reflections on leaving New Orleans...

i have been a jumble of emotions since about mid-August as my new-orleans-departure date drew ever nearer.  this beautiful post from a new friend, who is also leaving her current home to join InnerCHANGE, and embrace the unknown, inspired me to share my thoughts on moving and transitions.  on my mind is this song, also appropriate for leaving a place that has my heart.

Abiding City by Sandra McCracken
Oh sweet home of love and peace
where pilgrims tired and troubled rest
into the hope of Zion we
will in Jesus' arms we will fall at last


Addictions, empty promises
This broken world just can't satisfy
A sweeter song redemption's bliss
Is sealed for us in paradise


Oh lift up your head
For the day is near
We have no abiding city here.  


Spirit heal our neighborhood
Until your Kingdom work is done
Teach us what is just and good
As we look for the city that is yet to come


Oh lift up your head
For the day is near
We have no abiding city here.  


City filled with golden light
God the builder & the architect
And when our faith has turned to sight
Oh I cannot imagine it!  


Oh lift up your head
For the day is near
We have no abiding city here.

i was sharing with another friend a few days ago the seeming irony of all this timing.  i lived in new orleans for exactly 4 years.  for the first year, i hated it most days.  well, really, it's a place that takes some getting used to...not to mention it was in full-on disaster-recovery mode then.  it doesn't function the way most "normal" cities do, and that adds to its charm and character...i just didn't realize that at the time.  God was teaching me to have grace for a place!  after the first year, those periods of wanting to leave grew further apart, and my love for the city got stronger.  the first time i learned about InnerCHANGE, in the summer of 2008, i was all set to jump in but had the sense that God was saying "not yet." and indeed, He did some amazing things in my life in new orleans after that. over time, God provided me with such a beautiful community that made it easy to call the place home.  and when moving day came, i couldn't believe i would have ever wanted to leave.   i had fought to love this place, to see what God was doing in and around me, and it felt like just when i was getting into my groove, He is calling me someplace else.  i don't doubt for one second what He is doing in leading me to South Africa--i just wish i could bring all the people dear to my heart with me there....or just be in two places at once!!

all that to say that this song reminds me that as much as i love new orleans and the life i had there, and really as much as i may grow to love soshanguve, south africa and the life that God grows there, my home is not on any earthly map.  even the best places to live don't compare to where we're headed and we are just making our way through this life as pilgrims en route to something grander and whole.

and 'til we reach that day, my prayers will continue to be "Spirit heal our neighborhoods, until your Kingdom work is done.  Teach us what is just and good, as we look for the city that is yet to come"

a few months ago i started working on a post titled "where did april go" but i suppose now i could make that "where did april, may, and half of june go?" 

for those who are wondering, i am still sweatin' it out in the big easy.  my proposed plan at this point is to be in new orleans until mid to late august, then head back up to chicago for several months. i hope to reach my funding goal by the end of september, and once full support has been coming in for two months, i can depart for south africa!  i may do some traveling in the fall and will of course get to spend some quality time with the fam.

summer camp at st. roch just started, so i've been helping with that, and getting to spend time with people i love.  quite a few friends have passed through new orleans on recent visits and it's always a treat to catch up with people who have scattered all over the country.  i'm actually enjoying the support raising process and seeing God really provide in amazing ways!  thank you to those who have already committed to support me and the InnerCHANGE team through prayer and financial giving!! 

moving forward, i will definitely be keeping my blog updated, though i can't make any promises about the frequency.  i'm hoping to use this space as more of an informal arena for my thoughts and reflections and send out more formal newsletters either through email or a paper mail/email combo.  don't forget, you can subscribe to these blog posts (get them directly in your email) by entering your email address in the box to the left that says "subscribe via email"   i love you all and am so thankful that you're with me in this journey!

since we last spoke...

as i mentioned in my last email update, i have made the decision to join the innerchange team in soshanguve for three years! the decision making process was not as quick and easy as i thought it would be, but i know this is where God is leading me.  i felt like this direction was so clear and obvious before i left for my visit to the team but then i got there and there were no sparks, no instant clarity or parting of the clouds.  after much prayer and thought, discussion and processing, i realized that it was indeed what God had been leading me to.  i wondered why, though i had felt such a strong sense of God's leading before i visited, that same sense of clear direction was missing when i returned to the states.  in a moment of worship, i got in my mind an image of a young child learning to ride a bike.  the child rides, knowing and feeling the hand of her parent on the back of that bike.  and, at some point, that parent lets go.  the child must trust the steadiness that she felt when that hand was present and continue on riding.  she cannot expect to only ever ride that bike with that hand always there.  but the symbol of its closeness is enough to allow her to keep on pedaling.

so, three years? yes!  basically, innerCHANGE realizes that the best thing for the apprentice, the team, and the community is people who are committed.  in an international context, especially with language barriers, experience has shown that 1 year is only really a start to scratching the surface of real life among a team and community.  some days when i think about 3 years, it feels like a long time (one/ninth of my life!)  and other days, when i realize i've already lived in new orleans longer than that, it doesn't seem so long.

when am i leaving? after i have raised support!
no, but really, when is that? well....the next step in the process is an assessment with some other CRM and innerCHANGE staff members.  that is scheduled for march 31.  after that i can kick start the support raising process first thing on april 1.  no april fool's joke there! i will need to have at least two months of full support coming in BEFORE i can depart for south africa. so my goal might be around august-ish, but it is hard to say at this point.

the rest of my time of travelling was good!  from south africa, i flew to san francisco for the innerCHANGE orientation.  there i made some new friends, learned more about innerchange, and got deeper into the values and culture of the innerCHANGE family.  i also got to hang out with my wonderful aunt and good friends and mission year teammates heather and jessica!

then, on the tail end of a bad weather week in southern california (some people just can't handle their rain!!) i arrived in san diego.  i got to see andrew and although we didnt make it to the black market bakery, we had a good time driving up through orange county and andrew dropped me off in anaheim for the CRM training. (not sure if i have mentioned this before, but CRM is the umbrella ministry organization which innerCHANGE is connected to) i enjoyed some lovey hospitality, and made some new friends there too. we enjoyed a lovely january day on the beach!  our first part of training was a spiritual retreat to focus on the first thing of importance, our relationship with God!  the  rest of the time was really focused on support-raising training. it's kind of daunting to think about raising money, but i'm excited to see how God moves!

then, on the last leg of my trip, i made it back to chicago to see the fam! and also to see jessica get married! i had such a wonderful time, but it sure does get cold up there in the winter : )

then.....the SUPERBOWL!!!!!! who woulda thunk, when i planned this trip in november, that the saints would be in the superbowl???? i mean, they were having an amazing season, but really. come on. the saints?  but oh yes, the saints!  so, since i wasn't back with my new orleans family, my parents and i had our own new orleans style celebration in deerfield, complete with gumbo, bread pudding, and beads.  and then, you know how it ends, THE SAINTS WON!!! WHOOOOO DDDAATTTTT!  
oh man, if you're not from or weren't in new orleans on this most-apocalyptic day, you just cant understand.  i mean, i wasn't there so i can't REALLY understand but i know it was just absolute craziness. but in the most beautiful way (so i've heard!)

i got back to new orleans in time for the big victory parade, which had an estimated 800,000 people in attendance.  CRAZY!  after that, i got swept up straight away in the craziness surrounding the saints victory, mardi gras parades, and re-connecting with friends after being away for so long.  (i definitely believe that mardi gras is one of those things that everyone should experience at least once in life.  most of it is nothing like the bourbon street debauchery that most people think of.  just good, clean, fun.  and lots of plastic beads!)

after alllll that, i'm finally getting back to the normal craziness of life. i'm working a bit and preparing for support raising. i'm excited to share some opportunities for you to join in what God is doing!

long overdue (read this one first)

i can't believe it's been so long since i last updated the good ole blog. well if you are anything like my dad, you've been wanting a blog update from me for a long time. and if you are anything like most other people =) then you probably didn't notice i had taken such a long hiatus.

since you heard from me last:
another mardi gras season, come and gone. another tax season, come and gone. the Rescue, invisible children event. first st roch art show. six friends moved away from new orleans. cousin's wedding in chicago. planned trip to DC to lobby for an end to the war in Central Africa. car accident changes plans! summer camp in st roch. friend's wedding in california. new life direction? (more details in upcoming posts)...

i'm gonna break up my overdue posts so you dont get tired and foggy-eyed trying to read everything in one long post. in this series:
a book review
ch-ch-ch-ch-changes
what's next!

it's really hitting me now. next sunday will be my last time to attend regular worship at Redeemer for as long as i can tell. its a strange feeling because i'm not leaving the city, yet i will be leaving the body, the community, that i have worshipped with for the past 2 years. i have never been a part of a church body for that long, ever.

if you had told me, before i came to new orleans, that i would end up in a church that looked like redeemer, i would have told you you were crazy. yet, God is crazier!!! God brought me into this body, this family of believers less than a year after its post-katrina re-start. what struck me and kept me was the people, since you know, they are after all what God uses to build his church here. it was the people--their welcoming spirit, their encouragement, their love for me. it helped that nearly everyone i met there was also a new transplant to the city. but the way God answered my prayers through this body has been amazing. i have grown deeper in my relationship with God and in my ability to love this city because of Redeemer Presbyterian Church--without a doubt. i never really knew what a presbyterian was before i got here; now i am proud to align myself with this group of people. were it not for my Redeemer family, i probably would not have stayed in New Orleans beyond my first-year commitment.

at the same time, i have been part of God's work planting a new church in the 8th ward. being part of St. Roch is so exciting to me and has also provided so many answers to my prayers. this is a body and a family like i have never known--the Lord is so good!!!

at first, it all worked out so nicely--Redeemer in the morning and St. Roch in the evening. but now, the inevitable has come. our sanctuary at st roch is nearly completed and we will be moving to morning services beginning on oct 25. less than 2 weeks away! while i will still participate in redeemer community group and hope for my friendships to continue to grow and flourish, for me it means the end of corporate worship with my Redeemer family. this saddens me very deeply. at times when i have left the city, i have felt a tangible separation from the community that the Lord has given me here. one of the most beautiful things i have witnessed in my 2+ years of living here was the service at Redeemer on the sunday following hurricane gustav. i cant explain it but being reunited with that group of people, and being reminded of God's sovereignty, grace, and beauty in all the unexplainables of our world moved me deeply.

none of this is to discredit my commitment or love for my st. roch church family--i know there is much excitement and anticipation for all that is to come, but for now i am very sad that i have just one sunday left with my redeemer family.

nonstop action!!

well, if you're still keeping track of my movements then you hopefully figured out that i made it back to new orleans safely on friday afternoon. it was smooth sailing the whole time, no traffic problems. thanks again to all who sent their well wishes and thoughts and prayers and encouragement while i was in evacuation mode. while we tried to lighten the mood, there were many many tense moments. i'm sending out my love in thanks all over!!!

as soon as i got back i got to packing up all my stuff to move over to the new apartment, which i had intended to do last weekend. i am really amazed at how quickly it all happened!! needless to say i couldnt have done it all without some amazing help from my church family--they really did all the big heavy stuff, i sort of meandered around trying to give instructions =) my stuff is slowly making its way out of bags, boxes, and piles into some sort of order in the new apartment, but it will be a slow process i'm afraid.

all this and we're also keeping an eye on hurricane ike!!!! i really hope it stays away from us. i've been thinking a lot about haiti, with all these recent storms. we think here that we are somehow immune from a second storm after we've been hit by one but there's no reason why we're out of harm's way. haiti has been hit by gustav, hanna, AND ike. i think it probably got hit by fay last month too! anyway, i recently finished reading "mountains beyond mountains" which tells some of paul farmer's story of starting several health clinics in rural haiti and his philosophy of preferential treatment for the poor. this is not intended to be a book report, though i highly recommend it, but rather a backdrop for my thoughts on the country. we talk about how katrina revealed poverty and brokenness in new orleans but as i was reminded by reading the partners in health website, haiti never had any levees to hold water back. while its bad when the levees fail, imagine if we never had any kind of structure to keep the waters away. and talk about a foundation of poverty and no infrastructure--while new orleans seems like third world sometimes, it is still a part of the world's richest country. haiti is probably a lot farther down on the list...

back to n.o.

hey y'all
looks like i'll be headed back to the big easy tomorrow (friday) i've heard from several friends that power is on in my neighborhood (perhaps even that it never went out) and i know now there are several grocery stores and gas stations re-opened. probably will be even more by the time i get there tomorrow afternoon.
if you hear nothing else, i'll be on the road soon!
emily

quiet day

today was pretty quiet, compared to the excitement of yesterday. i went out with some friends to get an evacuation pedicure, which was lovely. i relaxed around the house and almost won a game of scrabble. everyone's been asking all day when we can get back to new orleans. they're doing the re-entry in phases so that all essential personnel will be prepared for the influx of residents. that includes not only first responders and utility workers but store owners, gas station people, etc. i texted a friend and he said he thinks that power never went out in my neighborhood, but it's hard to know for sure. entergy is working as hard and as quickly (and carefully) as they can, but we're not able to get very speedy updates. gustav is not quite letting go--there were still tornado warnings in the new orleans area, as well as up here in the jackson area.
will update as i have new information!
love, emily

not quite over

well, we have not seen the last of gustav. the outer bands were still causing tornado warnings and watches into this evening, as far north as here in jackson. i heard some tornado sirens, but nothing hit the immediate area that i'm staying in, praise the Lord! it looks like it's still raining in new orleans, so that hopefully won't accumulate too rapidly to cause flooding. c.ray says that new orleans residents will not be allowed to return tuesday, and maybe not even wednesday. he hopes to give an update tomorrow evening on our allowed return to the city. i wonder what the reverse migration traffic will be like!

i cannot say enough how much i appreciate all the love/concern/prayers/care that has poured in from all over the place. clearly i am not in evacuation with my own family, although i am with people who have become my extended family in new orleans. it was very encouraging to know so many people were thinking about us here in the path of gustav, checking in on what was happening. i dont know how to thank you all!!!!!!!!

til tomorrow =)
emily

praise the Lord!

looks like the worst of it is behind us--crazy the ups-and-downs of emotions that this kind of thing can put you through. as the storm continues inland, it will die down evenutally. everyone is saying the damage is not near what was anticipated and there was much less storm surge than was forecasted. there is still a need to keep an eye on those outer bands (n.g.v.--new gustav vocab) which have some pretty active tornadic (ngv) activity, but other than that we missed the worst of it. looks like the overtopping of the levees has stopped with a shift in the wind direction and the streets are no longer flooded. praise God!!!!! thanks for all your thoughts and prayers!

upper ninth

there is water lapping over the top of the levees on the industrial canal, causing flooding to the west in the upper ninth ward--my neighborhood!! please pray for the neighborhood, as it sustained much damage from katrina and the news just said there are still people there who did not evacuate. the neighborhood usually floods a good amount each time it rains, so flooding is not new to the area but we dont want the water to get too high!! the levee has NOT breached, and the army corps is saying they don't think it will, but the water levels are high enough to be overflowing. please pray with me!!!

here he comes!

last night i was watching the weather channel before bed. the anchor in the studio was talking with a reporter standing in front of a house boat in houma, la. there was a family still in that houseboat--the anchor asked the reporter what he could say to that family to convince them to leave. the reporter says he tried to tell them, there'd be the surge of the waves, the wind, the rain, but they refused to leave. "i asked them why they were staying and, blieve it or not, they said because the kids wanted to....." he reports "...I mean who's in charge here?" he asks, stating the question that would be on any sane person's mind. After a few stumbling seconds of just trying to come to terms with the situation, he frankly looks into the camera and says, "You know folks, we can't save everyone..." and moves on to tell of gustav's current movement. i couldnt believe it.

last night i was really feeling nervous--what would i wake up to? what would be left of new orleans? and even in jackson, there's forecasts of flash flooding, thunderstorms, wind gusts. during katrina, i have learned, power was out here for a week! we have contingency plans galore, so we wont be stuck. it's just the nervous anticipation. and not something that we fear might happen...now just a matter of watching it happen before our eyes and just wondering how bad its really going to be.

with katrina, maybe i heard about it ahead of time while flipping through the channels but i didnt know anyone who was in the expected path of the storm. there wasn't all this anxiety of the build up, watching the system spin around, "barrelling" closer to the shore. with katrina, it was just the aftermath that i watched. this is a whole added component, seeing it from before, anticipating it.

as of this morning, it appears that the eye (and eye-wall) of the storm will be hitting southwest of new orleans, though still making direct hit on the louisiana coast. it's coming on shore as a category 2, though they're saying there's a lot of rain that will last for days with it. the most recent shots of new orleans that i saw didnt show any street flooding, so that's good. but, as we know, it doesnt take too much to flood the streets so we'll see how long that lasts.

here's hoping!
emily

gustav, a day away

it is expected that gustav will make landfall sometime tomorrow (monday, sept 1) happy labor day! the news is saying that he could hit anywhere from east texas to the alabama/florida border. that is a WIDE swath. apparently ray nagin has called gustav "the mother of all storms" and technically i think he would be the "father of all storms," but who's counting. why is it that in times like this, the masters of hyperbole are those with the most power? do you think there is a direct correlation there? perhaps it really will be the storm to end all storms, but who knows? perhaps he just needed to put that extra oomph to drive home the point that you MUST leave new orleans. there are no shelters in new orleans. if you stay, you are on your own. there will be a curfew and anyone not on their own property will be subject to arrest.

the friends who were going to ride with me ended up on a city-evacuation bus headed to arkansas. "how far away is arkansas?" my friend asked me when she called from the bus. that was yesterday evening--hopefully she's there by now.

we met a woman last night at a restaurant in downtown jackson who had evacuated here from grand isle, louisiana. that's one of those towns on the tippy tip of the boot-toe of the state. she was really proud to tell us that we could find pictures of her wedding online. you wont believe your eyes!

this is a strange thing for me. it kind of feels like a long holiday weekend, but gustav has never been off my mind. there's no sense in worrying because that wont change the course of the storm. i'm learning that even jackson will feel some effects--high winds, thunderstorms, potential power outtages--but not enough to evacuate from here. i've never done this before and its a weird state to know that in a matter of hours your whole life could take a drastic turn. i'm with friends here and i am being well taken care of! i'll try to keep the updates coming as i can.

love, emily

gustav update

greetings from sunny jackson, mississippi!
yes you read that right, i'm in jackson, not baton rouge as originally planned. i'm doing fine and now just waiting, like the rest of the country, to see what gustav will do when he makes landfall (expected early tuesday, sept 2). (thats the abbreviated version. see below for more details)

all this gustav-talk started early this past week in new orleans. i am usually one to react to such news with hyper anxiety but i took bob breck's advice (bobbreck.blogspot.com) and didnt freak out. although it seemed like the rest of the city was already in freak-out mode, which is understandable since three years ago to the week most people lost everything they owned. EVERYTHING. so better to freak out than be sorry, right? i figured i'd wait and see what the forecasters said, if/when evacuation would be necessary.
early in the week i was still hoping my weekend plans would involve moving (to a new apartment a few blocks away, plans that were made the week before gustav) rather than evacuating. as it got to the middle of the week, the people closest to me were talking about evacuating and thats what made me realize, hm, i dont want to be left behind. originally i was going to go with some friends to north carolina, then to atlanta. then to baton rouge since that would be closer (no need to go all the way to the atlantic coast to avoid the storm) and easier/quicker to return to new orleans if gustav should change his path. i was really not interested in a prolonged adventure. another friend offered for me to join her in jackson, mississippi but for the time being i was set on going to baton rouge. my preference was to not leave new orleans with four empty seats in my car--given the high number of people i know who dont have personal transportation, i figured SOMEONE would need a ride somewhere. my second prefernce was to stay with people i knew.
at the same time that i was trying to maintain calm and listen to bob breck, the city already seemed to be doing a better job of preparing for this storm, than it had with katrina. the governor was being very very pro-active, the mayor was talking about the plan (wow, an actual plan!) to get everyone out of the city with enough buses, etc. that was re-assuring, minus the fact that it would mean i'd have to go. up until thursday evening i really was feeling calm and cool about the whole thing and still hoping i wouldnt have to leave until sunday, saturday evening at the earliest. then i heard the mayor say on the news that he'd probably call a mandatory evacuation on saturday afternoon. from all i had heard my friends talking about their previous evacuation experiences, its best to leave before the mandatory evacuation call. a few years ago, some friends evacuated and it took them 8 hours to get to slidell, which is probably about 50 miles from new orleans. sheesh! i didnt want that to happen.
so then my mind was set on evacuate-friday-mode. and thats when the nerves started. i had to remind myself that it wasnt so much that i would need to evacuate with the storm on my heels (think indiana jones and the ginormous boulder rolling behind him) but more so evacuating before the hordes to avoid the news-making traffic jams. at this point, i was going to go with some people from st roch community church, including the pastor and his wife and some other friends. my empty passenger seats would be filled and we'd head to baton rouge. as the day progressed, i waited on word that it was time to go. plans were falling into place but then we realized that heading to baton rouge wasnt going to be the best decision. and the family i was supposed to take with me decided they'd rather wait for the mandatory call and take the city-sponsored buses. so. i had to decide what now to do. i called up my friend who had offered me a place in jackson and asked if it was too late (this was friday afternoon). she generously said no, the offer was still good! so i went home, got my bags, and made my way up to mississippi. some other friends of mine are staying in jackson too and we met up for dinner along the way last night.
and that brings me to now. i'm hoping to be here until next wednesday or thursday at the latest. this is looking like it will be an extended labor day vacation in mississippi. yahoo!!!! i'm glad to be out of new orleans and now i just play the wait-and-see game like everyone else.

packing my bags was interesting....how do you decide what to take when you realize that whatever you leave might be lost for good? and i think of my neighbors, many of whom will be part of the new city-wide plan to evacuate everyone with buses to various locations outside of the city. they are making very clear now that if you stay and resist the mandatory evacuation, you are on your own. there are no city shelters. what about those people who are barely scraping by? now they will be dropped off in a new city to wait-and-see. evacuation is expensive, not to mention the lost time of missing work. so many factors, so many things to consider, on top of the fact that you might be watching your city get destroyed for the second time in three years. yes, hurricanes are a fact of life living in coastal louisiana. but that doesnt make it any easier to deal with. i'm just hoping and praying that God will spare not only new orleans but all the cities and people along the gulf coast. may He turn gustav back to the sea, away from civilization. i'm also praying for those people in jamaica, haiti & the d.r., cuba, and the cayman islands who have already felt the brunt of gustav.

i will keep you posted if there is anything to report. the websites i'm watching are: bobbreck.blogspot.com and nhc.noaa.gov

with love, emily

new st roch video!!

please check out our new video!

what am i doing?

it has come to my attention that i havent written a blog update in a while, and i havent really given an informative update on life since the "new" job began. the ironic thing is that i spend so much time checking my friend's blogs and wondering why they don't update more...all the while neglecting to update my own! well, i'm taking my turn now =)
i've gotten some questions about what it is i'm actually doing now. well, if you are a regular blog follower, then you know that, as of august 20, 2007, i became an official staff member of desire street ministries. last year was an internship where i was just placed with desire street/CURE, but this is a real job. more specifically, i'm working with a brand-new church plant called St. Roch Community Church. this church plant was born out of a desire of some core families who have lived in the st. roch/st. claude neighborhood for several years. they had been staff members at desire street ministries and returned to the city after the storm. while the desire neighborhood (desire street ministries' original focus) still looks much the same as it did right after the storm, the st. roch/st. claude neighborhoods sustained less flooding and were thus able to re-populate more quickly. st. roch is technically in the 8th ward of new orleans and st. claude is in the upper ninth ward.
when i agreed to come on staff with desire street, i knew i would be working for the new church but i have to admit that i thought the transition would be a little more drawn-out. but no. on my very first day on staff, i reported to the (under-construction) church building and was sent out to get supplies to make our one usable space suitable to be an office. it has been a crazy 2 1/2 months since then!
my official role is "church administrator." basically that means that it' s my job to keep everyone organized and the administrative aspects of the church operating smoothly. also, i've been working with the kids in the neighborhood quite a bit. i'm helping with our after-school activities, which includes helping with homework, playing games, doing arts & crafts etc. there's a FEMA trailer park right next to the church, so there are always plenty of kids hanging around. also, the church is going to be a volunteer income tax assistance (VITA) site this year and i am serving as the site coordinator. this will put my skills from NSP to good use!! i have been busy contacting universities and churches around the city to recruit volunteers, as well as putting together marketing materials for both volunteers and clients. it's gonna be busy until tax time begins!
as a young church, we're doing quite a lot. we have a monthly outreach/block party to get to know our neighbors. we've been having sunday night bible studies since february and since september we've been having a weekly prayer meetings on wednesday nights. also, our new pastor and his wife moved down in august and just last week our pastor officially passed his examination to become ordained! this is a very exciting time for the church. if you are of the praying persuasion, please keep St. Roch Community Church in your prayers, as well as the people in the community. you can check out our website (www.strochcc.org) for more specific ways to pray for and support the work of this new church!
the work of the church honestly takes up most of my time. things are going well with my roommate, melanie. she is a second-grade teacher through teachnola, working at gentilly terrace elementary school just a few miles from where we live. we've gotten to know a bunch of our neighbors and are really enjoying living on our block.

if you watch only one tv show...

...make it something other than "K-Ville."

i was actually looking forward to watching the premiere of the new Fox cop drama last night since it is being filmed in New Orleans and supposedly would have post-Katrina New Orleans as a main character. i'll just save you the suspense and tell you now i was pretty disappointed. admittedly, i'm not a big fan of the crime-drama genre to begin with, so perhaps i should have prepared myself for some of the artificial drama they would cook up. but i was under the impression that it would be more like a show reflecting the actual problems and crime that are a part of the city's reality today. but instead, the first episode was about a conspiracy theory involving a downtown casino and a private security company. maybe this is typical crime-drama fare but i didnt think new orleans was represented well.

first of all, the cop played by cole hauser supposedly came to serve on the nopd from cincinatti, after having spent time in the military. but as we find out at the end (attention, spoiler alert) he is actually a convicted criminal from new orleans. he was in prison during the storm and when it flooded, he escaped and somehow ALL the records were lost. apparently they were so thoroughly lost that he had no problem becoming a new orleans police officer. what!? thanks for adding to the image of corruption. second of all, daytime shootings in the french quarter? no. and that wont help the image of a tourist-friendly place. drive-by shootings with machine guns? no. the writers even had the nerve to suggest that you can still smell "toxic sludge" throughout the city. i'm not sure what kind of scent that is, but i have a feeling that if it was still an issue i would be able to smell it. but no. and the topper was this: in the beginning the cop played by anthony anderson said he was attending a neighbor's gumbo party. now, i am not a new orleans veteran but i have talked to some and none of us have ever heard of a gumbo party.

now i understand that it adds money to the local economy to shoot the show here, so i think that is a great thing. but will it really add sympathy (and more importantly, compassion-driven action) to new orleans' cause? will it become just another backdrop for just another crime-drama? imagining new orleans is like "k-ville" is like imagining that life in new york is like "nypd blue." if you want to know what life is like, come visit.

and if you want to know what other new orleanians had to say, check this out.

august 29: a day (un)like any other day

I wondered what today would be like. There were not as many memorial and commemorative ceremonies planned today as there were on this date a year ago. I didn’t know how it would be for the people in my life who are native new orleanians, people who waded through flood waters and were displaced thousands of miles from home. How does one commemorate an event whose effects are still being felt, an event that, in essence, has not really yet ended?

As I was in the car with patricia, with whom I have been working in the CURE office for the past several months, I asked her if she had any plans to commemorate Katrina. No, she said, she doesn’t want to give any more time or energy to thinking about it. And I realized in that moment that not a single day goes by here where the storm and its effects are not remembered, blamed, looked to as an explanation for current conditions. There is no one here whose life was not effected by the storm. Even I, who moved here just after the 1-year anniversary of Katrina, can see the noticeable results in my life of a storm that hit a city I did not yet know.

So, today proceeded like a typical day. We had a birthday party for stacy, who is indicative of another way my life has changed in the past two years since Katrina. It was Katrina and her damages that brought me down here, yet it’s the relationships and community that have developed around me that kept me here. Stacy is a part of that. Stacy’s birthday originated before Katrina was a curse word in these parts and in true new Orleans fashion, celebrations for stacy will continue long after Katrina’s sting has eased. I went to a hardware store and overheard a man talking about several other hurricanes he had lived through in new Orleans. Not something unusual for any day in this below-sea-level city.

Later I drove around taking pictures of houses to present the juxtaposition of aug 29 2005 to aug 29 2007. it would probably be more accurate to document September 15 2005 versus September 15 2007, since it took that long for most of the water to be pumped out of the houses it had long destroyed by then. As I snapped some photos to point out how little has changed, it occurred to me that that’s not the impression I want to give. Yes, new Orleans is still very very broken. Yes, there are many parts of the city that look like the storm just passed yesterday. Yes, there is still years and years of work to be done. But yes, this city is being rebuilt. Yes, families are living here; normal people are actually getting on with their lives. Next to a leaning, overgrown house is a newly painted one with a “for rent” sign. There are some blocks with maybe one house still needing to be gutted; there are other blocks with maybe one house that is habitable.

I think this city has always been one of great paradox. You can choose which parts to see and revel in and which parts to hide or deny. All I ever knew of new Orleans before I came was mardi gras and the French quarter. But there is so much more. And in relation to Katrina, we can hide in those parts of uptown and the garden district that didn’t get flooded…or we can scan more widely and accept that large parts of the city still have yet to begin healing. I think the only just view is one that encompasses both. Because, in the moments I am honest with myself, that is just like my life. I am a person of great paradox. I can choose to boast of my strengths and those parts of myself that show little damage or I can expose those parts of me that are broken and dark and in need of serious repair. To deny the full picture will only bring partial healing. But to accept and bring to light all that is destroyed is the only way to address all that hurts.

how many times can one person move away from home?

i can't quite verbalize all that occurred to me in that instant on the plane, but as we pulled into the terminal at o'hare, with the overly restless white sox fan sitting to my left, i began to think. something about coming "home" and what that means.

it occurred to me that i needed, and was perhaps watching myself prepare, to let go of the dual-identity that i have been maintaining for so long. i felt like i was standing on the edge, in that place of wanting to hold on to both worlds as long as i can, wanting to continue to be independent and dependent at the same time. i want to have my own life but also slip back into this life too. i want the safety net of both homes, of sort of playing house wherever i lived but being able to count on the more permanent place of the home where i grew up.

these thoughts make that bon jovi country song keep playing on a loop in my head. i'm not saying you can't go back but i have been living a life in-between for quite some time. it's a strange existence where my permanent address has been a place where i haven't lived for more than a month in nearly 6 years. it's an existence where, when i leave the place i'm living i say i'm going home but when i return to that same place, i'm also going home. home is in either and both directions for me. and i realized during that landing that i really like this flexibility, of being able to go "home" anytime and slide right in. but i cant have a split focus forever. part of staying in new orleans was this idea of establishing some sort of roots. that doesn't mean i'll stay forever, but i think it requires a mental shift. maybe it's because i'm actually moving all my furniture and living some place where i have to pay all the bills. maybe it's because my mom told me the next time i move, i pay. whatever it is, there is a shift.

i'd like to think i'm ready for it, but large parts of me are scared, anxious, wanting to leave the big stuff for my parents to sort out, to do what grown-ups do. part of that too is that mostly when i look in the mirror, the word "adult" is not the first thing that comes to mind. but i learned recently that i have a terrible habit of comparing myself to others' appearances...so i must trust that what i see in my reflection is where and who i am right now, and thus where and who i should be. i'm entering a time that is distinctly different to the pattern i have grown accustomed to: go home on set breaks because someone else has decided my schedule. i don't think i'm still trapped in a college mindset but i have to admit--it's very convenient. i've been taking baby steps, well maybe toddler steps, into the "real world" since graduation 3 years ago, but this feels like the biggest step yet. it's like with every forward step i have taken, i have not committed fully to being all there. now, it's like moving more fully in a forward direction. maybe that's it--this actually feels like something different. i'm not in a program, i get to set my own rules, for goodness sake i have a real job! it's fitting then that something would feel different...and just in time.

i would like to have a book that i could turn to that would say: "this is how you should feel right now." and i would adjust accordingly. but part of this process is freeing myself from the "should's" and learning instead to trust the Spirit inside of me. learning to be present in each moment.

yet another part of it is this--my desire for home will never be entirely satisfied, no matter where i physically live. that is part of the way i was created...

They did not receive what was promised, but they saw it all from a distance and welcomed it. They agreed that they were foreigners and nomads here on earth. Obviously people who say such things are looking forward to a country they can call their own. If they had longed for the country they came from, they could have gone back. But they were looking for a better place, a heavenly homeland. That is why God is not ashamed to be called their God, for he has prepared a city for them. (Hebrews 11:13-16)

the home for which i am yearning is a far better place...

and in the meantime i will attempt to sow my heart's seeds in the context and setting of the story in which i find myself.

amen

my apologies

firstly, let me say i am really sorry for the extended delay in posting. while i'm sure there are only a few of you who have stayed on the edge of your seat awaiting this moment, i do feel bad because it was my intention to be more prompt in posting updates. and, there actually is an update to report.

the meat of the message is this: i have decided to stay in new orleans! i have already been able to see many of you and talk to you about this in person, but i am glad to have the opportunity to share it with those who i have not seen.

as a friend told me last year when i was considering coming to new orleans for a year-long volunteer program, the time for decision would come. and come it did. as of the last update i had several clear options, but really my head was spinning with the knowledge that i could honestly, fortunately, and probably do pretty much anything i wanted to do. i was feeling so overwhelmed for most of the decision-considering process that i was really leaning towards just going back to chicago after this program was finished and taking some time to rest and make a decision, somehow immune to any of the outside influences which might have effected my decision. it was going to be just me and my thoughts. (that's a scary idea...)

all the while, i had been praying and seeking prayer for God to provide clarity, peace, discernment--all those things which seem to make the process less painful and confusing. i kept saying, and wanted to believe, that although i had several clear options i was open to wherever God was calling me.

i cant remember the exact sequence of events, but those are less important than their cumulative product. somehow, my mind began thinking about the staying-in-neworleans option differently than it had before. i began to see things here differently and began to look at the process of decision-making differently. in the end, what it boiled down to was this: i could either go home, to spend time with my thoughts, and look for an opportunity that included urban ministry, involvement with a healthy church body, living and working in the same community, and be near friends OR i could stay in new orleans which included working with an urban ministry, involvement with a healthy church body, living and working in the same community, and being with friends. hm... now, i do not mean to imply that all cities are the same or all urban ministries are the same or that my experience with any given ministry would be the same as the experience i could have in new orleans. BUT it didn't seem to make sense that i would give up what i've been building here for a year to go start somewhere else, with the goal of building something very very similar.

this process has reminded me that crucial lesson--just about the time i want to give up on a place because i dont fit in or havent connected, is right about the time that all those connections or friends i had randomly met start falling into place. just stick around long enough and things will come together. not to mention being a part of the life of a place. if living somewhere for one year gives you a picture of a place, think how much more filled-in and deep the colors of that picture can be when given more time to explore and dive into that place. so, thus was my conclusion to stay in new orleans.

now for the specifics. i will join the staff of Desire Street Ministries in New Orleans and work with several families on the start of a new church in a neighborhood near the Upper Ninth Ward. i have been promised that i will not be spending all my time at a desk...in fact i get to spend time in the neighborhood getting to know families, as well as help with an after-school program and free tax preparation! i will be moving to live closer to this neighborhood with a friend from church.

i am really excited about this opportunity and am glad to have made a decision. of course, many questions and unknowns remain, as is the natural state of life in new orleans these days. but, i have learned that faith means taking a step when you dont have all the answers and trusting that God will provide the ground to stand on at the moment you need it. and it hasn't failed yet!