emily 101: i like to be right. i like to make "safe" decisions. i like to be in control and follow procedures to a predictable outcome. i like to be responsible. i like surprises, unless i know they are coming...and then i want to know when and where and how and who so as to mitigate the shock as much as possible. (and then the joy of the surprise has been sucked out.) i like to have the answers. i like to know what i'm doing, and definitely maintain that appearance.
and this big adventure i'm about to go on throws a lot of that stuff out the window. i have been reminded by several people that this whole thing is a big risk! so many variables over which i have no control. what will i be doing? why did i leave my job? how will i be able to raise the money? what if it's not what i'm supposed to do? what if something bad happens to me? yes, all these are good questions and i don't have answers! i have NEVER been a risk-taker, but part of having faith is taking risks. it requires stepping out into what is unseen, and that step can be sure because we have a firm foundation in Christ.
"Now faith is the assurance of things hoped for, the conviction of things not seen. For by it the people of old received their commendation. By faith we understand that the universe was created by the word of God, so that what is seen was not made out of things that are visible... Therefore, since we are surrounded by so great a cloud of witnesses, let us also lay aside every weight, and sin which clings so closely, and let us run with endurance the race that is set before us, looking to Jesus, the founder and perfecter of our faith, who for the joy that was set before him endured the cross, despising the shame, and is seated at the right hand of the throne of God." (Hebrews 11 & 12)
following God's lead requires me to set aside all those things that i have so often thought were true of myself. God has made me new, and continues transforming my life...so that even i can look at a situation like this and step forward. maybe it will fail, maybe it will set me on a whole different path than what i can imagine. but this doesn't even feel like a risk to me because i know who i'm following. i have felt so many emotions in the past several months and at times i have even wondered to myself, "am i doing the right thing?" and amidst all of my wonderings, i do not feel regret. i believe that as i seek the Lord with all my heart, He is faithful and loving to lead me in the way that He would have me to go. parents want the best for their children; the children need to trust that even when many questions remain unanswered. and the Father who is in control and is at work redeeming all of creation has invited us to come along. so our best bet is to hang on for the ride!!
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