sometimes prayers have more than one answer

An Open Letter to St. Roch Community Church

August 29, 2010

         About 5 1/2 years ago, I didn't know what church was really meant for.  I was attending a mega-church about 30 miles from where I lived.  Honestly, I enjoyed the anonymity of worshiping with 2,000 other people.  No one knew my name, or my junk.  In January 2005, a woman who I had just met prayed for me and put into words what I didn't know I was missing--church as a family, an intimate body, a group of people who know & care about you.  That prayer was a sign of God doing something and leading me on a course that is still going to this day. 

       Soon after that, I stopped attending the mega-church and found a cool little church-plant in Chicago that was all about racial reconciliation and other Kingdom-oriented things.  The people were nice and I thought my prayer had been answered.  

       Then I moved to Oakland for Mission Year and my team was assigned to work & worship with a traditional style Missionary Baptist church in the 'hood.  My four white teammates and I stuck out like a bunch of sore thumbs, but that church welcomed & loved us as if we had been there our whole lives.  A year later when we were leaving Oakland, I remember tearing up and thanking that congregation for really showing me what church could be--a family, a home filled with love.  I thought my prayer was answered.  

     Then I moved to New Orleans and didn't know what to expect.  Some of my first friends recommended a presbyterian church uptown.  This was like the polar opposite cultural experience from Oakland, but this body was equally as warm and inviting--and I don't think it's just because I was in the city as a volunteer.  This intimate congregation was a real family and people genuinely cared about each other.  Wow, I thought, God is really answering this prayer in even more unexpected ways!  

      At the same time, I began hearing the murmurings of a dream, a vision to plant a new church on the other side of town, a church that would serve & preach the gospel in word and action, intentionally loving neighbors who looked different from each other, in order to restore dignity & leadership to transform the community.  Little did I know how it would look 4 years later!

      St. Roch Community Church has become my community and my family.  I am proud to claim and identify myself with this group of people.  I am known here, junk and all, and still loved!  There were many days when I was frustrated with the work or didn't understand why certain things happened, and I was always and constantly challenged, encouraged, and pushed to see beyond myself.  God is indeed doing something, indeed building this church.  He has allowed his spirit to fill this body with Truth and grace, love and compassion.  I feel I have learned so much more than I could have taught.  This church is a living example of God's abundant grace & mercy.  There is a real authenticity to the depths of relationship and love here--it's a love that sees & speaks Truth, builds up and does not pursue its own agenda.  

    The friendships I have here, this body, defies odds & stereotypes and really is like a breeze from heaven.  I shared at Thanksgiving that this type of thing doesn't just happen everyday.  Look around and remember that God has something special going on here.  If those other churches along the way had been God's only answer to my prayer, that would have been enough.  But how do I express my gratefulness for what He has done here, in me?  It is truly a gift to call you my family, my home; God's goodness is all over this place.

      It is bittersweet for me to know I must leave my family here.  But I know God's work will continue.  There will surely be tests & trials ahead but I believe that God will not abandon this work that He has begun.  This church is a part of me and I know I leave some of my heart here.  It is with joy and hope and eager anticipation that I will continue to pray for God to use this body to touch lives, neighborhoods, this city, and beyond.  I feel great joy & humility & honor to be sent out on behalf of St. Roch Community Church, and to see God's Kingdom continue to advance!  I love y'all!!!   

with Love, 

emily

ch-ch-ch-ch-changes! (read this one third)

did i get the old david bowie song stuck in your head? i hope so =)

so...i slightly hinted at some new life direction. here's the short of it: i'm no longer an employee of St. Roch Community Church! believe me, you'll want the details, so read on.

well, i have been here in new orleans for a little over 3 years. since coming here, i have served a largely administrative role in various work settings. if you can remember back a few years, when i posted about my decision to stay in here after the initial year-long internship, i mentioned that i wouldn't be spending all my time behind a desk. i came on staff with st roch community church in august of 2007 and since then have filled various roles. technically my position was "church administrator" but that meant any number of things on any given day: site coordinator for free tax service, secretary, errand-runner, after-school program tutor and leader, volunteer recruiter and trainer, summer camp support staff, budget adviser, board member, development team member, potluck coordinator, wedding coordinator, direct service provider, etc. there were a lot of pieces of this job that i really liked, and i loved being able to work with a close-knit group of people who have become my new orleans family. at the same time, i often wondered to myself (and sometimes out loud) how long i would stay as an administrator. looking over my journal, i see my thoughts were often on the fact that i never felt like i was made to be an administrator. i have done much soul-searching, and invited God in on that process as well, and i am confident in saying that it was not merely about the title--it's not just that i'm uncomfortable being called an "assistant" or "secretary." indeed, if i was doing the work that i felt really fit me, you could call me a monkey's uncle, it wouldn't really matter. the church is at such a young point, and as often is the case in the life of young ministries, the small staff is stretched and tasked with doing things that each individual might not really want to do. again, i really enjoyed being a part of the birth of this church that the Lord is already blessing and using to bless others, but i wondered if the Lord wasn't perhaps calling me to something beyond this administrative role...

right after the car accident (which i alluded to in the previous post) in mid-june, i was in serious life-examination mode. my friend julie and i were on our way to DC to lobby for an end to the war in Central Africa. i lost control of the car, outside of mobile, alabama and all our plans changed. (the car was totaled but praise God neither me nor julie were seriously injured!!) in the aftermath of the accident, and sensing that perhaps this experience had more implications than just a change in immediate plans, i had so many questions. what was God trying to tell me? now missing out on the anticipated networking opportunities with other like-minded activities in DC, what would come of all my hopes and excitement to be involved in this movement? would i ever get to africa? would i be in new orleans forever? what was i really made to do? i wanted immediate answers, but luckily it doesn't always work like that.

JB, pastor of st roch community church/all-around great guy, and i talked about these feelings and questions and both committed to praying about my role at the church and how the Lord was moving in my life. neither of us knew where this would lead--but then again, that's why we needed to pray about it!

about a month and a half later, and still no clearer on a general life direction, jb and i had another conversation. at that point he told me that what the church really needed was, basically, an administrative assistant. now, i really wanted to submit to God's will and actually DO what He was calling me to do....but i couldn't believe that this position that i had tried to buck against for several years was coming back to me. i just didn't know what to think! i didnt want to be like jonah, continually fleeing from God's call. but at the same time, i just didn't have the peace that one would think should come with a clear calling (and i had been doing the job for the previous 3 years and felt ready for something new).

after much prayer and conversation and reflection and tears, i came to the conclusion that i would no longer be able to fill this need at the church. i shared this with jb, and even then there was a possibility that i might stay on staff with the church, in a slightly-varied role. in the end, we realized that this was an opportunity to pursue God's calling for my life, apart from working at st. roch. these conversations with jb were challenging, encouraging, reassuring, and, importantly, really pushed me to wrestle through some things. this new opportunity was not just a time to stop working for st roch, but also a time to more actively pursue opportunities where God might be leading me.

now some might question this philosophy of God's "calling" and say, "as long as you love God and love your neighbor, it doesn't matter where you are," or "God cares more about WHO you are than about WHAT you do." and to those comments i would say "yes!" but i do think it's a both/and type of thing. at the end of the day, what matters most is our hearts before God and how that is displayed in the love we show for our neighbors. at the same time, i do believe that God has made us each with a unique purpose and while ultimately the ONE purpose of all who believe in Christ is to glorify and make Him known, God has entrusted to each of us a specific mission. just as in Jesus' day, various disciples and apostles were called to certain lands and works, even today God puts people in the places where He has equipped them to serve. on the other hand, if i get hung up on cracking the mystery of God's calling that i lose sight of what he's already doing through me in this place, then i've lost sight of the bigger picture. if i can't love God and love my neighbor right where i'm at, how can i expect to do that somewhere else? and pursuing God and His plan for our lives is a simultaneous experiment with the inner transformation that his spirit accomplishes within us.

all the while of being in New Orleans, i have wondered how long i would be here, mostly because if i were the long-term-planning type, i never would have long-term-planned to move here! i have wondered how long i would be a church administrator. i have wondered what God was up to, but never doubted that he called me here for a reason. during this time of uncertainty over my role at the church, i was particularly encouraged by these verses: "Therefore, my beloved brothers, be steadfast, immovable, always abounding in the work of the Lord, knowing that in the Lord your labor is not in vain." (1 Corinithians 15:58) "The Lord will fulfill his purpose for me; your steadfast love, O Lord, endures forever." (Psalm 138:8) i realize that even while i wasn't sure what God's bigger purpose was in having me here, and working for the church in a role that i didn't always like, i knew that the work was not in vain. i knew that God was working all things together, in spite of my short-sightedness. and it gave me great encouragement to know that not only does God have a purpose for me, but that He will in fact do the work of fulfilling it!

so, my departure from church employment was covered in love and encouragement and an excitement about what opportunities might lay ahead for me. i am still very much a member and part of the st. roch community church family. as for future plans....you'll just have to stay tuned and keep reading!

it's really hitting me now. next sunday will be my last time to attend regular worship at Redeemer for as long as i can tell. its a strange feeling because i'm not leaving the city, yet i will be leaving the body, the community, that i have worshipped with for the past 2 years. i have never been a part of a church body for that long, ever.

if you had told me, before i came to new orleans, that i would end up in a church that looked like redeemer, i would have told you you were crazy. yet, God is crazier!!! God brought me into this body, this family of believers less than a year after its post-katrina re-start. what struck me and kept me was the people, since you know, they are after all what God uses to build his church here. it was the people--their welcoming spirit, their encouragement, their love for me. it helped that nearly everyone i met there was also a new transplant to the city. but the way God answered my prayers through this body has been amazing. i have grown deeper in my relationship with God and in my ability to love this city because of Redeemer Presbyterian Church--without a doubt. i never really knew what a presbyterian was before i got here; now i am proud to align myself with this group of people. were it not for my Redeemer family, i probably would not have stayed in New Orleans beyond my first-year commitment.

at the same time, i have been part of God's work planting a new church in the 8th ward. being part of St. Roch is so exciting to me and has also provided so many answers to my prayers. this is a body and a family like i have never known--the Lord is so good!!!

at first, it all worked out so nicely--Redeemer in the morning and St. Roch in the evening. but now, the inevitable has come. our sanctuary at st roch is nearly completed and we will be moving to morning services beginning on oct 25. less than 2 weeks away! while i will still participate in redeemer community group and hope for my friendships to continue to grow and flourish, for me it means the end of corporate worship with my Redeemer family. this saddens me very deeply. at times when i have left the city, i have felt a tangible separation from the community that the Lord has given me here. one of the most beautiful things i have witnessed in my 2+ years of living here was the service at Redeemer on the sunday following hurricane gustav. i cant explain it but being reunited with that group of people, and being reminded of God's sovereignty, grace, and beauty in all the unexplainables of our world moved me deeply.

none of this is to discredit my commitment or love for my st. roch church family--i know there is much excitement and anticipation for all that is to come, but for now i am very sad that i have just one sunday left with my redeemer family.

new st roch video!!

please check out our new video!

what am i doing?

it has come to my attention that i havent written a blog update in a while, and i havent really given an informative update on life since the "new" job began. the ironic thing is that i spend so much time checking my friend's blogs and wondering why they don't update more...all the while neglecting to update my own! well, i'm taking my turn now =)
i've gotten some questions about what it is i'm actually doing now. well, if you are a regular blog follower, then you know that, as of august 20, 2007, i became an official staff member of desire street ministries. last year was an internship where i was just placed with desire street/CURE, but this is a real job. more specifically, i'm working with a brand-new church plant called St. Roch Community Church. this church plant was born out of a desire of some core families who have lived in the st. roch/st. claude neighborhood for several years. they had been staff members at desire street ministries and returned to the city after the storm. while the desire neighborhood (desire street ministries' original focus) still looks much the same as it did right after the storm, the st. roch/st. claude neighborhoods sustained less flooding and were thus able to re-populate more quickly. st. roch is technically in the 8th ward of new orleans and st. claude is in the upper ninth ward.
when i agreed to come on staff with desire street, i knew i would be working for the new church but i have to admit that i thought the transition would be a little more drawn-out. but no. on my very first day on staff, i reported to the (under-construction) church building and was sent out to get supplies to make our one usable space suitable to be an office. it has been a crazy 2 1/2 months since then!
my official role is "church administrator." basically that means that it' s my job to keep everyone organized and the administrative aspects of the church operating smoothly. also, i've been working with the kids in the neighborhood quite a bit. i'm helping with our after-school activities, which includes helping with homework, playing games, doing arts & crafts etc. there's a FEMA trailer park right next to the church, so there are always plenty of kids hanging around. also, the church is going to be a volunteer income tax assistance (VITA) site this year and i am serving as the site coordinator. this will put my skills from NSP to good use!! i have been busy contacting universities and churches around the city to recruit volunteers, as well as putting together marketing materials for both volunteers and clients. it's gonna be busy until tax time begins!
as a young church, we're doing quite a lot. we have a monthly outreach/block party to get to know our neighbors. we've been having sunday night bible studies since february and since september we've been having a weekly prayer meetings on wednesday nights. also, our new pastor and his wife moved down in august and just last week our pastor officially passed his examination to become ordained! this is a very exciting time for the church. if you are of the praying persuasion, please keep St. Roch Community Church in your prayers, as well as the people in the community. you can check out our website (www.strochcc.org) for more specific ways to pray for and support the work of this new church!
the work of the church honestly takes up most of my time. things are going well with my roommate, melanie. she is a second-grade teacher through teachnola, working at gentilly terrace elementary school just a few miles from where we live. we've gotten to know a bunch of our neighbors and are really enjoying living on our block.