is our book of radical desegregation and reconciliation.
       Social solidarity is relationship, and relationship is radical.  It is very different from reverse patronage, which is what I call the dynamic when racially-aware and well-meaning pilgrims of privilege try to balance power by staying in the background, avoiding leadership, and consciously or subconsciously withholding resources.  Reverse patronage is usually at work when folks of privilege move in to serve or live in a low-income neighborhood, bringing their wealth and social resources to an area devoid of them.  It's behind emails and Facebook postings in which those well-meaning folk tell stories of how much more they have received (from the apparently lower-status crew) in response to their offering.  In exchange, they receive character gains to their account: love, instruction in some of the realities of poverty, the coolness of slumming it, and admiration from their community.
       I sometimes hear well-intentioned, privileged parents admonish children who are embarking on a mission trip to "elsewhere" (some urban, rural, or foreign working or poor community): "You will get so much more out of the experience than you give."  I cringe.  We are caught in the terms of barter, and my people are again at the bottom of the equation: still giving more.


       Simply sharing neighborhoods with one another doesn't work to create the radical beloved community articulated by Martin Luther King, Jr. and enfleshed by Jesus.  And simply inviting diverse folk to the meetings, the demos, and the campaigns certainly doesn't work.  We need another way.
       I believe what works is true friendship--a friendship that comes from empathetic relationship-building over time.  Friendship allows for empathy instead of sympathy.
       ...My elders believed that removing the legal U.S. apartheid system would fling wide the door of hospitality and friendship, casting out the fears fueled by prejudice and replacing them with respect, affirmations of capability, and shared creativity.  Forty years later, it hasn't yet worked out that way.  U.S. citizens remain separate and unequal by race in all quality-of-life indicators (health, education, housing, jobs, economic development, literacy.)  What is a vision that will now move us toward healing?
       Downwardly-mobile pilgrims of privilege who relocate to marginalized neighborhoods certainly model  relocation strategy that moves us past our centuries of legally enforced desegregation.  However, when relationship-building does not occur at a level strong enough to desegregate friendships, we remain segregated.
       Our community's experience of relocators is that they usually reside for a season, and typically maintain their original support systems from afar.  Eventually, personal variables--or plain old "movement frustration"--cause them to leave the neighborhood for more familiar or homogeneous urban, suburban, or rural surroundings.  This "move on" syndrome points to the inescapable power difference between these pilgrim residents and those rooted to the neighborhood.  Those who come in have the economic, relational, and social capital to leave when they choose.


       We need to build reciprocal relationships while remaining conscious of power dynamics.  Empowerment issues are real, but when one group holds back in order to ensure balance of power, benefits (in relationship, resources, wisdom, and strategy) are lost on all sides.  We must all give one hundred percent, and we must offer that from friendship and relationship.  Friendship is reciprocal.  Friendship is meaningful, faithful, and artful.  Friendship is challenging.  Friendship is loving.  Friends make mistakes, but speaking the truth in love, friends forgive, heal, and make mistakes again.  We must forge ahead with the social mess of friend-ness.  
       Ultimately, we will have to learn to gather as friends, as neighbors.  We must join organizations not to integrate them (and certainly not to "help" them), but rather because we share their goals.  We'll have to hang out.  Go to the parties.  Attend the weddings and stay for the reception...
       Church is a great place to become friends.  It offers a unique social environment, rooted and grounded in love, for the purpose of creating family beyond birth-ties.  What could happen if Christian communities truly, radically desegregated?  Miracles.  
       This is difficult, and it will cost us.  Institutional ethnic churches exist for an important socio-political purpose.  They have been places of refuge where we could experience solidarity in our DNA memories, or wrestle with the oppression of systems without having to explain our pain...
       But I think the gain will be worth it.  The last few decades have seen radical disciples moving into marginalized neighborhoods as part of a very necessary and helpful pilgrim journey towards liberation from oppression.  Going forward, our challenge will be to move toward intimacy and rootedness in those neighborhoods.  This is a road less travelled, and its pilgrims will experience joy, challenge, pain, misunderstanding, conflict, alienation, recovery, triumph.  We can trace the beginning of that story in letters to the Corinthians, but I think it will end in Beloved Community. 

_______________________________

       When I first read this piece several months ago, so many things in my heart rang in agreement with what Rev. Jones wrote.  There is so much that I have pursued in my life that mirrors her call to the Church, but I have also been the one excitedly proclaiming how much more I received than I gave while living and serving in marginalized communities.  I have taken advantage of the subtle power dynamics at play.  And none of this was intended as harm, but seeing my self reflected in these words was eye-opening.  
       I had an experience during my time in Oakland which made me wonder if my neighbors would ever really truly see me as one of "them."  Despite appearances and some obvious differences, I really wanted to blend in and become a part of the community.  I didn't want to stick out, I didn't want my differences to send a message of superiority.  I have seen that while this desire to blend may have been coming from a good place, there is a difference between trying live as poor versus living among the poor.  The interwebs tells me that "among" is defined as being surrounded by or in the company of, or being a member of a larger set.  And that is what I desire.  Of course, to authentically live among any group of people different from one's natural environment, one must take certain efforts to sacrifice or blend to some degree.  But the point is not to deny everything I am to become something that my neighbors know I'm really not; the point is to dive in and immerse in a different kind of life in order to be counted as a friend with those who are different from me.  
       As I look forward to moving into Soshanguve, I must remember the Rev. Jones's points about friendship in order to keep my inclination towards power in check.  I know there will be very little opportunity for me to "blend in" with my neighbors, and in fact any attempts to do so will probably stand out even more.  But, I am hopeful for chances to become friends, to be given the gift of invitation into another person's life.  Not because I have the answers, or because my worth is in helpfulness or access to resources; but because in friendship I can reflect Christ's heart for each one of us...that we would be drawn together, and to Him, in love and humility.  

on Mission Year

over the past several months, as i have put together my thoughts and reflections on the journey that God has led me through, i have gained a new appreciation for each of the "stops" along the way.  one of the most significant places that God has led me was to Oakland, California with an organization called Mission Year.  Mission Year gives young adults an intensive urban ministry experience in order to help them learn to live lives dedicated to loving God and loving their neighbors.  Mission Year has a clear sense of intentionality and purpose and some of the most amazing people in my life were a part of Mission year at one point.  indeed, the values and vision that Mission Year helped to instill in me were very formative in my next life step of joining the InnerCHANGE team in South Africa.

i say all this to give you some perspective on the personal impact of this organization.  sure, i helped tutor kids and cooked meals for neighbors and sang in the choir at the local church.  but, for all the hard work that I put in each day, the biggest impact of Mission Year was on me! God has used and continues to use this organization (and the sweat & tears that have gone into making it) in remarkable ways in the hearts of those who willingly sign up to spend a year in the inner-cities of America.   and i have no doubt that every alumni can say the same thing.

so why am i telling you all this about Mission Year?  because, like everyone else, this organization is feeling the strain of the recession and is in need of support. please check out their website: www.missionyear.org , peruse the team member blogs, look into their philosophy of ministry, etc. i supported Mission Year today and i encourage you to do the same!

**to give to M.Y. online, please click here**

the one about race

first it was going to be a post about obama. and how historic this moment is in our country. i was just going to write about how heartened i was to see a candidate who my neighbors believed in. but then it became something more.

this past may i attended a conference and one of the workshops was entitled "would jesus vote?" this was my question. we examined isaiah 61.1 and asked which candidate would truly be a leader who would preach good news to the poor and bind up the brokenhearted. we argued over what that might mean and look like in our country and world today and asked if it was even possible within the social structures we have created. mostly i listened. i was troubled, as i usually am with political debate. politics is politics, i knew. talk is cheap, until the votes come in. and then....well, then, the winner will do what the winner wants to do. maybe its from living in new orleans, maybe not--i feel we have little recourse when it comes to holding our leaders accountable. furthermore, it is easy for me to postulate what one candidate could do versus another. but looking deeper i realized the privilege that even comes with being able to ask that question. i wondered who my neighbors would vote for. i wondered why they should even care. i wondered what those issues were that would inform their decision. the workshop left me partly discouraged and partly encouraged. i knew that politicians werent speaking to my neighbors. it's common sense really, you make promises to the people who will vote. so in a democracy, the people who dont vote are nearly as good as invisible. and essentially powerless. that was the discouraging part. the encouragement came in the vision that began to grow of the empowerment that could take place among my neighbors. imagine if they had a voice, imagine if they rallied together about the things that mattered. i think its easy to think that nothing matters to my neighbors. but do they know that they could possess the power to effect the things that matter? have they ever been told that THEY, in fact, matter?

so, barack obama. and my neighbors. i think that my neighbors truly saw a bit of themselves in obama...or perhaps a bit of what they could imagine themselves aspiring to be. forget the fact that perhaps obama's achievements and successes could have been the same as any white candidate. it was the fact that he is black AND had those successes that connected with my neighbors. it was like they were finally willing to believe the cliche that they've perhaps never been told--you can be anything you want to be. let's be honest--a person cannot be anything they want to be by simply wanting it to be. and without resources or encouragement, its hard getting it to be a reality. so as it came down to the wire, i was more confident in my decision for obama specifically because he seemed to be the candidate of my neighbors. no i didnt base my choice solely on that fact...but it mattered to me that this was someone they could believe in. it mattered to me that it suddenly mattered enough for them to want to vote. it mattered to me that this was someone they could relate to, feel comfortable representing them as americans. that mattered to them, so it mattered to me.

and then, he won. and the historical significance is not to be understated. he's the first black president of america. he will be the face of america to the world. and the majority of voting americans chose him. that is big.

i heard some analysts talking the morning-after about which came first: the chicken (obama getting elected) or the egg (the change in attitude of america). one guy made the point that blacks have always in this country had to work twice as hard to prove they are just as good as whites. and that is precisely one of the things that obama had done. i think he is extremely qualified to be president, though i wouldnt wish the job on my worst enemy, but are we not just a little bit more impressed because he is such an accomplished black man? with the same credentials and hope-laden rhetoric, and white skin, would we be just as impressed? or is his brand of hope somehow more believable, and less political, because his black-ness represents something beyond what we've seen in america?

this evening i went to see "the secret life of bees." i did not know anything about the movie, nor the novel, though had heard it was good. i dont want to give away too much because i think you all should go see it. but i will tell you i cried like a baby. perhaps because i saw it this week, after watching history being made in my own living room, or because i'm constantly surrounded by people who dont look like me. whatever the reason, the racial theme of the story resonated with me. i found the characters wholly believeable and maybe it was a glimpse into the civil rights era that i had never seen before. but i cried. i cried because of what was happening to the characters and the injustices they faced. i cried because then with the passage of the civil rights act, and now with the election of our first black president, these acts can be mere formalities without the commitment to reconciliation and long-term change in attitude. i cried because i know that there are people in our country, our country which we are so proud of at this moment, who might do the very same thing to their darker-skinned neighbors today. i cried because we are so far from equality, and in the moments when it sinks in deep enough to overwhelm me, all i can do is cry.

shelby steele wrote a compelling article in which he says: It is an American cultural habit to endure our racial tensions by periodically alighting on little islands of fresh hope and idealism. But true reform, like the civil rights victories of the '60s, never happens until people become exhausted with their suffering. Then they don't care who the president is.
and that made me wonder if we are yet truly exhausted with our suffering, or even truly aware of our neighbor's suffering.

i dont know what the historians will say about this moment in 10 years, 20 years, 40 years. i dont know how the landscape of racial attitudes will change in america in the next 4 years. but i do know that black men are still killing black men in my neighborhood, and neighborhoods like mine across america. attitudes of inferiority and hate have permeated minds and culture and have become ingrained. the lies of inequality have been believed and internalized. i know that i have privilege in my neighborhood, in my city, in my country, simply because of the color of my skin. i know that my neighbors believe that this is as good as it's going to get.

but i also believe that the differences among us serve to make us stronger. i pray that we choose to believe what is true about ourselves instead of what is false. i hope that we are not so intimidated by being created in the image of God to embrace the truth that, in fact, our neighbors have been created in that same image as well. i also know that the promise of a Beloved Community is true, firm, and real. i know that one day we will see it in full and we will not recognize ourselves. i know that it is beyond the power of any man, woman, or child to bring about--whether the president of america or the president of the block club. i have seen glimpses of it here and by the grace of God i hope that you catch those glimpses too.

For we know that the whole creation has been groaning together in the pains of childbirth until now. And not only the creation, but we ourselves, who have the firstfruits of the Spirit, groan inwardly as we wait eagerly for adoption as sons, the redemption of our bodies. For in this hope we were saved. Now hope that is seen is not hope. For who hopes for what he sees? But if we hope for what we do not see, we wait for it with patience. (Romans 8:22-25)

what am i doing?

it has come to my attention that i havent written a blog update in a while, and i havent really given an informative update on life since the "new" job began. the ironic thing is that i spend so much time checking my friend's blogs and wondering why they don't update more...all the while neglecting to update my own! well, i'm taking my turn now =)
i've gotten some questions about what it is i'm actually doing now. well, if you are a regular blog follower, then you know that, as of august 20, 2007, i became an official staff member of desire street ministries. last year was an internship where i was just placed with desire street/CURE, but this is a real job. more specifically, i'm working with a brand-new church plant called St. Roch Community Church. this church plant was born out of a desire of some core families who have lived in the st. roch/st. claude neighborhood for several years. they had been staff members at desire street ministries and returned to the city after the storm. while the desire neighborhood (desire street ministries' original focus) still looks much the same as it did right after the storm, the st. roch/st. claude neighborhoods sustained less flooding and were thus able to re-populate more quickly. st. roch is technically in the 8th ward of new orleans and st. claude is in the upper ninth ward.
when i agreed to come on staff with desire street, i knew i would be working for the new church but i have to admit that i thought the transition would be a little more drawn-out. but no. on my very first day on staff, i reported to the (under-construction) church building and was sent out to get supplies to make our one usable space suitable to be an office. it has been a crazy 2 1/2 months since then!
my official role is "church administrator." basically that means that it' s my job to keep everyone organized and the administrative aspects of the church operating smoothly. also, i've been working with the kids in the neighborhood quite a bit. i'm helping with our after-school activities, which includes helping with homework, playing games, doing arts & crafts etc. there's a FEMA trailer park right next to the church, so there are always plenty of kids hanging around. also, the church is going to be a volunteer income tax assistance (VITA) site this year and i am serving as the site coordinator. this will put my skills from NSP to good use!! i have been busy contacting universities and churches around the city to recruit volunteers, as well as putting together marketing materials for both volunteers and clients. it's gonna be busy until tax time begins!
as a young church, we're doing quite a lot. we have a monthly outreach/block party to get to know our neighbors. we've been having sunday night bible studies since february and since september we've been having a weekly prayer meetings on wednesday nights. also, our new pastor and his wife moved down in august and just last week our pastor officially passed his examination to become ordained! this is a very exciting time for the church. if you are of the praying persuasion, please keep St. Roch Community Church in your prayers, as well as the people in the community. you can check out our website (www.strochcc.org) for more specific ways to pray for and support the work of this new church!
the work of the church honestly takes up most of my time. things are going well with my roommate, melanie. she is a second-grade teacher through teachnola, working at gentilly terrace elementary school just a few miles from where we live. we've gotten to know a bunch of our neighbors and are really enjoying living on our block.

November 2005--Easy vs. Better

Welcome to this year’s showdown! On one side of the ring we have our defending champion: EASY…and on the other side of the ring we have this year’s challenger: BETTER. Who will win? You’ll have to stay tuned to find out. Alright folks, let’s get ready to RRRUUMMBBLLLEE.

Round One

As the kids play during recess at Prescott Elementary School, I see the easy vs. better battle raging constantly. It seems there is a constant “payback” mentality here, a distorted sense of justice. It’s unclear how much of this comes from kids being kids and how much is a reflection of the norms and values communicated by the unspoken assumptions of this neighborhood. If one boy kicks another at recess, the perpetrator soon becomes a victim as the kid who was kicked seeks to inflict pain on the original kicker. And the cycle begins. In all honesty, trying to discourage this kind of retaliation does not make as much sense to me as it used to. If I get kicked and I know how bad it feels, of course I want to make that other person also writhe in pain. If I have to suffer, he should too. Turn the other cheek has no street appeal here, especially in the first grade. As a part-time classroom volunteer, I’m never really sure what role the parents play in each of these children’s education. I don’t know if I am the sole source of discipline or if they are learning most of their lessons from the older kids who hang out on the street. Life here revolves largely around protecting respect—and respect requires defending. Easy wins out most of the time on the playground. It is better every time to do the right thing and walk away, tell the teacher, understand compassion but translating the gospel’s love your neighbor onto the playground is still a challenge for me.

A few weeks ago one of the girls at Girls Club was talking about a funeral she had attended earlier in the day for a 22 year-old man and his 2 year-old son. He had been shot as another chapter in a 3 year-long fight that had enveloped and ultimately stolen this young man’s life. Part of me wonders if what I see with my kindergartners at Prescott reflects these cycles of the streets. The other day at the hospital I saw a t-shirt that said “Snitches get stitches—Death before dishonor.” With messages like this being communicated to the young people of this neighborhood, I often feel very helpless in stopping this destructive cycle.

Easy: 1 Better: 0

Round Two

It is not difficult to remember why we are here—to love God and love people. But easy comes in with a left hook when I’m tempted to convince myself that this has become my life and I can just go about living here like anyone else in my neighborhood. I don’t see any one else going around on a Saturday to meet neighbors. I don’t see anyone else sacrificing time and energy to invest in people, especially when the returns are uncertain. Right at that moment is when better chimes in, reminding me that although this is my life now, I am here to be intentional and committed to pursuing relationships. And it’s more difficult and often less appealing to keep going at it in meeting new people and going deeper in existing relationships but in the end, there’s no doubt in my mind that this is so much better. Easy doesn’t even compare in this situation, given the length of time that we will be here and the eternal rewards of a deep and loving friendship. It’s not that we come with any special gift or amazing ability to bestow upon our unsuspecting neighbors. It’s only that we come with a heart to share the love that God has shown to us and a desire to see hope, joy, and life abundant flood out of this community. In only two months I’ve been impacted in my habits, my speech, and my lifestyle by the ways of this community. Easy wants me to sit around and wait for relationships to be handed to me on a sliver platter but better wins this round easily, opening my eyes to the infinite ways my heart will grow when invested in genuine relationships with those with whom I share my life.

Easy: 1 Better: 1

Round Three

Earlier this month, Leroy Barber visited with the Mission Year teams in Oakland. As the Vice President of Mission Year, Leroy knows quite a lot about being an urban minister. He’s lived in urban areas all his life and understands a lot about what it takes to really become a part of the neighborhood. He challenged us a lot during his brief visit but one of the things that really stuck with me was the idea of being present without judgment. Basically, I realized he was asking us to live here and admit that we have no idea how to live here. There’s nothing easy about that! Easy wants me to sit with my neighbors and think I know what their life is like because I’ve seen a few movies or watched some television shows that attempt to portray urban living. Easy tempts me into thinking that a college education has prepared me to diagnose and theorize about every situation and condition that I see. Better tells me that my two months of living here is not enough to be able to relate on a level playing field with my neighbors, and that I’m a fool to think it is. Better reminds me that as much as I want to blend in here and live the same life as my neighbors, my background and previous life experience prevent that on a very deep level. This is not to say that I will never find common ground with my neighbors or that it is completely useless to be spending my year in West Oakland. Rather it engages me more to realize that every moment is a learning experience and be thankful that I’ve only needed a few embarrassing incidents to realize how little I know. I’m glad that it’s so much better to admit my ignorance and open myself to be teachable—I’m hungry to learn the ways of life here and to adapt myself to healthy and loving relationships with some amazing people.

Easy: 1 Better: 2

Round Four

It’s amazing to reflect on all the things you never knew when you’re thrown into a situation where you realize how much more you have to grow. It’s not so much that I came here and had to re-learn all I thought I knew—it’s more like I’m learning about myself and about God in ways I never even thought of before. Two big areas for me right now are grace and freedom. I’m beginning to see the necessary role they play in my life and the many ways I’ve previously tried to live without them. Grace is not always the easiest thing for me to grasp but I recently heard it put like this: Grace is God acting in my life to do what I cannot accomplish. Ironically, it has always been easier for me to think I was in control, to think I know what the best solution for a problem is. Now I’m living in a place that needs holistic care and revitalization and I’m just little Emily, full of very little power to change much of anything. If I want to see this neighborhood be revived and infused with hope and light, that can only come from God. And when I need the patience to love my teammates day in and day out, that is something that can only come from God. So while it has been difficult for me to understand the gift of grace, there is no question that is infinitely better than the alternative. Relying on grace and living in freedom provide the space for me to simply live and let God do the work here. I can’t dive in and deeply change anyone’s heart, especially my own, to bring about the change necessary to fully live the lives we were created to live. Thank God that He gives grace abundantly and desires to do that work in us in order to refine our reflections of Him in all we do.

Easy: 1 Better: 3

September 2005

September 2005

Dear friends and family,

After three weeks of living in inner-city Oakland, I can say that this experience so far has been everything I had hoped for and nothing I could have imagined. I’ve seen things I never thought I would see and witnessed God’s grace in new and exciting ways.

This neighborhood seems very different and at first almost foreign. A pit bull lives next door and drugs and violence are a way of life on my block. But real people live here, get married here, and die here. People here have birthday parties, give hugs, eat breakfast. I have more in common with my neighbors than I’d often like to believe, but I hope this year makes those similarities clearer.

This month has been different from any other month I’ll have here because we’ve spent it mostly in training and orientation. At first I was frustrated with all the lecturing and preparation and I kept wondering if “regular” people moving into our neighborhood would get this intensive of an orientation. I wanted to believe that we could just slide in like anyone else but then it occurred to me that what we are doing here is inherently different than just someone moving in to have a “normal” life. I realized that we are not just “normal” people moving into the neighborhood to go on with our “regular” lives. We are here to live intentionally different lives of radical love and service to our neighbors. All this safety and preparation information is essential so that we can be wise and sensible about the choices we make and respectful about a neighborhood that is starkly different from everything we are accustomed to.

That being said, I feel like my past experiences have given me a good foundation for this year. I am glad that this is not my first experience living in a city and I’m glad that I have previously spent time working with issues of poverty, racism, and homelessness. However, I still have a lot to learn. I have seen real problems in this community, but also real hope. This is far from the comfortable and safe settings in which I’ve lived before, but God is definitely at work in this place and I know that living here will teach me things I could never have learned elsewhere. Already one of my main intentions for choosing to do Mission Year has been fulfilled—being enabled to live in the same community as the people with whom I’m working. There is a ministry called World Impact located about two blocks from our house and they have a community breakfast every Saturday morning. This past Saturday we served over 200 residents of the community in one hour! It has been so nice to be able to serve these residents and then see them later in the day while we are out getting to know the neighborhood. I think it gains us some credibility when the neighbors see us in a position of serving so they know that our intentions for being here are firmly rooted in love.

It has been quite an adventure to re-familiarize myself to living in community, especially community in such tight quarters. Our two-bedroom apartment is approximately 600 square feet, yet somehow our shower schedule always seems to work out. My roommates all bring something very unique and special to the team and it has been exciting so far to grow together and slowly begin to see what each of our gifts are. This is the first time that Karrie has lived away from home and the first time she has lived with anyone other than her family. I have enjoyed seeing Karrie’s strength and have loved being reminded that I have plenty to learn, even from someone who is five years younger than me. Chelsea has a very strong presence and confident voice. Having Chelsea as a teammate has already challenged me to grow beyond myself and what I am used to. Jessica has a gentle presence and she is a really great leader for our team. I can really relate to Jessica in a lot of ways and I look forward to seeing how this relationship grows. Heather is silly and can make all of us laugh at the most ridiculous things. Her passion for the Timberwolves and the state of Minnesota are astounding. And she really hates broccoli.

Apart from spending time in training and orientation, we have also spent several days canvassing the community to find a service site where each of us wants to volunteer. At first glance, I really did not think that this search would prove fruitful in the immediate neighborhood because it just did not look like there were many options. Much to my pleasant surprise, we have found several really promising opportunities and we have been welcomed at each site. Right now I’ve applied to volunteer at the local elementary school and I’m also hoping to help out with the World Impact after-school clubs. I’m really hoping to get some one-on-one time with a few students in order to develop substantive relationships.

My team is partnered with Mt. Zion Missionary Baptist Church and this experience has also been really great. We have received such an enthusiastic welcome from the congregation. The pastor is so intelligent and passionate and challenging; my whole team cannot wait for each new Sunday to come. Jessica, Karrie and I have already joined the choir and have loved the experience so far. It is such an amazing opportunity to be able to participate in the ministry of the church so early in our time here and witness how God is already moving.

Mission Year time moves very quickly and it’s hard to believe that by the time you receive this letter we will have already been here for almost three weeks. I am nearly 1/6^th of the way towards my support goal of $12,000 and I appreciate all the prayers and support that have come in on my behalf. If you would like to make a donation, you can send your tax-deductible contributions, made payable to Mission Year, in the enclosed envelope. Please be sure to designate your donation towards my support by writing my Account Fund ID# (05-0059) on the memo line of the check. Mission Year will send a receipt for each gift given. Do not write my name anywhere on the check, as this may negate the tax deductibility of your donation. I will be sending update newsletters each month and will try to send along smaller e-blurbs in the interim. I would love to hear from you, especially in a letter or phone call. Keep me posted on your adventures and let me know how I can be praying for you!

In Him,

Emily

Praises…

*God has already opened the doors and hearts of many neighbors for us to meet and begin to form really positive relationships*The way God has placed this specific team in this specific location at this specific time*

Prayer requests…

*Safety and protection in our neighborhood*Team unity as we develop a community culture in our house*For grace and love to abound on our team as we deepen our understanding of each other*For wisdom and discernment in figuring out which service site to partner with*For God’s love to be evident to our neighbors*For more neighbors to open their doors to a potential relationship with us*For the city of Oakland*