stuck in my head

over the past month or so, i have not been able to get a certain song out of my mind...

Seek ye first the Kingdom of God and His righteousness
and all these things shall be added unto you,
allelu, aleluia.
Man shall not live by bread alone, but by every word
that proceeds from the mouth of God,
allelu, aleluia.
Ask, and it shall be given unto you, Seek, and ye shall find.
Knock, and the door shall be opened unto you,
allelu, aleluia.

it's a simple song and it's no small thing that it has been revolving in my
brain for some time.  it is an important reminder that i must keep
coming back to.

you see, i'm at that point where everyone (including myself) wants to
know "what’s next."  when i decided to come to new orleans, i was
warned by more than one person that i was really just delaying
the inevitable by doing another one-year program.  while i disagree
with this statement at some level, since even the short-term decisions
and plans that we make add up to a long-term compilation (that
john lennon quote comes to mind, “life is what happens when you
are busy making other plans”), i agree that it is somewhat easy to
pick one-year programs and not really consider the longer-term.  
and i must admit i haven't minded putting that off in the past.  i
think there's a lot of complex reasons why i've avoided really facing
the question of what i want to do in my life, some good and some
questionable.  and while i'm getting there, making progress in the
life-long process of thinking about what i would like to do in my life,
i have been reminded over and over again to seek God first.  so often,
i want to seek an answer or a magical finger pointing me in the right
direction.  but no, i'm told to wholly seek Him first.

Matthew wrote about a time that Jesus taught his disciples in the art of
not worrying. 

"Therefore I tell you, do not worry about your life, what
you will eat or drink; or about your body, what you will
wear. Is not life more important than food, and the body
more important than clothes? Look at the birds of the
air; they do not sow or reap or store away in barns,
and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you
not much more valuable than they? Who of you by
worrying can add a single hour to his life?
And why do you worry about clothes? See how the
lilies of the field grow. They do not labor or spin.
Yet I tell you that not even Solomon in all his
splendor was dressed like one of these. If that is
how God clothes the grass of the field, which is
here today and tomorrow is thrown into the fire,
will he not much more clothe you, O you of little
faith? So do not worry, saying, 'What shall we
eat?' or 'What shall we drink?' or 'What shall we
wear?' For the pagans run after all these things,
and your heavenly Father knows that you need
them. But seek first his kingdom and his
righteousness, and all these things will be
given to you as well. Therefore do not worry
about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry
about itself. Each day has enough trouble of
its own."  (Matthew 6.19-34)

i think it's actually pretty easy for me to trust God to provide food, clothes,
shelter on a day to day basis.  but the trickier part is trusting Him to
provide a way, trusting that if I solely seek Him and put the things
of His Kingdom forefront in my mind, that ALL ELSE will be taken
care of.  this is the part where practical emily says "ok ok, i get it, You
will provide my food and clothes. No problem.  but God, i think there
are some logistical details you're neglecting. like where will i work?
where will i live?"  ha! to suggest there is a detail that God is
neglecting, no matter the category, is like suggesting to the sun
that it has forgotten how to shine or suggesting to the earth that
it has forgotten how to spin.  it is contrary to the nature of the
very thing which i am addressing--in other words, impossible.  i
have to remind myself to remember that the “all these things”
which will be given to me do not just include food and shelter
but merely all that I need to live—a plan, a hope, a direction,
and enough faith by which to keep up the pursuit.   

cue stage-left, Faith.  faith is the assurance of things hoped for, things not
seen.  so, if i am to trust and believe and live with abandon in the assurance
of truth that by my pursuing God (and not a career path or "THE right
answer" or plan-of-my-own-creation) He will take care of all the rest, i
need to have some serious assurance of things not seen.  because it makes
no sense, it's completely upside down. the world says it's ok to trust, but
make sure you tie up any possible loose ends in case it comes back to get
you.  the world says pick a career or life-path and go at it like your life
depends on it...because it does. and God says simply and calmly to my
spirit: Follow Me.  there's no room for argument there.

talk about an upside down view/Jeremiah...in Acholi-land?

i have been reading through the book of Jeremiah again and have been
struck by several things. the first is in the message that God calls
jeremiah to deliver to the people being taken captive by the Babylonians.
he tells them they have two choices: fight back & die or surrender &
live.  The Israelites were warned of this captivity and yet refused to
repent in response to God's mercy.  it seemed to them that they had to
fight to protect their land, their families, their lives.  however, God told
them that if they fought they would die.  if they accepted what seemed
to be the illogical—to surrender to a sworn enemy—they would actually
live and prosper in the end.  How nonsensical  is that?  our culture tells
us to fight for our lives, fight for our rights.  we know we have to protect
ourselves because it seems we cannot trust anyone else to protect us.  
but God says give up and trust Me.  He tells His people that the fight
will cost them their lives but their surrender will open a door to future
blessings.  they will not die in captivity, if they remain surrendered to
God, and will be released to greater blessing into God's promises.  

an oft-quoted passage of scripture is jeremiah 29.11:  "For I know the plans
I have for you,” declares the LORD, "plans to prosper you and not to harm
you, plans to give you hope and a future." reassuring, certainly, and a look
at the context of this verse sheds some interesting light.

This line is found in a letter from God to His people in exile.  Jeremiah
writes: This is what the LORD Almighty, the God of Israel,
says to all those I carried into exile from Jerusalem to 
Babylon: "Build houses and settle down; plant gardens
and eat what they produce. Marry and have sons and
daughters; find wives for your sons and give your
daughters in marriage, so that they too may have
sons and daughters. Increase in number there;
do not decrease.  Also, seek the peace and
prosperity of the city to which I have carried
you into exile. Pray to the LORD for it,
because if it prospers, you too will prosper”…
This is what the LORD says: "When seventy
years are completed for Babylon, I will come
to you and fulfill my gracious promise to
bring you back to this place. For I know the
plans I have for you," declares the LORD,
"plans to prosper you and not to harm you,
plans to give you hope and a future.  Then
you will call upon me and come and pray
to me, and I will listen to you.  You will
seek me and find me when you seek me
with all your heart. I will be found by you,"
declares the LORD, "and will bring you
back from captivity. I will gather you
from all the nations and places where I
have banished you," declares the LORD,
"and will bring you back to the place from
which I carried you into exile." 
(Jeremiah 29.4-14)

encouraging message yes, though it comes only after being told the exile
will last 70 years.  indeed i intend to live a life pursuing the welfare of
the place where i live because i have seen how my welfare is wrapped up
in that.  but how appealing is it to pursue the good of the land to which
you've been unwillingly sent?  how distracted am i on what seems like
punishment to hear that God is clearly intending to use it for my good
and His glory? His words of promise are true, but how much more
value do they have when we see that this promise was coming to people
who "should have" already lost all hope.  This promise was coming
in an unknown land, after being taken captive.  

last night, i slept on the Tulane quad to take part in a simulation of a tiny
taste of what life is like for the Acholi people in northern Uganda.  the
Acholi, similar to the Israelites, have been forced to leave their homes,
land, and livelihoods in the midst of a 21-year civil war that is tearing
their country apart. lately i have wondered, as i have before, how i can
reconcile my knowledge and faith of a loving, just, and righteous God
with all the injustice in the world.  i understand why bad things happen,
but I struggle with why bad things are allowed to continue for so long...
and how God's word can be comforting to people who are starving to
death because of a national situation that they did nothing to initiate or
perpetuate.  i have been reminded that in these times, it is God's
compassion that speaks most clearly and loudly.  while i believe in
a sovereign God, i do not think that means that God watches the world's
evil with pleasure.  to the contrary, i believe that God holds the hands
of the dying mothers, carries the starving babies in His arms and
mourns, weeps tenderly, with them.  i don’t think that any of this
pain or suffering is lost on God, but i just wish He would put it
all to an end!

jeremiah has given me hope, yet again, for the Acholi people and others
who suffer in lands across the world.  God has spoken and His promises
are true--He speaks of a hope that is unseen.  He tells us of a day when
wars will cease and there will be no more tears.  and i think a lot of the
time that He spends talking about justice and righteousness for the
oppressed and abused is a call for those of us who aren’t living in
oppressive situations to break those burdens for our brothers and
sisters who are. i wonder at God how He can write that He delights
in love, justice, and righteousness in the earth when all this suffering
happens but i think that's the point.  He doesn’t delight in the
suffering, but does delight when people respond in love.  

as i read through another section of what God said to His people in
captivity, i caught another glimpse of hope for the Acholi people in
northern Uganda.  He has promised: 
The people who survived the sword found grace in the
wilderness…I have loved you with an everlasting
love; therefore I have continued my faithfulness to
you...again you shall take your tambourines, and
go forth in the dance of the merrymakers.  Again you
shall plant vineyards on the mountains of
Samaria...see I am going to bring them from the
land of the north, and gather them from the
farthest parts of the earth, among them the
blind and the lame, those with child and those
in labor, together; a great company, they shall
return here...I will turn their mourning into joy,
I will comfort them, and give them gladness for
sorrow…Keep your voice from weeping, and your
eyes from tears; for there is a reward for your
work, says the Lord: they shall come back from
the land of the enemy; there is hope for your
future... (Jeremiah 31)

i cannot imagine the faith it must take just to survive each day in
Acholi-land, but even more difficult would be surviving without
any faith, any hope of a rescue.  

and God promises the same to me.  His word is to me as it was to the
Israelites and as it is to the Acholi--fight & die or surrender & live.
i must choose to believe, i must ask the Holy Spirit to move me to believe.
i cannot make myself have faith, but i must ask to be open enough to
receive it.  i must surrender to the hope that God is calling me to,
sacrificing the smaller idols that i am tempted to fill my life with. i must
surrender to the truth that God will meet all my needs, even those
logistical ones that i am so tempted to doubt. i must surrender to seeking
God first, and trusting that all else will fall into place. i must surrender to
the love that set me free from wandering in the desert, set me free to a life
that i could never achieve on my own.  i cannot imagine the faith it must
take to survive in Uganda and i ask each day for the faith to survive in
my own land.