Rest & Retreat

I had a sweet weekend retreat at my favorite little place in Pretoria North, Mohale Rest & Retreat.  Wanted to share this poem that particularly touched my heart & soul...

"For Solitude" by John O'Donohue

May you recognize in your life the presence,
Power and light of your soul.

May you realize that you are never alone,
That your soul in its brightness and belonging
Connects you intimately with the rhythm of the universe.

May you have respect for your individuality and difference.

May you realize that the shape of your soul is unique,
That you have a special destiny here,
That behind the facade of your life
There is something beautiful and eternal happening.

May you learn to see yourself
With the same delight,
Pride and expectation
With which God sees you in every moment.

Excerpted from:  To Bless the Space Between Us: A Book of Blessings by John O’Donohue (Doubleday, 2008)

I loved the poet's reminder that no one is part of a solitary story -- we are all part of a bigger picture than we can see.  I loved the glimpse of our lives being just a facade for something beautiful and eternal going on, often behind the scenes.  And it brought hope & joy to my heart to read that last stanza.  Like my parents, God loves to show me off!  It's amazing that "in every moment" God sees us with delight and pride.  

Amen!

more thoughts on the "rainbow nation"

I came across this article recently and my impression is that while the author has some valuable observations about South Africa, he probably didn’t spend most of his time in any of those “shanty towns,” like Sosh, where my perspective has been shaped. I agree that it is miraculous that apartheid is legally ended and in many ways people of different races do interact on seemingly “normal” levels. But, at the same time, I wonder how deep those interactions really go. Most white families and white-owned businesses still employ a black person to cook/clean/garden. Many of those domestic workers are the same ones who worked in those homes before apartheid ended.  I visited the office of an accountant in Pretoria North several months ago and most of the women who worked there were Afrikaans. When I told them I lived and worked in Soshanguve, they looked at me as if I were an alien. They responded by marveling at how amazing it was that I would come all the way from America to live there while they had lived not 40 miles away and had never even visited. It got me to wondering if there really even was anything obvious that would bring them to Sosh, that would help them see beyond the stereotypes they held of a scary place inhabited by criminals and desperate people.

Another thing that has become clear from my four months of living in Sosh is the distinction that we often place on quality of life vs. value of life. “As with many squatter camps around Johannesburg, Zandspruit residents live in squalid conditions, sharing toilets and communal taps, with little or no electricity. Neighboring suburbs have some of Africa's most expensive real estate.”  This quote from this article reflects a common sight in South Africa. 

The terms "quality" and "value" are often used together when we think about a purchase we want to make, but when it comes to describing life often they are total opposites. We, whether in America or South Africa or other places I assume, have internalized this message that the outer quality of our lives implies the inner and eternal value of the same. I have realized that often the luxury that we desire is just the comfort and ease of convenience. We think the good life is having what we want, when we want it, without having to work hard to get it. I have had the odd and ironic experience of sitting with my neighbors, in their corrugated tin shack, watching an episode of MTV Cribs. The whole point of the show is to elicit the covetousness of our hearts towards the excesses of celebrity. But for those who have to walk outside to use the toilet, without a distinction between kitchen/living room/dining room/bedroom/home office, the allure of it all is obvious and natural. My instinctive disdain for that show and the lifestyle it promotes riles up naturally, but I have to catch myself when I realize the privilege that informs my attitudes juxtaposed with the realities of my neighbors’ lives. This situation even brought up that quality vs value of life internal debate when I tried to convince my friend Sherz that that was not the “good life.” But Emily, she asked, what is?? Following God! I told her, excited at the chance to answer such a question. But again, the realities of life can obscure that truth. When we cling to physical things of comfort, as I have been tempted to do here, we forget not only about eternal comfort but also about the God who provides our daily bread.

...and here is another eye-opening article about the state of the South African family

sometimes prayers have more than one answer

An Open Letter to St. Roch Community Church

August 29, 2010

         About 5 1/2 years ago, I didn't know what church was really meant for.  I was attending a mega-church about 30 miles from where I lived.  Honestly, I enjoyed the anonymity of worshiping with 2,000 other people.  No one knew my name, or my junk.  In January 2005, a woman who I had just met prayed for me and put into words what I didn't know I was missing--church as a family, an intimate body, a group of people who know & care about you.  That prayer was a sign of God doing something and leading me on a course that is still going to this day. 

       Soon after that, I stopped attending the mega-church and found a cool little church-plant in Chicago that was all about racial reconciliation and other Kingdom-oriented things.  The people were nice and I thought my prayer had been answered.  

       Then I moved to Oakland for Mission Year and my team was assigned to work & worship with a traditional style Missionary Baptist church in the 'hood.  My four white teammates and I stuck out like a bunch of sore thumbs, but that church welcomed & loved us as if we had been there our whole lives.  A year later when we were leaving Oakland, I remember tearing up and thanking that congregation for really showing me what church could be--a family, a home filled with love.  I thought my prayer was answered.  

     Then I moved to New Orleans and didn't know what to expect.  Some of my first friends recommended a presbyterian church uptown.  This was like the polar opposite cultural experience from Oakland, but this body was equally as warm and inviting--and I don't think it's just because I was in the city as a volunteer.  This intimate congregation was a real family and people genuinely cared about each other.  Wow, I thought, God is really answering this prayer in even more unexpected ways!  

      At the same time, I began hearing the murmurings of a dream, a vision to plant a new church on the other side of town, a church that would serve & preach the gospel in word and action, intentionally loving neighbors who looked different from each other, in order to restore dignity & leadership to transform the community.  Little did I know how it would look 4 years later!

      St. Roch Community Church has become my community and my family.  I am proud to claim and identify myself with this group of people.  I am known here, junk and all, and still loved!  There were many days when I was frustrated with the work or didn't understand why certain things happened, and I was always and constantly challenged, encouraged, and pushed to see beyond myself.  God is indeed doing something, indeed building this church.  He has allowed his spirit to fill this body with Truth and grace, love and compassion.  I feel I have learned so much more than I could have taught.  This church is a living example of God's abundant grace & mercy.  There is a real authenticity to the depths of relationship and love here--it's a love that sees & speaks Truth, builds up and does not pursue its own agenda.  

    The friendships I have here, this body, defies odds & stereotypes and really is like a breeze from heaven.  I shared at Thanksgiving that this type of thing doesn't just happen everyday.  Look around and remember that God has something special going on here.  If those other churches along the way had been God's only answer to my prayer, that would have been enough.  But how do I express my gratefulness for what He has done here, in me?  It is truly a gift to call you my family, my home; God's goodness is all over this place.

      It is bittersweet for me to know I must leave my family here.  But I know God's work will continue.  There will surely be tests & trials ahead but I believe that God will not abandon this work that He has begun.  This church is a part of me and I know I leave some of my heart here.  It is with joy and hope and eager anticipation that I will continue to pray for God to use this body to touch lives, neighborhoods, this city, and beyond.  I feel great joy & humility & honor to be sent out on behalf of St. Roch Community Church, and to see God's Kingdom continue to advance!  I love y'all!!!   

with Love, 

emily

October 2005

October 2005

Reflections from the Front Lines

A few weeks ago a conversation developed among my teammates about how each of us defines poverty. It seemed that one common theme was that poverty is a condition of being without access to opportunity —opportunity to attain resources, opportunity to pursue higher education, opportunity to exit the very cycle that keeps people in an economically depressed state. Through all this, the paradox of my living here is that this poverty has become for us an opportunity—an opportunity to love those who may feel unloved, an opportunity to help those who feel unhelped, an opportunity to be with those who may feel forgotten and remind them that God still cares! I wonder if the people that I know now consider themselves the “poorest of the poor.” I wonder how they see me and the rest of my team.

Our Pastor recently gave a message about taking steps of faith even when God’s whole plan doesn’t seem clear to us. And he shared that it’s probably a good thing that God doesn’t reveal the whole plan to us from the beginning; if we knew all that He had to take us through to get us to the final destination, we would probably resist the journey. It didn’t hit me until a day later that that is exactly what I’ve been going through here. The fact that God wants me to be here is about the only sure thing I know right now. I’ve been facing challenges and going through necessary struggles that I probably would have avoided had I been given advance warning. I’ve been pushed and confronted by my teammates in ways I never had anticipated. I’ve seen new things about myself that I never had the eyes to see before. I’ve been put in situations and faced realities that have been completely foreign. Not everything is pretty and not everything is pleasant—but I’m in this for the long haul. One of the main Mission Year themes is choosing deep and lasting joy over a more temporary fix of fun. And I will have to make that choice day by day, hour by hour, as I go through the stuff that does not always feel good. The work of a transforming heart is often painful! And everything I thought I knew about joy has been replaced with the realization that I had no idea. I am just beginning to understand what it means to pursue deep joy and to taste true freedom through letting go and trusting grace. This is heavy stuff, and that’s why your prayers are so important to me.

As for my schedule, I’m settling into a routine. On Tuesdays, Karrie and I will be staffing the information booth in the ER waiting room at Highland Hospital. This is the main Alameda County medical facility in Oakland and as such, most of the uninsured population passes through Highland at some point or another. On Wednesdays I volunteer in a first-grade classroom and on Thursdays and Fridays in a kindergarten class at Prescott Elementary School. This has been so joyful but so challenging at the same time. I’ve been reminded of my distaste for the task of having to discipline other people’s children but I’ve also gained a newfound admiration for anyone who submits their lives to teaching children. Wow. There is so much need for assistance in both of the classrooms where I’m working and I so long to see each and every student succeed. Many of the students struggle with things that I had taken for granted in the early years so I look forward to getting to know them better and watching them grow.

On several afternoons I head over to World Impact, which is a Christian community development organization that has been in this neighborhood for about seven years and runs several programs for the community. Wednesday is Girls Club for girls in middle and high school. This is a really cool time to just chill and hang out with the girls in the neighborhood. It’s going to take some time for me to earn credibility with them, but my ability to teach them a new skill (knitting!) has helped a lot. Thursdays and Fridays are Homework Club and I get to do more one-on-one tutoring with elementary school kids. On one particularly difficult day at Homework Club I remarked to my teammates how I had observed how readily kids want to give up on tasks that are difficult. And as soon as these words came out of my mouth I realized that this is also true of me—and most people I know, of all ages! Homework is such a beautiful metaphor for the daily struggles that everyone faces—as we learn and grow we have to go through things that aren’t comfortable or easy or things that we are used to but if only we persevere and endure through the difficulties, how much wiser we come out on the other side. What a great gift that life’s struggles and challenges often teach us more about the journey than the destination!

This place has transformed before my eyes. This is no longer the “inner-city.” This is not “the ghetto”…because this is where I live. The inner-city is somewhere else. Somewhere I used to drive through and look suspiciously at all the people just standing around. The ghetto is where those other people lived. Now those people are my neighbors, they are the children that I work with and the adults I see at the corner stores. These are the people who are vibrant and vital in this community. They are the people that make up this neighborhood. Without them, I would not be here. Without them, this place would not be here. And I can see how integrally tied I am to each of these people. And my prayer is that that connection may be made clearer and clearer for you with each anecdote, each story I share.

As I grow this year, I look forward to sharing in joy that growth with you. I hope that the people that I come to know and love here are people you can come to know and love as well. I pray that my stories encourage and challenge you as well. You are no less an important part of this journey than the people who live in my neighborhood. I love you and appreciate all your prayers and support!

In love and joy,

Emily

Praises…

*God’s steadiness and unchanging nature, as the world changes all around us God remains the same*God is speaking through our church and our pastor*Our team is growing together more and more each day*Relationships developing with neighbors, both young and old*

Prayer Requests…

*I want to keep fighting for joy through my trials and celebrations*For our team to continue to grow together*For God’s protection and provision as His hand covers our hearts, minds, and spirit and all the work we do*For God to help me understand what grace and freedom truly mean*For the children in my classes at Prescott, for the girls at World Impact Girls Club*For some neighbors in particular: Mason and Darius, Keisha and Knight, Elgin, Marilyn, Cynthia, Beverly, Cathy & Terry, and Katrina*

P.S. Check out http://www.missionyear.org/ and go to “Our Cities” to see pictures of all the teams in Oakland