since we last spoke...

as i mentioned in my last email update, i have made the decision to join the innerchange team in soshanguve for three years! the decision making process was not as quick and easy as i thought it would be, but i know this is where God is leading me.  i felt like this direction was so clear and obvious before i left for my visit to the team but then i got there and there were no sparks, no instant clarity or parting of the clouds.  after much prayer and thought, discussion and processing, i realized that it was indeed what God had been leading me to.  i wondered why, though i had felt such a strong sense of God's leading before i visited, that same sense of clear direction was missing when i returned to the states.  in a moment of worship, i got in my mind an image of a young child learning to ride a bike.  the child rides, knowing and feeling the hand of her parent on the back of that bike.  and, at some point, that parent lets go.  the child must trust the steadiness that she felt when that hand was present and continue on riding.  she cannot expect to only ever ride that bike with that hand always there.  but the symbol of its closeness is enough to allow her to keep on pedaling.

so, three years? yes!  basically, innerCHANGE realizes that the best thing for the apprentice, the team, and the community is people who are committed.  in an international context, especially with language barriers, experience has shown that 1 year is only really a start to scratching the surface of real life among a team and community.  some days when i think about 3 years, it feels like a long time (one/ninth of my life!)  and other days, when i realize i've already lived in new orleans longer than that, it doesn't seem so long.

when am i leaving? after i have raised support!
no, but really, when is that? well....the next step in the process is an assessment with some other CRM and innerCHANGE staff members.  that is scheduled for march 31.  after that i can kick start the support raising process first thing on april 1.  no april fool's joke there! i will need to have at least two months of full support coming in BEFORE i can depart for south africa. so my goal might be around august-ish, but it is hard to say at this point.

the rest of my time of travelling was good!  from south africa, i flew to san francisco for the innerCHANGE orientation.  there i made some new friends, learned more about innerchange, and got deeper into the values and culture of the innerCHANGE family.  i also got to hang out with my wonderful aunt and good friends and mission year teammates heather and jessica!

then, on the tail end of a bad weather week in southern california (some people just can't handle their rain!!) i arrived in san diego.  i got to see andrew and although we didnt make it to the black market bakery, we had a good time driving up through orange county and andrew dropped me off in anaheim for the CRM training. (not sure if i have mentioned this before, but CRM is the umbrella ministry organization which innerCHANGE is connected to) i enjoyed some lovey hospitality, and made some new friends there too. we enjoyed a lovely january day on the beach!  our first part of training was a spiritual retreat to focus on the first thing of importance, our relationship with God!  the  rest of the time was really focused on support-raising training. it's kind of daunting to think about raising money, but i'm excited to see how God moves!

then, on the last leg of my trip, i made it back to chicago to see the fam! and also to see jessica get married! i had such a wonderful time, but it sure does get cold up there in the winter : )

then.....the SUPERBOWL!!!!!! who woulda thunk, when i planned this trip in november, that the saints would be in the superbowl???? i mean, they were having an amazing season, but really. come on. the saints?  but oh yes, the saints!  so, since i wasn't back with my new orleans family, my parents and i had our own new orleans style celebration in deerfield, complete with gumbo, bread pudding, and beads.  and then, you know how it ends, THE SAINTS WON!!! WHOOOOO DDDAATTTTT!  
oh man, if you're not from or weren't in new orleans on this most-apocalyptic day, you just cant understand.  i mean, i wasn't there so i can't REALLY understand but i know it was just absolute craziness. but in the most beautiful way (so i've heard!)

i got back to new orleans in time for the big victory parade, which had an estimated 800,000 people in attendance.  CRAZY!  after that, i got swept up straight away in the craziness surrounding the saints victory, mardi gras parades, and re-connecting with friends after being away for so long.  (i definitely believe that mardi gras is one of those things that everyone should experience at least once in life.  most of it is nothing like the bourbon street debauchery that most people think of.  just good, clean, fun.  and lots of plastic beads!)

after alllll that, i'm finally getting back to the normal craziness of life. i'm working a bit and preparing for support raising. i'm excited to share some opportunities for you to join in what God is doing!

on the benefits of traveller's sickness

I must confess that my major concern and anxiety (even in the face of Philippians 4) regarding my travels was getting sick. I wasn’t that nervous about my safety or if I’d get along with the other team members. I honestly wasn’t even that worried about the long flights. But, I found that after a few days of being in Soshanguve, I was nervous about every thing I put in my mouth to eat or drink. It was beginning to get a bit paralyzing! During your pre-trip visit to the travel clinic to get immunizations and other preparations, they try to scare you about all the possible risks and illnesses that could befall any innocent traveler. And I, for one, do not like getting sick. As many people know, it has gotten to the point of distancing myself when I may perchance be exposed to any number of my friends who may be sick at any given time. It definitely inhibits any potential compassion that may come from me. So at any rate, I didn’t want to get sick and I was finding it to consume much of my thoughts. I of course still wanted to enjoy myself and be immersed in the experience; I was just finding it hard to shake these fears.

And then it happened… I was getting ready to go out for a day of planned activities with Luc on Monday and bam! “the runny tummy” as the team calls it. And that was it—that did me in for the next three days. I knew it wasn’t just any random stomachache, but instead one of those that just doesn’t feel better with time and trips to the bathroom. This would just have to be suffered through. And so while I’d love to be able to recount for you what I did each day during my second week in the township, most of it was spent napping and just taking it easy to allow my body time to recover. And while I didn’t enjoy feeling ill and wouldn’t recommend it for other travelers, I can honestly look back and appreciate the experience.

i can recall wednesday morning, being so frustrated with the whole situation. Luc had planned to push Monday’s activity back to Wednesday but I was still feeling a bit weak on Wednesday. I knew in my heart and my mind that God was still in control and his plans were best, but it still irritated me. “I came all the way here to get sick?? That just seems like a waste of time!” I complained to God. It was a very tangible demonstration of when james wrote that we do not know what tomorrow will bring. in the same moment that I fretted over not understanding the bigger purpose of it all, God’s gentle voice reassured me that even if I didn’t understand it or it didn’t make sense, He still in fact had a plan, that made sense in the bigger sense, and that was all the sense that mattered. I was reminded, gently, how small and immediate-minded I am and how much bigger and eternally-focused God is. God’s plans are always better than what we can hatch up—even when we decide to do something that promotes God’s name. I don’t get the sense that God didn’t want us to do what Luc had planned, or that in some way God was trying to teach me I should not have come to South Africa at all. No, instead he used the time of doubt to make clear His control.

Another benefit of my illness, and something that I thank God for, was the opportunity to read “The New Friars”. this was a book that I had run into on several occasions and had added to the mental list of books that I wanted to read, someday. I don’t remember even how it got brought up, but Luc had it and offered to let me read it. Now, I am not a fast reader, but the task came upon me to finish a 185-page book in 4 days! That’s unheard of for me. But it pushed me to be more deeply involved and invested, instead of reading a few pages here and there and then coming back to it after a break of several days. What an amazing thing to be able to read this book which recounts stories of historical and modern friar movements that are reaching out to love the poor and marginalized in Jesus’ name. sure, I could have picked up this book at any of the other myriad times when I came across it. Surely some of what I could have read would have stuck with me. But there is something so valuable about reading a book that speaks directly to the circumstances you find yourself in. Innerchange was one of the “new friar” communities that the author profiled and indeed I witnessed firsthand this ministry on the margins.

And to be honest, it really made me question if this is something I can do. No wait, scratch that. This is NOT something I can do…though it is something that can be done through God’s power in me. Reading the descriptions of slum communities built on garbage mountains and missionaries going to join the poor in absolute desperate conditions reminded me how much I value my personal comfort. Yes I want the poorest of the poor to know Christ’s love and yes I believe that incarnating among people is the best demonstration of Jesus’ actions. But me??? Living among the garbage? Or among the shanty-tin shacks with no plumbing?? The Lord in his infinite wisdom saw to it that in my sickness, I would be afforded the chance to read this book and really crystallize some of my fears and questions about doing the type of ministry that I had come to visit. Perhaps if I had not been sick, and had not read the book, I would have glossed over some of the harder realities of life in the township. Perhaps I would have missed out on some of the conversations with the team that my reading of this book, and marinating on its examples, spurred among us.

Another reason why I’m thankful for this sickness is that it really forced me to slow down. I definitely didn’t think I was coming to South Africa for vacation and even though luc had told me about innerchange’s emphasis on “be”ing rather than “do”ing, I didn’t really know what to expect. Well every step of the way, I was reminded that the priority (in Innerchange…and in God’s kingdom) is people over programs or agendas. The priority was my wellness, not rushing along to accomplish a plan or check off to-do’s. I love restful time but I do not make it a habit. It really is missing the forest for the trees because I often find myself utterly exhausted, even though God has built into His plan a weekly time, devoted just to resting. Sometimes, when we forget that, He sends along nice little reminders to get our attention.

Another reason to be thankful for my sickness, and perhaps a theme that I have stumbled upon, is the gift of my worst fears and anxieties coming true. It’s like when I got into the car accident this summer—I realized soon after that that was my worst nightmare come true. Not only physically, but spiritually too—I had lost all control. In the case this past week with my sickness, it was exactly the thing I was hoping and praying did not happen. This could turn us again to why’s, especially because I know there were others in fact praying for this too. Well, it doesn’t convince me that God does not answer prayers. No, like I said before, I think God answered these prayers in the way that was best. We are limited in our perspective, so we are limited in our prayers. That is why he says he’ll give us abundantly more than we could ask or imagine—our little minds can’t handle His goodness! So, I was afraid of getting sick and then it happened. And I survived. Should this give me an invincible attitude always? Not necessarily. I don’t think this implies some sort of special magical anointing that means that bad things will never happen to me. But I do think it’s a pretty clear and good signal that even when bad things happen, those things do not have the last word. does that mean that the things that I fear will not happen? Or that my mind’s power will in fact continue to bring them to bear? Or that God was somehow punishing me for something? No, I don’t think so. But this builds my faith that even when my “worst-case-scenarios” become reality, God is still faithful and has not changed. He is with me all along and compassionate to me.

T -13 days!

SO i'm leaving for south africa in 13 days!! i cannot believe how quickly the time has flown (didnt i say that in my last post?? you think i'd get used to that by now, huh?) i'm really excited for the trip, but i feel like there's still so much to do to prepare. i know i've gotten many questions about this upcoming endeavor, so i'll attempt to answer some here...

you're going to south africa?!?! why?
short answer: i feel like God is leading me to and through this opportunity and i'm excited to see what will happen!
longer answer: for as long as i can remember, i've had a love and passion for africa. i studied abroad in south africa and since then have always wanted to return to the continent. when my job with the church came to an end, i was given the opportunity to explore any and all possibilities. i came back to innerchange, a ministry that i had explored more than a year ago. they have a team in soshanguve, south africa and i'm excited for the opportunity to join with what God is already up to down there!

how long will you be there?
short answer: this trip is just a short, two-week visit. hopefully in the spring i'll be ready to move on down there for a more long-term commitment.
longer answer: this visit will be kind of an exploratory trip. i'll get to meet the team, get a taste of the community, and meet up with some ministry partners who have already been doing God's work in the township. also while visiting, i'm hoping to get a sense for how long my longer commitment will be. at this point, i think it will be at least a year, and it could be several years beyond that. we'll see!

but what will you actually be doing??
short answer: excellent question. as i like to say, sometimes there are more questions than there are answers =)
longer answer: i'm not quite sure of what my specific role will be. this time of visiting the team will give me a good chance to just be present and see where God is leading me to fit in with what is already going on. it is a challenge to my instinctive desire to always wanna do-do-do to have this time to just be and see how God may be leading me to fit in with the work He's already got going on. i'm also encouraged by the fact that the team leaders hvae read my application and we've had several conversations and given their knowledge of the community and its needs, they see a fit for me there. this adventure has been confirmed and affirmed from a lot of different directions, so I'm grateful for the faith-building exercise!

what next?
short answer: six weeks of travels and then back to new orleans.
longer answer: i'll be in south africa for approximately two weeks. then i head to california for innerchange trainings--first in the bay area, and then in so-cal. then i'll head to chicago at the end of january for my friend's wedding (!) and THEN back to new orleans just in time for mardi gras! at that point, i'll need to put my focus on raising support in order to join the team in soshanguve full-time. the cost is about $1200 per month, which covers the various living expenses, including health insurance and funds for continued training. once i have most of that raised or pledged i will make plans to return to south africa for the long haul!

like i said in a previous blog post, i really like details, and knowing what is gonna happen, step-by-step. well, this adventure is just not like that but i know that God is leading this adventure, so i don't have to worry.

what's next! part 1 (read this one fourth)

so, if you have been following along like some diligent readers that i know, ahem, then you are on the edge of your seat awaiting installment number four where i tell you all of my big life plans. well, i am not one for long-term or big life planning (which i learned from dave ramsey recently is a sign of immaturity. good to know.) but the time has come to take some steps forward.

the short story is: my plan is to move to south africa, to join the ministry of InnerChange in the Soshanguve township outside of Pretoria!!

the long story: if you know me, then you know that ever since i studied abroad in capetown, south africa, i have wanted to get back there. i have devoted time and energy to various social issues happening in africa and remain very passionate about the continent and its people. over the past 6 years, since i returned from study abroad, a few different opportunities have come up that could have brought me back. and each time, something didn't quite connect, and i was reminded that we have to submit even our most noble, service-minded desires to God's bigger plan (because He's always got something better in mind!)

then, when i got in the car accident that derailed the trip that i THOUGHT would open up doors of opportunity for me to get closer to going to africa, i really wondered what God was up to. would i ever get to africa, i wondered? if so, when?? that experience really taught me that instead of pursuing my own expectations and desires, the always more-satisfying route would be to trust the One who makes the plans for me.

as things at the church started to change, and i was charged not just looking for a job, but with really, actively pursuing God's call for me, i was reminded of InnerCHANGE. I first came into contact with InnerChange last summer, when i met lyndy. one of my mission year teammates was friends with lyndy in san francisco, and told me to meet up with her when she came to new orleans for the summer. one day, lyndy just happened to show up at st. roch and an instant friendship was formed! lyndy was down here with another guy to do some scouting work for innerchange, to explore the possibility of someday having a team in new orleans. we connected easily right away, especially over our common desire to see God's kingdom come among the poor. she kept telling me to check out the innerchange website and i kept avoiding it, mostly because i had a feeling that i would really like it--and i didn't know what i'd do with that knowledge!

well, i finally did and i was right (well, actually lyndy was right).... learning what innerchange was all about was like reading the secret desires of my heart, made public and carried out by other people around the world! i couldnt believe it! a christian order among the poor.....sharing the gospel in word and deed.....relationships are foundational....a joyful spirit at pursuing life among the poor....living in intentional community...commitments to humility, simplicity, purity, service, prayer... (sounds a lot like mission year, but with the intentionality of nurturing people to make a lifestyle of ministry among the poor, not just a year-long experience) i was immediately faced with the deep sense that, having read this and gained the knowledge that a ministry like this existed, my life would never be the same. i didn't know what that meant or when it would take effect, but i knew God was at work. at the same time, and for all my wondering about how i ended up in New Orleans, i had a feeling that God was not calling me to leave the city just yet.

a year later, and beginning to see how God was moving things around and creating new opportunities for me, i refreshed myself with InnerChange. at the time i had originally explored it, there was talk about the potential of bringing a team to new orleans, but that wouldn't happen for a while. this time i noticed there was a team in south africa. i contacted innerchange and began the process of exploring the possibility of my joining. whereas in so many other situations it seemed there were doors that continued to close, with innerchange it has really felt like i am being led through this process and that i am not just taking these steps on my own. Every step of the way has held encouragement and affirmation.

as for the actual team in south africa, it is led by a married couple named luc & petunia. i have had several conversations with luc and am very excited about getting to see what this team is up to. there is a great need for medical care in the township, as there are only 4 clinics to serve over 1 million people. petunia is a nurse, and this is her primary route of service. the team has other things going on and has partnered with other local churches and ministries, but one of the things that is exciting is being given the chance to "pioneer" something new. so many people want to know what i'm going to DO while i'm there. and that is a good question! i've been encouraged, though, to push back with the challenge of going there and allowing myself to see how God might use me to serve. I want to balance the desire to DO with the need to sometimes just BE amongst people and really spend time to discern the best fit between need and skills. i am confident that God is at work not only in me, but in the hearts of the team, confirming these steps and reaffirming this desire for me to move in this direction.

as for logistics, the plan is to visit the team in the next few months and then start with the InnerChange orientation in january. beyond that, i will be raising support and continuing to prepare for the move to south africa. i like details, but i can tell the Lord is at work, so i am not stressed or anxious!

I am so excited and thankful for this opportunity and look forward to sharing more with you as the adventure continues!

family vacation!

as many of you know, my family recently ventured to the other side of the world (the antipodes as my mom was fond of saying) for an adventure-vacation in australia and new zealand. this was our first family vacation in about 10 years and we had a blast! you can go here to check out the pictures, which pretty much tell the story.

here's the breakdown of the trip...
day 1: arrived in sydney, australia after 18 hours of flying. i was glad to get off that plane! apparently sunlight helps stave off jet lag so my family kept me in the sun while we strolled through the botanic gardens in the center of sydney. later that day we took a tour of the sydney opera house and then watched a performance of the christmastime favorite, the nutcracker.
day 2: while mom and brother andrew enjoyed a ferry ride around sydney harbor, my dad and i did some more walking to get some good photos of the opera house and harbor bridge. then we met my mom and brother at the taronga zoo on the other side of the harbor. we mostly stuck to the australian animal exhibit so we saw the kangaroos, emu, koalas, wombats, and other native beasts. we had a delicious lunch with a great view of the sydney harbor. that evening we made our way over to bondi beach which is a popular surfing destination and enjoyed some tasty fare overlooking the ocean.
day 3: we flew from sydney to christchurch, new zealand. did you know that new zealand has a north and a south island? well christchurch is the largest city on the south island, with a population of approximately 400,000. it's a quaint town with lots of pretty english-style gardens. unfortunately, our dinner that night took about 3 hours to hit the table so if you visit christchurch, plan to eat somewhere other than pescatore in the george hotel.
day 4: we picked up the tranz scenic train in christchurch for the cross-country trip to greymouth. the train ride was bumpy but the scenery was amazing. we went through 19 tunnels! they even had an observation car that was completely open on top and sides for optimal viewing. we had a nice lunch in greymouth, hopped in our rental suv and started the drive to fox glacier. we had this cool gps-tour-guide system hooked up in our car. it was connected to a satellite so it always knew our coordinates on the map and would give us narration that fit according to where we were or the town we were passing through. this was so cool! there were several times where our guide, jonathan, drew our attention to various aspects of the landscape or background of the area that we otherwise would not have known! plus we learned some neat maori legends.
day 5: in the morning we hiked to see fox glacier. in the afternoon we hiked around lake matheson, which (on a clear day) has great reflections of the mountains behind. unfortunately it was a little cloudy so we had some great reflections of the clouds.
day 6: after breakfast looking out on mount cook (nz's highest peak) we made our way towards queenstown. we heard all about the adrenaline-pumping activites to be enjoyed in queenstown, though i made a mental note take the leisure route instead.
day 7: first day in queenstown. while mom and andrew braved a jet boat ride on the dart river, dad and i experienced some native nz wildlife at a bird sanctuary. in the afternoon we went mini-golfing at one of the coolest mini-golf places i've ever seen. a free lollipop appears when you get the ball in the hole on #18!! that night we dined at saffron, which is apparently on the list of top restaurants in all of new zealand!
day 8--christmas: my dad and i visited an anglican church in the center of town which was full of visitors. the service was nice and i enjoyed hearing the carols sung with a new zealand accent. my mom and brother were out on a 4-wheel drive tour of the scenes from the "lord of the rings" movies. we met up for lunch where we HAD to go to an asian restaurant. we HAD to because it's christmas tradition and because...those were the only restaurants open!!
day 9: we flew to wellington, the capital of new zealand (located on the southern portion of the north island) we didnt have too much time but we visited te papa, which is a cultural and historical museum about new zealand. it was really neat! then we made our way around a windy mountain road to the wharekauhau country estate.
day 10: we had a farm tour in the morning and then relaxing in the afternoon. a nice massage topped things off! also we got to eat dinner with the other guests and it was fun to exchange various travel stories.
day 11: time to leave wharekauhau and drive through wine country to napier. it was rainy most of the day and was still raining when we arrived. they (and i dont know who they is in this case) say that napier is the art deco capital of the world but given that it's a pretty small town, it's probably more likely the art deco capital of new zealand. the whole town was rebuilt after an earthquake destroyed everything in the 1920s.
day 12: on to rotorua. we had a mid-day stop in taupo, the home of lake taupo, new zealand's biggest lake. that evening we walked around lake rotorua and observed the behavior of some BLACK swans
day 13: full day geo-culture tour since rotorua is home to many native maori people and also a lot of geothermal activity. we saw so much--boiling mud, active geysers, steaming lakes, maori carving... it was a jam-packed day!
day 14: before driving to auckland we stopped at the tourist favorite, the agrodome! we saw an "authentic" sheep show with the parade of sheep and even some on-stage shearing. it was a lot of fun and we even got to take pictures with the sheep. do you know there are at least 19 different breeds of sheep??? amazing. then in order to quench my brother's taste for more adrenaline-pumping-activities, he braved the zorb. for those who don't know, it's a giant rubber sphere and you roll around in the sphere going down a hill. it was fun to watch and he said it was fun to do! after that we hit the road. we stopped in hamilton which is the largest inland city in all of new zealand. our in-car tour guide had told us this region was notable for its dairy and beef farming so we tried the milkshakes and hamburgers. important to sample the local product! we arrived in auckland and walked around the city. then we enjoyed a lovely new year's eve dinner on the harbor. after a rousing game of family scrabble, we stepped outside our hotel and watched the fireworks from the skytower. happy 2008!! (by 12:30am we were sleeping!)
day 15: the end of new zealand...we hopped onto a plane to cross the cook strait and spend one more day in sydney. we had a nice dinner, reflected on the trip, and prepared for our long journey back to the states.
day 16: our flight departed sydney around 1pm on january 2nd and we arrived in los angeles at 8am...january 2nd!! crazy!

if you've made it this far, i'm sure you can see why this trip was so great! i would highly recommend a visit to new zealand, especially if you like beautiful scenery, unspoiled nature, and adventure activities. there's even a few things to keep you busy if you prefer to take the leisurely route =)