ch-ch-ch-ch-changes! (read this one third)

did i get the old david bowie song stuck in your head? i hope so =)

so...i slightly hinted at some new life direction. here's the short of it: i'm no longer an employee of St. Roch Community Church! believe me, you'll want the details, so read on.

well, i have been here in new orleans for a little over 3 years. since coming here, i have served a largely administrative role in various work settings. if you can remember back a few years, when i posted about my decision to stay in here after the initial year-long internship, i mentioned that i wouldn't be spending all my time behind a desk. i came on staff with st roch community church in august of 2007 and since then have filled various roles. technically my position was "church administrator" but that meant any number of things on any given day: site coordinator for free tax service, secretary, errand-runner, after-school program tutor and leader, volunteer recruiter and trainer, summer camp support staff, budget adviser, board member, development team member, potluck coordinator, wedding coordinator, direct service provider, etc. there were a lot of pieces of this job that i really liked, and i loved being able to work with a close-knit group of people who have become my new orleans family. at the same time, i often wondered to myself (and sometimes out loud) how long i would stay as an administrator. looking over my journal, i see my thoughts were often on the fact that i never felt like i was made to be an administrator. i have done much soul-searching, and invited God in on that process as well, and i am confident in saying that it was not merely about the title--it's not just that i'm uncomfortable being called an "assistant" or "secretary." indeed, if i was doing the work that i felt really fit me, you could call me a monkey's uncle, it wouldn't really matter. the church is at such a young point, and as often is the case in the life of young ministries, the small staff is stretched and tasked with doing things that each individual might not really want to do. again, i really enjoyed being a part of the birth of this church that the Lord is already blessing and using to bless others, but i wondered if the Lord wasn't perhaps calling me to something beyond this administrative role...

right after the car accident (which i alluded to in the previous post) in mid-june, i was in serious life-examination mode. my friend julie and i were on our way to DC to lobby for an end to the war in Central Africa. i lost control of the car, outside of mobile, alabama and all our plans changed. (the car was totaled but praise God neither me nor julie were seriously injured!!) in the aftermath of the accident, and sensing that perhaps this experience had more implications than just a change in immediate plans, i had so many questions. what was God trying to tell me? now missing out on the anticipated networking opportunities with other like-minded activities in DC, what would come of all my hopes and excitement to be involved in this movement? would i ever get to africa? would i be in new orleans forever? what was i really made to do? i wanted immediate answers, but luckily it doesn't always work like that.

JB, pastor of st roch community church/all-around great guy, and i talked about these feelings and questions and both committed to praying about my role at the church and how the Lord was moving in my life. neither of us knew where this would lead--but then again, that's why we needed to pray about it!

about a month and a half later, and still no clearer on a general life direction, jb and i had another conversation. at that point he told me that what the church really needed was, basically, an administrative assistant. now, i really wanted to submit to God's will and actually DO what He was calling me to do....but i couldn't believe that this position that i had tried to buck against for several years was coming back to me. i just didn't know what to think! i didnt want to be like jonah, continually fleeing from God's call. but at the same time, i just didn't have the peace that one would think should come with a clear calling (and i had been doing the job for the previous 3 years and felt ready for something new).

after much prayer and conversation and reflection and tears, i came to the conclusion that i would no longer be able to fill this need at the church. i shared this with jb, and even then there was a possibility that i might stay on staff with the church, in a slightly-varied role. in the end, we realized that this was an opportunity to pursue God's calling for my life, apart from working at st. roch. these conversations with jb were challenging, encouraging, reassuring, and, importantly, really pushed me to wrestle through some things. this new opportunity was not just a time to stop working for st roch, but also a time to more actively pursue opportunities where God might be leading me.

now some might question this philosophy of God's "calling" and say, "as long as you love God and love your neighbor, it doesn't matter where you are," or "God cares more about WHO you are than about WHAT you do." and to those comments i would say "yes!" but i do think it's a both/and type of thing. at the end of the day, what matters most is our hearts before God and how that is displayed in the love we show for our neighbors. at the same time, i do believe that God has made us each with a unique purpose and while ultimately the ONE purpose of all who believe in Christ is to glorify and make Him known, God has entrusted to each of us a specific mission. just as in Jesus' day, various disciples and apostles were called to certain lands and works, even today God puts people in the places where He has equipped them to serve. on the other hand, if i get hung up on cracking the mystery of God's calling that i lose sight of what he's already doing through me in this place, then i've lost sight of the bigger picture. if i can't love God and love my neighbor right where i'm at, how can i expect to do that somewhere else? and pursuing God and His plan for our lives is a simultaneous experiment with the inner transformation that his spirit accomplishes within us.

all the while of being in New Orleans, i have wondered how long i would be here, mostly because if i were the long-term-planning type, i never would have long-term-planned to move here! i have wondered how long i would be a church administrator. i have wondered what God was up to, but never doubted that he called me here for a reason. during this time of uncertainty over my role at the church, i was particularly encouraged by these verses: "Therefore, my beloved brothers, be steadfast, immovable, always abounding in the work of the Lord, knowing that in the Lord your labor is not in vain." (1 Corinithians 15:58) "The Lord will fulfill his purpose for me; your steadfast love, O Lord, endures forever." (Psalm 138:8) i realize that even while i wasn't sure what God's bigger purpose was in having me here, and working for the church in a role that i didn't always like, i knew that the work was not in vain. i knew that God was working all things together, in spite of my short-sightedness. and it gave me great encouragement to know that not only does God have a purpose for me, but that He will in fact do the work of fulfilling it!

so, my departure from church employment was covered in love and encouragement and an excitement about what opportunities might lay ahead for me. i am still very much a member and part of the st. roch community church family. as for future plans....you'll just have to stay tuned and keep reading!