it's really hitting me now. next sunday will be my last time to attend regular worship at Redeemer for as long as i can tell. its a strange feeling because i'm not leaving the city, yet i will be leaving the body, the community, that i have worshipped with for the past 2 years. i have never been a part of a church body for that long, ever.

if you had told me, before i came to new orleans, that i would end up in a church that looked like redeemer, i would have told you you were crazy. yet, God is crazier!!! God brought me into this body, this family of believers less than a year after its post-katrina re-start. what struck me and kept me was the people, since you know, they are after all what God uses to build his church here. it was the people--their welcoming spirit, their encouragement, their love for me. it helped that nearly everyone i met there was also a new transplant to the city. but the way God answered my prayers through this body has been amazing. i have grown deeper in my relationship with God and in my ability to love this city because of Redeemer Presbyterian Church--without a doubt. i never really knew what a presbyterian was before i got here; now i am proud to align myself with this group of people. were it not for my Redeemer family, i probably would not have stayed in New Orleans beyond my first-year commitment.

at the same time, i have been part of God's work planting a new church in the 8th ward. being part of St. Roch is so exciting to me and has also provided so many answers to my prayers. this is a body and a family like i have never known--the Lord is so good!!!

at first, it all worked out so nicely--Redeemer in the morning and St. Roch in the evening. but now, the inevitable has come. our sanctuary at st roch is nearly completed and we will be moving to morning services beginning on oct 25. less than 2 weeks away! while i will still participate in redeemer community group and hope for my friendships to continue to grow and flourish, for me it means the end of corporate worship with my Redeemer family. this saddens me very deeply. at times when i have left the city, i have felt a tangible separation from the community that the Lord has given me here. one of the most beautiful things i have witnessed in my 2+ years of living here was the service at Redeemer on the sunday following hurricane gustav. i cant explain it but being reunited with that group of people, and being reminded of God's sovereignty, grace, and beauty in all the unexplainables of our world moved me deeply.

none of this is to discredit my commitment or love for my st. roch church family--i know there is much excitement and anticipation for all that is to come, but for now i am very sad that i have just one sunday left with my redeemer family.

it's not just a game

how can i explain this to make you understand? if you are a part of the demographic who grew up with a strong loyalty to a particular team in a particular city that, some might say, exceeds normal fan-ness, then i dont have to explain. and if you were not so lucky then you do require an explanation. because it doesnt make sense, doesnt seem worth it, irrational perhaps. and on most days i would agree. this team owes me nothing, i have done nothing to contribute to their success on the field and honestly most days when the final out is recorded, i can leave it at that. but those are the days when there is a tomorrow . those are the days when that game didnt end all the hopes for that season.

and this season has been different. this has been the first season in a long time that i actually followed for most of the year. i really felt a part of the movement this year, even after having been a fan for 26 years. this is not just something i decided one day to go along with; this was a condition that i was born into. inheritance, genetics, whatever--there was no avoiding it.

and this season was different not just because of me but because it was really happening. they had their best season in a long time . they had the best record in the national league. everyday was a new hero. and now, its all over. this team was favored to WIN the world series. you dont just build up hope and expectation like that without having some sort of effect on people. when it doesnt happen, its a major let down.

no i've never met these athletes and no i probably never will. but they poured their heart and soul out onto the field every game for the last 160+ games. it's just so hard to wrap my mind around what we watched over the past few days. how did it all go so terribly wrong? caring about this is no longer in the realm of something i've chosen. i care, and i'm not sorry that i care. like when a good friend lets you down, i feel it. it makes me sad. it is baseball AND it is something serious. no i havent lost my appetite and no i havent given up on life. though i'm sure there are some who have and i understand that completely.

so if you dont understand, dont say anything. dont ask questions or attempt to lessen the significance to the affected party. this too, sigh, shall pass. wounds will heal and next year we'll try again. but this one really hurt and the memory of a cubs fan can be a dangerous thing.