Book Corner: The Prodigal God by Tim Keller

I’ll start by saying I really liked this book.  I guess I was predisposed to liking it because I had heard about it and looked forward to finally reading it.  But it did not disappoint.  Tim Keller unpacks the familiar story of the prodigal son (Luke 15) and applies it to the whole story of the Gospel.  He really breaks it down so that each chapter of the book looks at one particular aspect of the parable—from the audience listening to Jesus, to each character in the story, to the larger lessons we can learn about our own hearts. 

He started with a definition of prodigal, which was important because if the common understanding of the “prodigal son” label implies someone irresponsible and selfish then it is somewhat alarming to couple that term with God, as in the title of the book.  But, Keller provides some insight in the books’ introduction:

    

     “The word ‘prodigal’ does not mean ‘wayward’ but, according to Merriam-Webster’s Collegiate    

     Dictionary, ‘recklessly spendthrift.’ It means to spend until you have nothing left.  This term is therefore  

     as appropriate for describing the father in the story as his younger son.  The father’s welcome to the  

     repentant son was literally reckless, because he refused to ‘reckon’ or count his sin against him or demand  

     repayment…prod-i-gal: recklessly extravagant; having spent everything. “ 

As Keller extrapolates, that word can have different connotations, depending on whose “everything” was spent, and the longer-term consequences. 

I also liked how Keller broke the story down not just as an exposition about the younger son in the parable, but rightly points to Christ’s teaching of this story about two sons.  The story is as much about the older son as it is about the younger.  I have heard some teachings in the past which included a look at both brothers, and since I most relate to the legalistic tendencies of the older, I appreciated the full treatment that Keller gives. 

Now for a smattering of some particularly good & convicting passages from the book...

Both Wrong; Both Loved (pp 44-47)

Jesus does not divide the world into the moral “good guys” and the immoral “bad guys.”  He shows us that everyone is dedicated to a project of self-salvation, to using God and others in order to get power and control for themselves.  We are just going about it in different ways.  Even though both sons are wrong, however, the father cares for them and invites them both back into his love and feast.

                This means that Jesus’ message, which is “the gospel,” is a completely different spirituality.  The gospel of Jesus is not religion or irreligion, morality or immorality, moralism or relativism, conservatism or liberalism.  Nor is it something halfway along a spectrum between two poles—it is something else altogether.

                The gospel is distinct from the other two approaches: In its view, everyone is wrong, everyone is loved, and everyone is called to recognize this and change.  By contrast, elder brothers divide the world in two: “The good people (like us) are in and the bad people, who are the real problem with the world, are out.”  Younger brothers, even if they don’t believe in God at all, do the same thing, saying: “No, the open-minded and tolerant people are in and the bigoted, narrow-mined people, who are the real problem with the world, are out.”

                But Jesus says: “The humble are in and the proud are out” (see Luke 18:14 & Luke 5:32).  The people who confess they aren’t particularly good or open-minded are moving toward God, because the prerequisite for receiving the grace of God is to know you need it.  The people who think they are just fine, thank you, are moving away from God.  “The Lord…cares for the humble, but he keeps his distance from the proud” (Psalm 138:6)…

                Although the sons are both wrong and both loved, the story does not end on the same note for each.  Why does Jesus construct the story so that one of them is saved, restored to a right relationship with the father, and one of them is not? (At least, not before the story ends.) It may be that Jesus is trying to say that while both forms of the self-salvation project are equally wrong, each one is not equally dangerous.  One of the ironies of the parable is now revealed.  The younger son’s flight from the father was crashingly obvious.  He left the father literally, physically, and morally.  Though the older son stayed at home, he was actually more distant and alienated from the father than his brother, because he was blind to his true condition.  He would have been horribly offended by the suggestion that he was rebelling against the father’s authority and love, but he was, deeply. 

 *     *     *

“We habitually and instinctively look to other things besides God and his grace as our justification, hope, significance, and security.  We believe the gospel at one level, but at deeper levels we do not.  Human approval, professional success, power and influence, family and clan identity—all of these things serve as our heart’s ‘functional trust’ rather than what Christ has done, and as a result we continue to be driven to a great degree by fear, anger, and a lack of self-control.  You cannot change such things through mere willpower, through learning Biblical principles and trying to carry them out.  We can only change permanently as we take the gospel more deeply into our understanding and into our hearts.  We must feed on the gospel, as it were, digesting it and making it part of ourselves.  That is how we grow." (p.115)

“The elder brother’s problem is his self-righteousness, the way he uses his moral record to put God and others in his debt to control them and get them to do what he wants.  His spiritual problem is the radical insecurity that comes from basing his self-image on achievements and performance, so he must endlessly prop up his sense of righteousness by putting others down and finding fault…To find God we must repent of the things we have done wrong, but if that is all you do, you may remain just an elder brother.  To truly become Christians we must also repent of the reasons we ever did anything right.  Pharisees only repent of their sins, but Christians repent for the very roots of their (self-) righteousness, too.  We must learn how to repent of the sin under all our other sins and under all our “righteousness” —the sin of seeking to be our own Savior and Lord.”  (pp 77-78)

“How can the inner workings of the heart be changed from a dynamic fear and anger to that of love, joy, and gratitude?  Here is how.  You need to be moved by the sight of what it cost to bring you home… You need to see how GREAT is our outstanding debt and distance from God and how GREAT is Christ’s willingness and action to make it right.  ” (pp 85-86)

“Jesus Christ, who had all the power in the world, saw us enslaved by the very things we thought would free us.  So he emptied himself of his glory and became a servant (Philippians 2).  He laid aside the infinities and immensities of his being and, at the cost of his life, paid the debt for our sins, purchasing us the only place our hearts can rest, in his Father’s house.”  (p 87)

“If the Lord of the universe loves us enough to experience this for us, what are we afraid of?”

“…the Cross proves God’s care for you and gives you all the security you need.”

“…all change comes from deepening your understanding of the salvation of Christ and living out of the changes that understanding creates in your heart.  Faith in the gospel restructures our motivations, our self-understanding, our identity, and our view of the world.  Behavioral compliance to rules without heart-change will be superficial and fleeting.”

I highly recommend The Prodigal God by Tim Keller.  On the surface it's an easy read, but without rushing to get through it, we can come out with some real heart change.  

All excerpts taken from Keller, Timothy. The Prodigal God. New York: Dutton, 2008

the Christmas stairway

in church this advent season, we have been going through a series called "Christmas in Genesis." it has been really neat to see illustrations and foreshadowing of the Christmas story in the first book of the bible.  it's not normally the place that one might turn to remember the story of baby Jesus, but he's in there, if we have the eyes to see! 

last week we looked at the story of Jacob & the stairway to heaven.  commonly referred to as Jacob's ladder, the pastor first reminded us that the image is not actually a ladder, but some stairs. that distinction is important, because as a ladder, we think it represents how we must struggle and climb our way up to God in some unreachable place.  but in fact, Jacob's vision is one of movement both up and down the stairs.  he sees angels ascending all the way up to heaven, and angels also descending the stairs to earth.  this is a picture of God's work--the angels are the messengers of God's love and plans and as they are directed by God, they come to earth to act and as they finish their task, they head back up to heaven.

but, the angels are not the only ones occupying these stairs.  from heaven, God speaks to Jacob and says: I am with you. I will watch over you and protect you.  I will not leave you until I have done what I promised to you.  when Jacob woke from his sleep, he knew that surely God was with him.

as the pastor was delivering his sermon, i was thinking about one of my first experiences reading about Jacob, several years ago.  i remembered when i first read through Genesis and i got really hung up on this guy.  the story of him & his stairway vision comes immediately after he has stolen his brother's birthright and fled to avoid his father's punishment.  he is a deceitful trickster and i could not wrap my head around why in the world God would give him such significant blessing (not only here, but also when God wrestles with him and renames him Israel.)  can't God see how bad and undeserving Jacob is, i thought?  what is going on here???

and what i didn't know then was GRACE.  i didn't see then how Jacob's mischief and hardness of heart is a picture of mine and the very same promises God makes to Jacob can actually be mine too.  how?  only by God's outrageous grace and redemption.  the thing that upset me about Jacob was that i felt that he represented the world of "bad people" and, knowing i represented the world of "good people," i worried about this upside-down-nature of what God was doing.   is He rewarding sin?  but no!  it's by his mercy and kindness that we are led to repentance.  He chooses the foolish things of the world, the things we would cast-off and discount, as the vessels for his power and glory. 

God delights in lavishing his grace and mercy on those who don't deserve it.....which is all of us!  He loves making his riches known in situations where human wisdom can't find a way out. my gut-reaction to Jacob is not all wrong--he is in fact a bad guy. i held him at arm's length because i could not fathom a God doing good for bad people.  but, that is the crux of God's heart!  that is the moral of the whole story, the key to humility and transformation. we need to see Jacob's sin, and our own, to understand how unbelievable it is that God would come to rescue us. will we have the eyes to see our family resemblance to Jacob?

in Jacob's vision, God was still up in heaven, speaking down to him.  but at Christmas, we see the full completion of this story.  when Jesus calls several of his disciples, He amazes them by knowing things about them they didn't tell him directly.  He assures them that that is not the most amazing thing they will see him do. He then added, "Very truly I tell you, you will see 'heaven open, and the angels of God ascending and descending on' the Son of Man." (John 1:43-51)  do you see the fulfillment of Jacob's vision?  Jesus says that He himself IS the very stairway upon which angels go up and down, the stairway that connects heaven to earth, at the top of which is God looking down with love and grace on his people. Jesus is the incarnation of that grace and mercy God spoke to Jacob in his vision. Jesus is God with us, keeping his promises to lead and protect us.  it is a sort of an odd image to picture Jesus as a stairway, but that's what He's saying--He is the very connection between man and God.  and Christmas is the time when God made that definitive act of grace, coming to Earth in the form of his son, to be with us, to save us Jacobs from our sin and deliver us from God's just wrath.  the real gift of Christmas is God giving himself to liars and tricksters and sinners like Jacob and you and me!

God does not give us a ladder, which we must climb by our own efforts to reach him.  He gives us a stairway, and He descends to rescue us.  may this Christmas be a time we remember and celebrate God's radical love.

complain much? you're in good company.

so i'm reading through exodus.  God has just dazzled pharaoh and the egyptians, not to mention his own people, with plagues of increasing intensity, eventually securing the release of the hebrews from slavery in egypt.  if that weren't enough, he led them by pillars of cloud and fire through the wilderness, promising to bring them to a new land.  only one thing stood in their way--that pesky little red sea. so, He did what He had to do: split the sea and led His people through on dry land.  as the egyptians pursued, the walls of water crashed in on them, drowning the enemies for good.  Moses & his sister Miriam respond by leading the people in great songs of adoration and praise for God's mighty act of salvation.

and what happens next?  the israelites start to complain.  that's right, they complain! can you imagine? they even tell Moses that they should have been left alone to die in Egypt--at least there they had food and drink.

as i read and reflect on this passage, i see my heart going in two directions.
first, i cannot believe or understand why the israelites would complain.  don't they see God's desire and active will to save them?  don't they see His ongoing mercy?  don't they realize that the very same God who parted the seas and freed them from centuries-long slavery would certainly give them what they needed to survive?  did they really think God had led them through all that just to abandon them in the wilderness?

and then, that quiet but persistent reminder in my heart tells me that i am not that different from the complaining israelites.  was this passage included in scripture for us to read and tout our superiority?  no, i think it was included so that we could see our place among the israelites--not just in God's acts of favor, but also in short-sightedness and forgetfulness. sure it would be easy to tell myself that i, unlike the israelites, always remember God's faithfulness and never doubt it will come again.  easy, maybe. but completely honest? not so much.  my complaints might not sound exactly like theirs, and they may not come right on the heels of miraculous sea-parting, but surely they come.  and not only do i have the record of the sea-parting to remind me of God's might and power, but also the whole rest of history...not to mention the miracles and provision i have seen from God in my own life.  what right do i have to complain?  why do i so often forget?

the other place my mind goes when thinking about my complaining brethren is to an assumption of God's response.  considering my instinctive reaction to the israelites' complaints, i want to run with that exasperation and say "fine, you don't see all that God is doing?  then you don't get anything else good!"  but what does God say?  "I am going to rain bread from heaven for you, and each day the people shall go out and gather enough for that day." (Exodus 16)

we have probably all experienced ungrateful people, often exaggerated by our estimation of whether or not that other person's ungratefulness is justified or not.  the last thing i want to do for someone who is ungrateful, particularly following an especially sacrificial thing that i may have done for them, is do more.  the last thing i want to feel is even more unappreciated.  but thankfully, God's heart is much richer in grace and mercy than mine!!  what does God do when he hears the complaints of his people?  he gives more, he gives what they need.  and therein is the other lesson for me--not only do i get a reflection of my heart's own faithless tendency to complain and doubt, but also a stunning picture of the mercy and compassion that our Father gives to unrighteous complainers like us.  hold out love and blessing until they realize what fools they've become and come crawling back to apologize?  no!  surely this does not give us a picture of a push-over God--he can do what He wants to do. yes, He could have withheld blessing to teach the israelites a lesson in keeping their complaints to themselves.  but here we see that He does what He really wants to do--provide for His people, even in the midst of their doubt and foolishness and forgetfulness of His good and always-sufficient nearness.

how can i respond like this?  i pray for my instincts to change, to be able to respond with mercy & compassion when my nature often compels me to turn away from those in need or shake them until they realize how blessed they already are.  how can i learn to complain less and find contentment more?  i pray for my heart to hold on to the abundance of God's grace, and all the ways i've seen that, instead of clinging desperately to the cultural messages of scarcity and greed.

particularly in this season of all-consuming materialism, let us humbly learn from our israelite ancestors and rejoice in God's abundant provision and love, which never forgets or abandons us.

The Heart of the Golden Rule

The Grace of God in our Circumstances: Why you weren't Born as an Impoverished Child in an Unreached Nation

Why was I born into such privilege when most of the world wasn't?

How am I using what I was born into to do unto others what I would have them do unto me?

How can I translate that into thanksgiving?

Good questions to ponder...and then to act upon!

like a dagger to my heart, the Truth

whenever i finally sit down and catch up on the hordes of blog subscriptions that i generally neglect for months at a time, i inevitably end up with several that just really hit me in a deep, good way.  so, as a way of reminding myself and sharing with you, i've re-posted them here. (Click on the title of the first two articles for full text.)

The Costume Kingdom (Paul Tripp) 

Love Warns, Love Rebukes (Paul Tripp)

Prayer Answered by Crosses (John Newton)

I asked the Lord that I might grow

In faith and love and every grace,

Might more of his salvation know,

And seek more earnestly his face.

‘Twas he who taught me thus to pray;

And he, I trust, has answered prayer;

But it has been in such a way

As almost drove me to despair.

I hoped that, in some favoured hour,

At once he’d answer my request,

And by his love’s constraining power

Subdue my sins, and give me rest.

Instead of this, he made me feel

The hidden evils of my heart,

And let the angry powers of hell

Assault my soul in every part.

Yea, more, with his own hand he seemed 

Intent to aggravate my woe,

Crossed all the fair designs I schemed,

Blasted my gourds, and laid me low.

Lord, why is this? I trembling cried;

Wilt thou pursue this worm to death?

This is the way, the Lord replied 

I answer prayer for grace and faith.

These inward trials I now employ

From self and pride to set thee free, 

And break thy schemes of earthly joy,

That thou may’st seek thy all in me.

friends, let us not choose comfort over truth. 

hear the Voice (read this one second)

so the first in this series will actually be a book review i was supposed to do last year.

when my friend stephen told me last october about the Voice, a new bible translation project, it sounded really neat. i looked it up online and saw that i could get a just-published New Testament for FREE! what could be better? the only catch--i had to blog about it. well, better late than never, eh?

from the website:

"Much like the Hebrews at the time of the New Testament, emerging generations today connect with story rather than isolated facts. Too often, preaching is reduced to articulating truth statements somehow hidden in a complex, powerful, and redemptive story. Jesus taught through parables and metaphors; modern Christians have attempted to translate His teaching into a system of irrefutable fact statements and something seems to be getting lost in the translation.
Hence, a group of writers, poets, scholars, pastors, and storytellers have committed to work together to bring the Scriptures to life in a way that celebrates both beauty and truth.
The result is a retelling of the Scriptures: The Voice, not of words, but of meaning and experience.
The Voice is a fresh expression of the timeless narrative known as the Bible. Stories that were told to emerging generations of God's goodness by their grandparents and tribal leaders were recorded and assembled to form the Christian Scriptures. Too often the passion, grit, humor, and beauty has been lost in the translation process. The Voice seeks to recapture what was lost."

and from the preface of the Voice New Testament:
"The Voice uniquely represents collaboration among scholars, pastors, writers, musicians, poets, and other artists. The goal is to create the finest Bible products to hep believers experience the joy and wonder of God's revelation. Four key words describe the vision of this project: holistic (considers heart, soul, and mind); beautiful (achieves literary and artistic excellence); sensitive (respects cultural shifts and the need for accuracy); and balanced (includes theologically diverse writers and scholars)...The heart of the project is retelling the story of the Bible in a form as fluid as modern literary works yet remaining painstakingly true to the original manuscripts."

i have really enjoyed reading through the Voice. i have appreciated the way the collaborators made an effort to draw out the context so the reader can really understand how the listeners of that day would be hearing the message. i have been on the fence for a while about the Message version of the bible but i feel the Voice is different. i think where the Message paraphrases things to make them more transferable to today's language, the Voice's concern about the way the original audience would have heard what was being said is emphasized. it is more of a direct translation, and less of a paraphrase, so the authenticity of the words still shines through. it has really illuminated meaning and value for me to read certain passages in the Voice and then compare those to another version and see the depth of what i'm reading. a lot of the text is broken up into sort of stage directions, with "narration" given between the "players' lines." this is helpful to clarify some dialogue and also helps in imagining the scene during Jesus' time.

some of my favorite passages from the Voice, and you can do the homework of comparing them to another bible version to see the differences....
"There is a sure way for us to know that we belong to the truth. Even though our inner thoughts may condemn us with storms of guilt and constant reminders of our failures, we can know in our hearts in His presence that God Himself is greater than any accusation. He knows all things and has chosen to offer grace instead of condemnation. My loved ones, if our hearts cannot condemn us we can stand with confidence before God. Whatever we may ask, we receive it form Him because we follow His commands and take the path that pleases Him. His command is clear: believe in the name of His Son, Jesus, our Liberating King, and love one another as He commanded. The one who follows His teaching and walks this path lives in an intimate relationship with God." (1 John 3:19-24)

"So my brothers and sisters, you owe the flesh nothing! You do not need to live according to its ways, so abandon its oppressive regime. For if your life is just about satisfying the impulses of your sinful nature, then prepare to die. But if you have invited the Spirit to destroy these selfish desires, you will experience life. If the Spirit of God is leading you, then take comfort in knowing you are His children." (Romans 8:12-14)

"Finally, brothers and sisters, keep rejoicing and repair whatever is broken. Encourage each other, think as one, and live at peace; and God, the Author of love and peace, will remain with you." (2 Corinthians 13:11)

"We have cause to celebrate because the grace of God has appeared, offering the gift of salvation to all people. Grace arrives with its own instruction: run away from anything that leads us away from God; abandon the lusts and passions of this world; live life now in this age with awareness and self-control, doing the right thing and keeping yourselves holy. Watch for His return; expect the blessed hope we all are to share when our amazing God and Savior, Jesus, the Liberating King, appears again. He gave His body for our sake and will not only break us free from the chains of wickedness, but He will also prepare a community uncorrupted by the world that He would call His own--people who are passionate about doing the right thing." (Titus 2: 11-14)

"The Liberating King suffered for us and left us His example so that we could follow in His steps. When He was verbally abused, He didn't return the abuse; when He suffered, He didn't make threats to cause suffering in return; instead, He trusted that all would be put right by the One who is just when He judges." (1 Peter 2:22-23)

another neat thing is that there have been two audio projects as part of the Voice, and these put the psalms of the Old Testament to music. i have heard a few of these selections and if you can get your hands on these, i highly recommend them! for more info check these out: hearthevoice.com, Songs from the Voice (Vol. 1), Songs from the Voice (Vol. 2).

ashes, ashes, we all fall down

coming into ash wednesday, i went back in forth in my mind about the idea of getting the symbolic ash mark on my forehead. this is never something i had needed to consider before and i was intrigued. in ash wednesdays past, i have been one of those people strangely drawn to stare at anyone with the forehead marking. i understand what it represents but i was torn. torn because on the one hand, the bible tells us not to make a big scene of our fasting or praying or other acts--for the sake of being seen--but that our Father in heaven sees and rewards and that if we are doing it to be seen we need to check our hearts. on the other hand, baptism, a very significant gesture and sign in the life of a christ-follower is all about being an outward declaration to the world of the direction and posture of your life in Christ. really, honestly, despite all this holy talk, my vanity was really about to get the best of me. did i really want that ashy stuff on my foreheard all day? did i want the strange looks and the questions from the kids in the neighborhood? did i want to have to explain it over and over, perhaps even to people to whom explanations really didn't matter?
but as i sat there in the beginning of the ash wednesday service, a stronger thought came to me-- I NEED THIS. i not only need everything that is represented by this ash, this sign, this season, but i NEED this shot to my vanity. if lent is everything it's cracked up to be, then it's a set aside time to focus on our repentance...and our ability to rest in the finished work of Christ on the cross. it is a time for me to choose, to attempt, to admit i fail at putting aside my vanity YET all the while rejoice in Christ's unconditional forgiveness. i needed this reminder, this sign that stared back at me every time i looked in the mirror today. i need to be reminded that i AM set apart. and frankly, if explaining an ashy smudge on my forehead was the strongest sign of Christ to those around me today, then taking up my cross daily compelled me to do it. was i really about to choose my own vanity over an outward sign of my faith? isn't that what this is all about?

people of God, come now in the spirit of penitence, and receive on your head in ashes the sign of the cross, the symbol of our mortality, a symbol of the cost of sin, and yet the sign of our salvation and promise of eternal life.

ain't that just the kicker??!?! that one smudge represents my mortality, the cost of my sin AND YET the sign of my salvation and promise of eternal life. as if my wearing of the ash had ANYthing at all to do with accomplishing anything. my world boils down to how the ash will match or clash with my current day's outfit when in TRUTH and reality, the ash actually represents all that has already and forever been done to absolve me of my own self-full-ness, the illusion of the earth's orbit around me. amazing. i could wear the ash or not, it truly changes naught. God's mercy has been activated once and for all....and all i am thinking about is the pore-clogging-factor.

remember that you are dust, and to dust you shall return.

May our fasting be hunger for justice; our alms, a making of peace; our prayer, the chant of humble and grateful hearts.

the pastor spoke of the lenten tradition of fasting and sacrifice. he reminded us that the emphasis is not on giving up bad things. those bad things, of course, are actually to be given up all year long. no, the point of this fast is not to give up those things that lead us into sin or temptation but to give up good things...for the sake of seeing what's better. i indulge in chocolate and my enjoyment often ends at the chocolate for chocolate's sake. however, this time of pensiveness and abstinence pushes me to think of where that chocolate's goodness comes from...it forces me to remember that for all the goodness of the gift, the Giver is inherently and infinitely better.

were the whole realm of nature mine, that were an offering far too small; love so amazing, so divine, demands my soul , my life, my all.

teach us Lord to count our days, that we may gain a wise heart. satisfy us in the morning with your steadfast love, so that we may rejoice and be glad all our days. through Christ, our Lord. amen.

Rend your heart
and not your garments.
Return to the LORD your God,
for he is gracious and compassionate,
slow to anger and abounding in love,
and he relents from sending calamity. (joel 2. 13)

Deliver me from bloodguiltiness, O God,
O God of my salvation,
and my tongue will sing aloud of your righteousness.
O Lord, open my lips,
and my mouth will declare your praise.
For you will not delight in sacrifice, or I would give it;
you will not be pleased with a burnt offering.
The sacrifices of God are a broken spirit;
a broken and contrite heart, O God, you will not despise. (psalm 51.14-17)

bearing shame and scoffing rude, in my place condemned he stood, sealed my pardon with his blood, Hallelujah! What a Savior!
Guilty, vile, and helpless we; spotless Lamb of God was he; full atonement! Can it be?
Hallelujah! What a Savior!

Go in peace, remembering that you are but dust and ashes and unworthy of being called the people of God. But also remember that, you who were no people, God by His love and grace has made a people, children of his own household. Let us go forth in humility to be Christ to the world.

how many times can one person move away from home?

i can't quite verbalize all that occurred to me in that instant on the plane, but as we pulled into the terminal at o'hare, with the overly restless white sox fan sitting to my left, i began to think. something about coming "home" and what that means.

it occurred to me that i needed, and was perhaps watching myself prepare, to let go of the dual-identity that i have been maintaining for so long. i felt like i was standing on the edge, in that place of wanting to hold on to both worlds as long as i can, wanting to continue to be independent and dependent at the same time. i want to have my own life but also slip back into this life too. i want the safety net of both homes, of sort of playing house wherever i lived but being able to count on the more permanent place of the home where i grew up.

these thoughts make that bon jovi country song keep playing on a loop in my head. i'm not saying you can't go back but i have been living a life in-between for quite some time. it's a strange existence where my permanent address has been a place where i haven't lived for more than a month in nearly 6 years. it's an existence where, when i leave the place i'm living i say i'm going home but when i return to that same place, i'm also going home. home is in either and both directions for me. and i realized during that landing that i really like this flexibility, of being able to go "home" anytime and slide right in. but i cant have a split focus forever. part of staying in new orleans was this idea of establishing some sort of roots. that doesn't mean i'll stay forever, but i think it requires a mental shift. maybe it's because i'm actually moving all my furniture and living some place where i have to pay all the bills. maybe it's because my mom told me the next time i move, i pay. whatever it is, there is a shift.

i'd like to think i'm ready for it, but large parts of me are scared, anxious, wanting to leave the big stuff for my parents to sort out, to do what grown-ups do. part of that too is that mostly when i look in the mirror, the word "adult" is not the first thing that comes to mind. but i learned recently that i have a terrible habit of comparing myself to others' appearances...so i must trust that what i see in my reflection is where and who i am right now, and thus where and who i should be. i'm entering a time that is distinctly different to the pattern i have grown accustomed to: go home on set breaks because someone else has decided my schedule. i don't think i'm still trapped in a college mindset but i have to admit--it's very convenient. i've been taking baby steps, well maybe toddler steps, into the "real world" since graduation 3 years ago, but this feels like the biggest step yet. it's like with every forward step i have taken, i have not committed fully to being all there. now, it's like moving more fully in a forward direction. maybe that's it--this actually feels like something different. i'm not in a program, i get to set my own rules, for goodness sake i have a real job! it's fitting then that something would feel different...and just in time.

i would like to have a book that i could turn to that would say: "this is how you should feel right now." and i would adjust accordingly. but part of this process is freeing myself from the "should's" and learning instead to trust the Spirit inside of me. learning to be present in each moment.

yet another part of it is this--my desire for home will never be entirely satisfied, no matter where i physically live. that is part of the way i was created...

They did not receive what was promised, but they saw it all from a distance and welcomed it. They agreed that they were foreigners and nomads here on earth. Obviously people who say such things are looking forward to a country they can call their own. If they had longed for the country they came from, they could have gone back. But they were looking for a better place, a heavenly homeland. That is why God is not ashamed to be called their God, for he has prepared a city for them. (Hebrews 11:13-16)

the home for which i am yearning is a far better place...

and in the meantime i will attempt to sow my heart's seeds in the context and setting of the story in which i find myself.

amen

stuck in my head

over the past month or so, i have not been able to get a certain song out of my mind...

Seek ye first the Kingdom of God and His righteousness
and all these things shall be added unto you,
allelu, aleluia.
Man shall not live by bread alone, but by every word
that proceeds from the mouth of God,
allelu, aleluia.
Ask, and it shall be given unto you, Seek, and ye shall find.
Knock, and the door shall be opened unto you,
allelu, aleluia.

it's a simple song and it's no small thing that it has been revolving in my
brain for some time.  it is an important reminder that i must keep
coming back to.

you see, i'm at that point where everyone (including myself) wants to
know "what’s next."  when i decided to come to new orleans, i was
warned by more than one person that i was really just delaying
the inevitable by doing another one-year program.  while i disagree
with this statement at some level, since even the short-term decisions
and plans that we make add up to a long-term compilation (that
john lennon quote comes to mind, “life is what happens when you
are busy making other plans”), i agree that it is somewhat easy to
pick one-year programs and not really consider the longer-term.  
and i must admit i haven't minded putting that off in the past.  i
think there's a lot of complex reasons why i've avoided really facing
the question of what i want to do in my life, some good and some
questionable.  and while i'm getting there, making progress in the
life-long process of thinking about what i would like to do in my life,
i have been reminded over and over again to seek God first.  so often,
i want to seek an answer or a magical finger pointing me in the right
direction.  but no, i'm told to wholly seek Him first.

Matthew wrote about a time that Jesus taught his disciples in the art of
not worrying. 

"Therefore I tell you, do not worry about your life, what
you will eat or drink; or about your body, what you will
wear. Is not life more important than food, and the body
more important than clothes? Look at the birds of the
air; they do not sow or reap or store away in barns,
and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you
not much more valuable than they? Who of you by
worrying can add a single hour to his life?
And why do you worry about clothes? See how the
lilies of the field grow. They do not labor or spin.
Yet I tell you that not even Solomon in all his
splendor was dressed like one of these. If that is
how God clothes the grass of the field, which is
here today and tomorrow is thrown into the fire,
will he not much more clothe you, O you of little
faith? So do not worry, saying, 'What shall we
eat?' or 'What shall we drink?' or 'What shall we
wear?' For the pagans run after all these things,
and your heavenly Father knows that you need
them. But seek first his kingdom and his
righteousness, and all these things will be
given to you as well. Therefore do not worry
about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry
about itself. Each day has enough trouble of
its own."  (Matthew 6.19-34)

i think it's actually pretty easy for me to trust God to provide food, clothes,
shelter on a day to day basis.  but the trickier part is trusting Him to
provide a way, trusting that if I solely seek Him and put the things
of His Kingdom forefront in my mind, that ALL ELSE will be taken
care of.  this is the part where practical emily says "ok ok, i get it, You
will provide my food and clothes. No problem.  but God, i think there
are some logistical details you're neglecting. like where will i work?
where will i live?"  ha! to suggest there is a detail that God is
neglecting, no matter the category, is like suggesting to the sun
that it has forgotten how to shine or suggesting to the earth that
it has forgotten how to spin.  it is contrary to the nature of the
very thing which i am addressing--in other words, impossible.  i
have to remind myself to remember that the “all these things”
which will be given to me do not just include food and shelter
but merely all that I need to live—a plan, a hope, a direction,
and enough faith by which to keep up the pursuit.   

cue stage-left, Faith.  faith is the assurance of things hoped for, things not
seen.  so, if i am to trust and believe and live with abandon in the assurance
of truth that by my pursuing God (and not a career path or "THE right
answer" or plan-of-my-own-creation) He will take care of all the rest, i
need to have some serious assurance of things not seen.  because it makes
no sense, it's completely upside down. the world says it's ok to trust, but
make sure you tie up any possible loose ends in case it comes back to get
you.  the world says pick a career or life-path and go at it like your life
depends on it...because it does. and God says simply and calmly to my
spirit: Follow Me.  there's no room for argument there.

talk about an upside down view/Jeremiah...in Acholi-land?

i have been reading through the book of Jeremiah again and have been
struck by several things. the first is in the message that God calls
jeremiah to deliver to the people being taken captive by the Babylonians.
he tells them they have two choices: fight back & die or surrender &
live.  The Israelites were warned of this captivity and yet refused to
repent in response to God's mercy.  it seemed to them that they had to
fight to protect their land, their families, their lives.  however, God told
them that if they fought they would die.  if they accepted what seemed
to be the illogical—to surrender to a sworn enemy—they would actually
live and prosper in the end.  How nonsensical  is that?  our culture tells
us to fight for our lives, fight for our rights.  we know we have to protect
ourselves because it seems we cannot trust anyone else to protect us.  
but God says give up and trust Me.  He tells His people that the fight
will cost them their lives but their surrender will open a door to future
blessings.  they will not die in captivity, if they remain surrendered to
God, and will be released to greater blessing into God's promises.  

an oft-quoted passage of scripture is jeremiah 29.11:  "For I know the plans
I have for you,” declares the LORD, "plans to prosper you and not to harm
you, plans to give you hope and a future." reassuring, certainly, and a look
at the context of this verse sheds some interesting light.

This line is found in a letter from God to His people in exile.  Jeremiah
writes: This is what the LORD Almighty, the God of Israel,
says to all those I carried into exile from Jerusalem to 
Babylon: "Build houses and settle down; plant gardens
and eat what they produce. Marry and have sons and
daughters; find wives for your sons and give your
daughters in marriage, so that they too may have
sons and daughters. Increase in number there;
do not decrease.  Also, seek the peace and
prosperity of the city to which I have carried
you into exile. Pray to the LORD for it,
because if it prospers, you too will prosper”…
This is what the LORD says: "When seventy
years are completed for Babylon, I will come
to you and fulfill my gracious promise to
bring you back to this place. For I know the
plans I have for you," declares the LORD,
"plans to prosper you and not to harm you,
plans to give you hope and a future.  Then
you will call upon me and come and pray
to me, and I will listen to you.  You will
seek me and find me when you seek me
with all your heart. I will be found by you,"
declares the LORD, "and will bring you
back from captivity. I will gather you
from all the nations and places where I
have banished you," declares the LORD,
"and will bring you back to the place from
which I carried you into exile." 
(Jeremiah 29.4-14)

encouraging message yes, though it comes only after being told the exile
will last 70 years.  indeed i intend to live a life pursuing the welfare of
the place where i live because i have seen how my welfare is wrapped up
in that.  but how appealing is it to pursue the good of the land to which
you've been unwillingly sent?  how distracted am i on what seems like
punishment to hear that God is clearly intending to use it for my good
and His glory? His words of promise are true, but how much more
value do they have when we see that this promise was coming to people
who "should have" already lost all hope.  This promise was coming
in an unknown land, after being taken captive.  

last night, i slept on the Tulane quad to take part in a simulation of a tiny
taste of what life is like for the Acholi people in northern Uganda.  the
Acholi, similar to the Israelites, have been forced to leave their homes,
land, and livelihoods in the midst of a 21-year civil war that is tearing
their country apart. lately i have wondered, as i have before, how i can
reconcile my knowledge and faith of a loving, just, and righteous God
with all the injustice in the world.  i understand why bad things happen,
but I struggle with why bad things are allowed to continue for so long...
and how God's word can be comforting to people who are starving to
death because of a national situation that they did nothing to initiate or
perpetuate.  i have been reminded that in these times, it is God's
compassion that speaks most clearly and loudly.  while i believe in
a sovereign God, i do not think that means that God watches the world's
evil with pleasure.  to the contrary, i believe that God holds the hands
of the dying mothers, carries the starving babies in His arms and
mourns, weeps tenderly, with them.  i don’t think that any of this
pain or suffering is lost on God, but i just wish He would put it
all to an end!

jeremiah has given me hope, yet again, for the Acholi people and others
who suffer in lands across the world.  God has spoken and His promises
are true--He speaks of a hope that is unseen.  He tells us of a day when
wars will cease and there will be no more tears.  and i think a lot of the
time that He spends talking about justice and righteousness for the
oppressed and abused is a call for those of us who aren’t living in
oppressive situations to break those burdens for our brothers and
sisters who are. i wonder at God how He can write that He delights
in love, justice, and righteousness in the earth when all this suffering
happens but i think that's the point.  He doesn’t delight in the
suffering, but does delight when people respond in love.  

as i read through another section of what God said to His people in
captivity, i caught another glimpse of hope for the Acholi people in
northern Uganda.  He has promised: 
The people who survived the sword found grace in the
wilderness…I have loved you with an everlasting
love; therefore I have continued my faithfulness to
you...again you shall take your tambourines, and
go forth in the dance of the merrymakers.  Again you
shall plant vineyards on the mountains of
Samaria...see I am going to bring them from the
land of the north, and gather them from the
farthest parts of the earth, among them the
blind and the lame, those with child and those
in labor, together; a great company, they shall
return here...I will turn their mourning into joy,
I will comfort them, and give them gladness for
sorrow…Keep your voice from weeping, and your
eyes from tears; for there is a reward for your
work, says the Lord: they shall come back from
the land of the enemy; there is hope for your
future... (Jeremiah 31)

i cannot imagine the faith it must take just to survive each day in
Acholi-land, but even more difficult would be surviving without
any faith, any hope of a rescue.  

and God promises the same to me.  His word is to me as it was to the
Israelites and as it is to the Acholi--fight & die or surrender & live.
i must choose to believe, i must ask the Holy Spirit to move me to believe.
i cannot make myself have faith, but i must ask to be open enough to
receive it.  i must surrender to the hope that God is calling me to,
sacrificing the smaller idols that i am tempted to fill my life with. i must
surrender to the truth that God will meet all my needs, even those
logistical ones that i am so tempted to doubt. i must surrender to seeking
God first, and trusting that all else will fall into place. i must surrender to
the love that set me free from wandering in the desert, set me free to a life
that i could never achieve on my own.  i cannot imagine the faith it must
take to survive in Uganda and i ask each day for the faith to survive in
my own land.  

going going going

i feel like it's been quite the whirlwind since i returned to new orleans after thanksgiving break. seems i've just been going non-stop. i arrived back in town on a monday afternoon, worked three days that week, and then headed to central mississippi for a retreat with the other Gulf Coast Mission volunteers. this was a good time to get away and find some space away from our usual busy-ness, but anyone who knows me knows that i can't really relax in the middle of nowhere for too long. like i said to my roommate emily, spending time in audubon park is country enough for me. we returned this past sunday afternoon, just in time to watch the amazing race!

this week at work kept me busy too. we are working on identifying properties to pursue in the process of acquiring land to develop new affordable housing. i feel like i am in way over my head but i love it. the workdays are heavy on the administrative side, which the organization-freak in me loves, but i do wish we were out in the community more, making relationships with residents. at this point, though, there are just not that many people in the Upper Ninth Ward. Check out these websites, which show the things that we’re working on: www.cdc5812.org, www.unwca.org, www.curenola.org. on Wednesday night we attended a screening for a new documentary film called "Left Behind" about the public school situation in this city. the film was very interesting, as it pointed to the dismal public education system in New Orleans as one of the factors that contributed to a community at its breaking point, as displayed in the aftermath of Katrina. then, i spent the last few days of this week in bed with a cold L winter is real here in the south! there have been freezing warnings this week and it always shocks me when i step outside that it can get this cold in new orleans. not to mention that when you have volunteers do the electrical wiring for your office space, the central heat might not work. and by might i mean definitely. so add that to the adventures of the week.

looking at my calendar, this coming week is going to be crazy!! i have: a meeting monday night, a meeting tuesday afternoon, a meeting all day thursday. wednesday, i need to find a way to be in two places at once because we have a volunteer group coming and also John Perkins visiting. John Perkins is the founder of the Christian Community Development Association, a model on which Mission Year and Desire Street Ministries are based. Mr. Perkins will be spending the day with the CURE pastors on Wednesday and then speaking to a larger group on Wednesday evening. To top all this off, my mom is coming into town and i get to have dinner with her two nights next week! now, i understand that three meetings in one week might not seem like such a big deal, but most of the events and meetings that we go to for CURE or Desire Street are things that myself and my teammate Emily are planning and organizing. so that's why we're so busy!

i've been going through an advent calendar from my church and it has helped put me in the proper frame of mind for this season. it is a time of anticipation and hope and excitement, as we know what will be borne out of this preparation. as i read the words of zechariah, the father of john the baptist, i was reminded again just how revolutionary is this God of ours: "Praise be to the Lord, the God of Israel, because he has come and has redeemed his people. He has raised up a horn of salvation for us in the house of his servant David (as he said through his holy prophets of long ago), salvation from our enemies and from the hand of all who hate us--to show mercy to our fathers and to remember his holy covenant, the oath he swore to our father Abraham: to rescue us from the hand of our enemies, and to enable us to serve him without fear in holiness and righteousness before him all our days." (Luke 1.67-75)

May you find peace and joy in this season of anticipation!

Let us hold unswervingly to the faith we profess, for the One who promised is faithful.

(Hebrews 10.23)

This is a story about a man named Jeremiah. Jeremiah was not a very happy man since the call that God had put on his life put him in an unfavorable position with many people. He felt pretty socially awkward, you see, because he always had bad news to share with the people who lived around him. And it was bad news that God had told him to share. It made Jeremiah sad and mad and frustrated. He regretted the day God gave him life. However, God showed great compassion to Jeremiah. He allowed Jeremiah to complain and whine and cry and never once revoked His call from Jeremiah's life. God showed Jeremiah great faithfulness by reminding Jeremiah of His great promises for the people that He loved (including Jeremiah and his rebellious neighbors).

At one point, God told Jeremiah to share with the people the upcoming destruction of their land. This did not make Jeremiah happy, but he knew what his job was. God was deeply saddened and angered by the disobedience of the people, especially since He had tried to show them the way to real life and true joy but they had chosen other pursuits instead. Jeremiah was being sent to all sorts of nobles and royalty and important people to tell them God's plan for the city. No one really believed Jeremiah or heeded his advice.

In the midst of all this, God told Jeremiah to buy some land in the city. Jeremiah was a little iffy on this but he recognized God's voice when he heard it, and he didn't want to be among his disobedient neighbors, so he did what he was told. Just then, Jeremiah's cousin came to him, offering to sell him some land.

Jeremiah went through with the purchase and felt confident as he heard God reassure him. "Take these documents, both the sealed and unsealed copies of the deed of purchase, and put them in a clay jar so they will last a long time. Life is going to return to normal. Houses, fields and vineyards will again be bought in this land."

Now, just because Jeremiah was an obedient and faithful worker for God did not mean that he always understood why God did what He did. Jeremiah understood that displaying faith often meant acting even in uncertainty. But that didn't stop him from confronting God with this uncertainty.

"Dear God," Jeremiah prayed, "You created earth and sky by Your great power—by merely stretching out Your arm! There is nothing You can't do. You're loyal in Your steadfast love to thousands upon thousands—but You also make children live with the fallout from their parents' sins. Great and powerful God, highest above anything else that is worshipped, determined in purpose and faithful to see Your plans completed, You see everything that men and women do and respond appropriately to the way they live, to the things they do.

"'You performed signs and wonders in the country of Egypt and continue to do so right into the present, right here in Israel and everywhere else, too. You've made a reputation for yourself that doesn't diminish. You brought your people Israel out of Egypt with signs and wonders—a powerful deliverance!—by merely stretching out your arm. You gave them this land and solemnly promised to their ancestors a bountiful and fertile land. But when they entered the land and took it over, they didn't listen to you. They didn't do what you commanded. They wouldn't listen to a thing you told them. And so you brought this disaster on them.

"Oh, look at the siege ramps already set in place to take the city. Killing and starvation and disease are on our doorstep. The Babylonians are attacking! The Word you spoke is coming to pass! And yet you, God, the Master of the universe, even though it is certain that the city will be turned over to the Babylonians, also told me, Buy the field. Pay for it in cash. And make sure there are witnesses.'"

And God responded to Jeremiah, “Stay alert! I am God, the God of everything living. Is there anything I can't do? No doubt about it, I'm handing this city over to the Babylonians and Nebuchadnezzar king of Babylon. He'll take it. The attacking Chaldeans will break through and burn the city down: All those houses whose roofs were used as altars for offerings to Baal and the worship of who knows how many other gods provoked me. It isn't as if this were the first time they had provoked me. The people of Israel and Judah have been doing this for a long time—doing what I hate, making me angry by the way they live.

"This city has made me angry from the day they built it, and now I've had my fill. I'm destroying it. I can't stand to look any longer at the wicked lives of the people of Israel and Judah, deliberately making me angry, the whole lot of them—kings and leaders and priests and preachers, in the country and in the city. They've turned their backs on me—won't even look me in the face!—even though I took great pains to teach them how to live. They refused to listen, refused to be taught. Why, they even set up obscene god and goddess statues in the Temple built in my honor—an outrageous desecration! And then they went out and built shrines to the god Baal in the valley of Hinnom, where they burned their children in sacrifice to the god Molech—I can hardly conceive of such evil!—turning the whole country into one huge act of sin.

"But there is also this Message from me, the God of Israel, to this city that is being ravaged by Babylon. Watch for this! I will collect them from all the lands to which I will have driven them in my anger and rage and indignation. Yes, I'll bring them all back to this place and let them live here in peace. They will be my people, I will be their God. I'll make them of one mind and heart, always honoring me, so that they can live good and whole lives, they and their children after them. What's more, I'll make a covenant with them that will last forever, a covenant to stick with them no matter what, and work for their good. I'll fill their hearts with a deep respect for me so they'll not even think of turning away from me.

"Oh how I'll rejoice in them! Oh how I'll delight in doing good things for them! Heart and soul, I'll plant them in this country and keep them here! I will certainly bring this huge catastrophe on this people, but I will also usher in a wonderful life of prosperity. I promise. Fields are going to be bought here again, yes, in this very country that you assume is going to end up desolate—gone to the dogs, unlivable, wrecked by the Babylonians. Yes, people will buy farms again, and legally, with deeds of purchase, sealed documents, proper witnesses—and right here in the territory of Benjamin, and in the area around Jerusalem, around the villages of Judah and the hill country, the Shephelah and the Negev. I will restore everything that was lost.”

Jeremiah was feeling very encouraged by what he heard from God. God’s promises never fail and here He was promising to bring His people back to their land and back to their lives. Jeremiah didn’t see it on the horizon and he couldn’t figure out the how of God’s plan, but he chose to trust.

A little while later, God shared more with Jeremiah. “Call to me and I will answer you. I'll tell you marvelous and wondrous things that you could never figure out on your own. This is what God, the God of Israel, has to say about what's going on in this city, about the homes of both people and kings that have been demolished, about all the ravages of war and the killing by the Chaldeans, and about the streets littered with the dead bodies of those killed because of my raging anger—about all that's happened because the evil actions in this city have turned my stomach in disgust.

"But now take another look. I'm going to give this city a thorough renovation, working a true healing inside and out. I'm going to show them life whole, life brimming with blessings. I'll restore everything that was lost to Judah and Jerusalem. I'll build everything back as good as new. I'll scrub them clean from the dirt they've done against me. I'll forgive everything they've done wrong, forgive all their rebellions. And Jerusalem will be a center of joy and praise and glory for all the countries on earth. They'll get reports on all the good I'm doing for her. They'll be in awe of the blessings I am pouring on her.

"Yes, you're going to look at this place, these empty and desolate towns of Judah and streets of Jerusalem, and say, "A wasteland. Unlivable. Not even a dog could live here." But the time is coming when you're going to hear laughter and celebration, marriage festivities, people exclaiming, "Thank God. He's so good! His love never quits," as they bring thank offerings into God's Temple. I'll restore everything that was lost in this land. I'll make everything as good as new. This coming desolation, unfit for even a stray dog, is once again going to become a pasture for shepherds who care for their flocks. You'll see flocks everywhere—in the mountains around the towns of the Shephelah and Negev, all over the territory of Benjamin, around Jerusalem and the towns of Judah—flocks under the care of shepherds who keep track of each sheep.' God says so.

"Watch for this: The time is coming when I will keep the promise I made to the families of Israel and Judah. When that time comes, I will make a fresh and true shoot sprout from the David-Tree. He will run this country honestly and fairly. He will set things right. That's when Judah will be secure and Jerusalem will live in safety. The motto for the city will be, "God Has Set Things Right for Us." God has made it clear that there will always be a descendant of David ruling the people of Israel and that there will always be Levitical priests on hand to offer burnt offerings, present grain offerings, and carry on the sacrificial worship in my honor.

"If my covenant with day and my covenant with night ever fell apart so that day and night became haphazard and you never knew which was coming and when, then and only then would my covenant with my servant David fall apart and his descendants no longer rule. The same goes for the Levitical priests who serve me. Just as you can't number the stars in the sky nor measure the sand on the seashore, neither will you be able to account for the descendants of David my servant and the Levites who serve me.

"Have you heard the saying that's making the rounds: 'The two families God chose, Israel and Judah, he disowned'? And have you noticed that my people are treated with contempt, with rumors afoot that there's nothing to them anymore? Well, If my covenant with day and night wasn't in working order, if sky and earth weren't functioning the way I set them going, then, but only then, you might think I had disowned the descendants of Jacob and of my servant David, and that I wouldn't set up any of David's descendants over the descendants of Abraham, Isaac, and Jacob. But as it is, I will give them back everything they've lost. The last word is, I will have mercy on them."

Sometimes I feel like Jeremiah, looking out on a land that often seems desolate and destroyed. I see this place and I wonder what good can come out of it. But then I turn and look with faith. Look to the promises that God has made and I feel comforted and reassured. God is calling us to rebuild, to buy land and make this place new. God is moving and using His people to bring restoration to this place. He is a God of restoration and faithful promises.