on taking risks...

emily 101: i like to be right. i like to make "safe" decisions. i like to be in control and follow procedures to a predictable outcome. i like to be responsible. i like surprises, unless i know they are coming...and then i want to know when and where and how and who so as to mitigate the shock as much as possible. (and then the joy of the surprise has been sucked out.) i like to have the answers. i like to know what i'm doing, and definitely maintain that appearance.

and this big adventure i'm about to go on throws a lot of that stuff out the window. i have been reminded by several people that this whole thing is a big risk! so many variables over which i have no control. what will i be doing? why did i leave my job? how will i be able to raise the money? what if it's not what i'm supposed to do? what if something bad happens to me? yes, all these are good questions and i don't have answers! i have NEVER been a risk-taker, but part of having faith is taking risks. it requires stepping out into what is unseen, and that step can be sure because we have a firm foundation in Christ.

"Now faith is the assurance of things hoped for, the conviction of things not seen. For by it the people of old received their commendation. By faith we understand that the universe was created by the word of God, so that what is seen was not made out of things that are visible... Therefore, since we are surrounded by so great a cloud of witnesses, let us also lay aside every weight, and sin which clings so closely, and let us run with endurance the race that is set before us, looking to Jesus, the founder and perfecter of our faith, who for the joy that was set before him endured the cross, despising the shame, and is seated at the right hand of the throne of God." (Hebrews 11 & 12)

following God's lead requires me to set aside all those things that i have so often thought were true of myself. God has made me new, and continues transforming my life...so that even i can look at a situation like this and step forward. maybe it will fail, maybe it will set me on a whole different path than what i can imagine. but this doesn't even feel like a risk to me because i know who i'm following. i have felt so many emotions in the past several months and at times i have even wondered to myself, "am i doing the right thing?" and amidst all of my wonderings, i do not feel regret. i believe that as i seek the Lord with all my heart, He is faithful and loving to lead me in the way that He would have me to go. parents want the best for their children; the children need to trust that even when many questions remain unanswered. and the Father who is in control and is at work redeeming all of creation has invited us to come along. so our best bet is to hang on for the ride!!

T -13 days!

SO i'm leaving for south africa in 13 days!! i cannot believe how quickly the time has flown (didnt i say that in my last post?? you think i'd get used to that by now, huh?) i'm really excited for the trip, but i feel like there's still so much to do to prepare. i know i've gotten many questions about this upcoming endeavor, so i'll attempt to answer some here...

you're going to south africa?!?! why?
short answer: i feel like God is leading me to and through this opportunity and i'm excited to see what will happen!
longer answer: for as long as i can remember, i've had a love and passion for africa. i studied abroad in south africa and since then have always wanted to return to the continent. when my job with the church came to an end, i was given the opportunity to explore any and all possibilities. i came back to innerchange, a ministry that i had explored more than a year ago. they have a team in soshanguve, south africa and i'm excited for the opportunity to join with what God is already up to down there!

how long will you be there?
short answer: this trip is just a short, two-week visit. hopefully in the spring i'll be ready to move on down there for a more long-term commitment.
longer answer: this visit will be kind of an exploratory trip. i'll get to meet the team, get a taste of the community, and meet up with some ministry partners who have already been doing God's work in the township. also while visiting, i'm hoping to get a sense for how long my longer commitment will be. at this point, i think it will be at least a year, and it could be several years beyond that. we'll see!

but what will you actually be doing??
short answer: excellent question. as i like to say, sometimes there are more questions than there are answers =)
longer answer: i'm not quite sure of what my specific role will be. this time of visiting the team will give me a good chance to just be present and see where God is leading me to fit in with what is already going on. it is a challenge to my instinctive desire to always wanna do-do-do to have this time to just be and see how God may be leading me to fit in with the work He's already got going on. i'm also encouraged by the fact that the team leaders hvae read my application and we've had several conversations and given their knowledge of the community and its needs, they see a fit for me there. this adventure has been confirmed and affirmed from a lot of different directions, so I'm grateful for the faith-building exercise!

what next?
short answer: six weeks of travels and then back to new orleans.
longer answer: i'll be in south africa for approximately two weeks. then i head to california for innerchange trainings--first in the bay area, and then in so-cal. then i'll head to chicago at the end of january for my friend's wedding (!) and THEN back to new orleans just in time for mardi gras! at that point, i'll need to put my focus on raising support in order to join the team in soshanguve full-time. the cost is about $1200 per month, which covers the various living expenses, including health insurance and funds for continued training. once i have most of that raised or pledged i will make plans to return to south africa for the long haul!

like i said in a previous blog post, i really like details, and knowing what is gonna happen, step-by-step. well, this adventure is just not like that but i know that God is leading this adventure, so i don't have to worry.