on taking risks...

emily 101: i like to be right. i like to make "safe" decisions. i like to be in control and follow procedures to a predictable outcome. i like to be responsible. i like surprises, unless i know they are coming...and then i want to know when and where and how and who so as to mitigate the shock as much as possible. (and then the joy of the surprise has been sucked out.) i like to have the answers. i like to know what i'm doing, and definitely maintain that appearance.

and this big adventure i'm about to go on throws a lot of that stuff out the window. i have been reminded by several people that this whole thing is a big risk! so many variables over which i have no control. what will i be doing? why did i leave my job? how will i be able to raise the money? what if it's not what i'm supposed to do? what if something bad happens to me? yes, all these are good questions and i don't have answers! i have NEVER been a risk-taker, but part of having faith is taking risks. it requires stepping out into what is unseen, and that step can be sure because we have a firm foundation in Christ.

"Now faith is the assurance of things hoped for, the conviction of things not seen. For by it the people of old received their commendation. By faith we understand that the universe was created by the word of God, so that what is seen was not made out of things that are visible... Therefore, since we are surrounded by so great a cloud of witnesses, let us also lay aside every weight, and sin which clings so closely, and let us run with endurance the race that is set before us, looking to Jesus, the founder and perfecter of our faith, who for the joy that was set before him endured the cross, despising the shame, and is seated at the right hand of the throne of God." (Hebrews 11 & 12)

following God's lead requires me to set aside all those things that i have so often thought were true of myself. God has made me new, and continues transforming my life...so that even i can look at a situation like this and step forward. maybe it will fail, maybe it will set me on a whole different path than what i can imagine. but this doesn't even feel like a risk to me because i know who i'm following. i have felt so many emotions in the past several months and at times i have even wondered to myself, "am i doing the right thing?" and amidst all of my wonderings, i do not feel regret. i believe that as i seek the Lord with all my heart, He is faithful and loving to lead me in the way that He would have me to go. parents want the best for their children; the children need to trust that even when many questions remain unanswered. and the Father who is in control and is at work redeeming all of creation has invited us to come along. so our best bet is to hang on for the ride!!

T -13 days!

SO i'm leaving for south africa in 13 days!! i cannot believe how quickly the time has flown (didnt i say that in my last post?? you think i'd get used to that by now, huh?) i'm really excited for the trip, but i feel like there's still so much to do to prepare. i know i've gotten many questions about this upcoming endeavor, so i'll attempt to answer some here...

you're going to south africa?!?! why?
short answer: i feel like God is leading me to and through this opportunity and i'm excited to see what will happen!
longer answer: for as long as i can remember, i've had a love and passion for africa. i studied abroad in south africa and since then have always wanted to return to the continent. when my job with the church came to an end, i was given the opportunity to explore any and all possibilities. i came back to innerchange, a ministry that i had explored more than a year ago. they have a team in soshanguve, south africa and i'm excited for the opportunity to join with what God is already up to down there!

how long will you be there?
short answer: this trip is just a short, two-week visit. hopefully in the spring i'll be ready to move on down there for a more long-term commitment.
longer answer: this visit will be kind of an exploratory trip. i'll get to meet the team, get a taste of the community, and meet up with some ministry partners who have already been doing God's work in the township. also while visiting, i'm hoping to get a sense for how long my longer commitment will be. at this point, i think it will be at least a year, and it could be several years beyond that. we'll see!

but what will you actually be doing??
short answer: excellent question. as i like to say, sometimes there are more questions than there are answers =)
longer answer: i'm not quite sure of what my specific role will be. this time of visiting the team will give me a good chance to just be present and see where God is leading me to fit in with what is already going on. it is a challenge to my instinctive desire to always wanna do-do-do to have this time to just be and see how God may be leading me to fit in with the work He's already got going on. i'm also encouraged by the fact that the team leaders hvae read my application and we've had several conversations and given their knowledge of the community and its needs, they see a fit for me there. this adventure has been confirmed and affirmed from a lot of different directions, so I'm grateful for the faith-building exercise!

what next?
short answer: six weeks of travels and then back to new orleans.
longer answer: i'll be in south africa for approximately two weeks. then i head to california for innerchange trainings--first in the bay area, and then in so-cal. then i'll head to chicago at the end of january for my friend's wedding (!) and THEN back to new orleans just in time for mardi gras! at that point, i'll need to put my focus on raising support in order to join the team in soshanguve full-time. the cost is about $1200 per month, which covers the various living expenses, including health insurance and funds for continued training. once i have most of that raised or pledged i will make plans to return to south africa for the long haul!

like i said in a previous blog post, i really like details, and knowing what is gonna happen, step-by-step. well, this adventure is just not like that but i know that God is leading this adventure, so i don't have to worry.

what's next! part 2 (read this fifth, then you can read them in whatever order you want.)

so now that you know my longer-term plans, we still have to cover the short-term! ever since leaving my job at the church, i knew the ideal situation would be to find something that i really felt God was calling me to, fit my passions and interests, and could also pay the bills. at this point, after 2 full months of searching without much fruit, i'm at the point of settling for objective three: pay the bills! luckily, just when i felt like giving up, the Lord reminded me that he has been working things out all along.

some pieces are beginnig to come together, like babysitting gigs, temp agencies, and some tutoring. the interim job that i am most excited about, though, is being a sales rep for Acholi Beads. i have known about acholi beads for a while, and last year i met up with the founder, james, who has become a friend through relational tithe. for me, acholi beads combines several of my passions--proactive involvement in the conflict affecting hundreds of thousands of people in Uganda and central Africa; empowerment and life development training for survivors of injustice and oppression; and, of course, cute accessories.

acholi beads is a wholesale company that sells beautiful beaded jewelry handmade by refugee women in uganda. these women of the acholi tribe, victims of the 23-year conflict with the LRA, have been forced to flee their homes in northern uganda and re-settle in slum quarters in the ugandan capital of kampala. the opportunities for these women are very limited, and their "livelihood" is based on work in a local rock quarry--smashing rocks into gravel by hand. if they were lucky, they'd make $1/day. so not only were they spending their days pounding rocks, but their kids (and adopted orphans from their community) had no safe place to play. at the same time, these women have an amazing native craft of turning paper into beutiful beaded jewelry. so Acholi Beads has come alongside these women to give them a market in america. now the women have hope for their lives and have investment in a brighter future for themselves and their families.

it's not a charity--it's a Socially Proactive Business because it is a business whose success is directly linked to the alleviation of a social ill. our beadmakers make money by selling their wares to Acholi Beads. Acholi Beads makes money by selling the beads to stores. The stores make money by selling the beads to their customers. and all throughout, more and more people learn the story of the acholi women and spread the word about their amazing courage and strength.

think about how cool it is--customers get some amazing, beautiful, unique, handmade jewelry and women halfway across the world become more empowered to change their own lives! and think about what a cool gift that would be for the holidays--not only could you give some beautiful jewelry, but you'd give the additional gift of knowing that your purchase directly benefits a bead-maker in uganda. check out the beads online, tell your friends, and then order from me! (ordering directly from me will save you $1 per piece) there are also some pieces that aren't listed on the website, as well as a holiday gift set that has a matching necklace, bracelet and pair of earrings.

wear their beads and share their story!!

what's next! part 1 (read this one fourth)

so, if you have been following along like some diligent readers that i know, ahem, then you are on the edge of your seat awaiting installment number four where i tell you all of my big life plans. well, i am not one for long-term or big life planning (which i learned from dave ramsey recently is a sign of immaturity. good to know.) but the time has come to take some steps forward.

the short story is: my plan is to move to south africa, to join the ministry of InnerChange in the Soshanguve township outside of Pretoria!!

the long story: if you know me, then you know that ever since i studied abroad in capetown, south africa, i have wanted to get back there. i have devoted time and energy to various social issues happening in africa and remain very passionate about the continent and its people. over the past 6 years, since i returned from study abroad, a few different opportunities have come up that could have brought me back. and each time, something didn't quite connect, and i was reminded that we have to submit even our most noble, service-minded desires to God's bigger plan (because He's always got something better in mind!)

then, when i got in the car accident that derailed the trip that i THOUGHT would open up doors of opportunity for me to get closer to going to africa, i really wondered what God was up to. would i ever get to africa, i wondered? if so, when?? that experience really taught me that instead of pursuing my own expectations and desires, the always more-satisfying route would be to trust the One who makes the plans for me.

as things at the church started to change, and i was charged not just looking for a job, but with really, actively pursuing God's call for me, i was reminded of InnerCHANGE. I first came into contact with InnerChange last summer, when i met lyndy. one of my mission year teammates was friends with lyndy in san francisco, and told me to meet up with her when she came to new orleans for the summer. one day, lyndy just happened to show up at st. roch and an instant friendship was formed! lyndy was down here with another guy to do some scouting work for innerchange, to explore the possibility of someday having a team in new orleans. we connected easily right away, especially over our common desire to see God's kingdom come among the poor. she kept telling me to check out the innerchange website and i kept avoiding it, mostly because i had a feeling that i would really like it--and i didn't know what i'd do with that knowledge!

well, i finally did and i was right (well, actually lyndy was right).... learning what innerchange was all about was like reading the secret desires of my heart, made public and carried out by other people around the world! i couldnt believe it! a christian order among the poor.....sharing the gospel in word and deed.....relationships are foundational....a joyful spirit at pursuing life among the poor....living in intentional community...commitments to humility, simplicity, purity, service, prayer... (sounds a lot like mission year, but with the intentionality of nurturing people to make a lifestyle of ministry among the poor, not just a year-long experience) i was immediately faced with the deep sense that, having read this and gained the knowledge that a ministry like this existed, my life would never be the same. i didn't know what that meant or when it would take effect, but i knew God was at work. at the same time, and for all my wondering about how i ended up in New Orleans, i had a feeling that God was not calling me to leave the city just yet.

a year later, and beginning to see how God was moving things around and creating new opportunities for me, i refreshed myself with InnerChange. at the time i had originally explored it, there was talk about the potential of bringing a team to new orleans, but that wouldn't happen for a while. this time i noticed there was a team in south africa. i contacted innerchange and began the process of exploring the possibility of my joining. whereas in so many other situations it seemed there were doors that continued to close, with innerchange it has really felt like i am being led through this process and that i am not just taking these steps on my own. Every step of the way has held encouragement and affirmation.

as for the actual team in south africa, it is led by a married couple named luc & petunia. i have had several conversations with luc and am very excited about getting to see what this team is up to. there is a great need for medical care in the township, as there are only 4 clinics to serve over 1 million people. petunia is a nurse, and this is her primary route of service. the team has other things going on and has partnered with other local churches and ministries, but one of the things that is exciting is being given the chance to "pioneer" something new. so many people want to know what i'm going to DO while i'm there. and that is a good question! i've been encouraged, though, to push back with the challenge of going there and allowing myself to see how God might use me to serve. I want to balance the desire to DO with the need to sometimes just BE amongst people and really spend time to discern the best fit between need and skills. i am confident that God is at work not only in me, but in the hearts of the team, confirming these steps and reaffirming this desire for me to move in this direction.

as for logistics, the plan is to visit the team in the next few months and then start with the InnerChange orientation in january. beyond that, i will be raising support and continuing to prepare for the move to south africa. i like details, but i can tell the Lord is at work, so i am not stressed or anxious!

I am so excited and thankful for this opportunity and look forward to sharing more with you as the adventure continues!

ch-ch-ch-ch-changes! (read this one third)

did i get the old david bowie song stuck in your head? i hope so =)

so...i slightly hinted at some new life direction. here's the short of it: i'm no longer an employee of St. Roch Community Church! believe me, you'll want the details, so read on.

well, i have been here in new orleans for a little over 3 years. since coming here, i have served a largely administrative role in various work settings. if you can remember back a few years, when i posted about my decision to stay in here after the initial year-long internship, i mentioned that i wouldn't be spending all my time behind a desk. i came on staff with st roch community church in august of 2007 and since then have filled various roles. technically my position was "church administrator" but that meant any number of things on any given day: site coordinator for free tax service, secretary, errand-runner, after-school program tutor and leader, volunteer recruiter and trainer, summer camp support staff, budget adviser, board member, development team member, potluck coordinator, wedding coordinator, direct service provider, etc. there were a lot of pieces of this job that i really liked, and i loved being able to work with a close-knit group of people who have become my new orleans family. at the same time, i often wondered to myself (and sometimes out loud) how long i would stay as an administrator. looking over my journal, i see my thoughts were often on the fact that i never felt like i was made to be an administrator. i have done much soul-searching, and invited God in on that process as well, and i am confident in saying that it was not merely about the title--it's not just that i'm uncomfortable being called an "assistant" or "secretary." indeed, if i was doing the work that i felt really fit me, you could call me a monkey's uncle, it wouldn't really matter. the church is at such a young point, and as often is the case in the life of young ministries, the small staff is stretched and tasked with doing things that each individual might not really want to do. again, i really enjoyed being a part of the birth of this church that the Lord is already blessing and using to bless others, but i wondered if the Lord wasn't perhaps calling me to something beyond this administrative role...

right after the car accident (which i alluded to in the previous post) in mid-june, i was in serious life-examination mode. my friend julie and i were on our way to DC to lobby for an end to the war in Central Africa. i lost control of the car, outside of mobile, alabama and all our plans changed. (the car was totaled but praise God neither me nor julie were seriously injured!!) in the aftermath of the accident, and sensing that perhaps this experience had more implications than just a change in immediate plans, i had so many questions. what was God trying to tell me? now missing out on the anticipated networking opportunities with other like-minded activities in DC, what would come of all my hopes and excitement to be involved in this movement? would i ever get to africa? would i be in new orleans forever? what was i really made to do? i wanted immediate answers, but luckily it doesn't always work like that.

JB, pastor of st roch community church/all-around great guy, and i talked about these feelings and questions and both committed to praying about my role at the church and how the Lord was moving in my life. neither of us knew where this would lead--but then again, that's why we needed to pray about it!

about a month and a half later, and still no clearer on a general life direction, jb and i had another conversation. at that point he told me that what the church really needed was, basically, an administrative assistant. now, i really wanted to submit to God's will and actually DO what He was calling me to do....but i couldn't believe that this position that i had tried to buck against for several years was coming back to me. i just didn't know what to think! i didnt want to be like jonah, continually fleeing from God's call. but at the same time, i just didn't have the peace that one would think should come with a clear calling (and i had been doing the job for the previous 3 years and felt ready for something new).

after much prayer and conversation and reflection and tears, i came to the conclusion that i would no longer be able to fill this need at the church. i shared this with jb, and even then there was a possibility that i might stay on staff with the church, in a slightly-varied role. in the end, we realized that this was an opportunity to pursue God's calling for my life, apart from working at st. roch. these conversations with jb were challenging, encouraging, reassuring, and, importantly, really pushed me to wrestle through some things. this new opportunity was not just a time to stop working for st roch, but also a time to more actively pursue opportunities where God might be leading me.

now some might question this philosophy of God's "calling" and say, "as long as you love God and love your neighbor, it doesn't matter where you are," or "God cares more about WHO you are than about WHAT you do." and to those comments i would say "yes!" but i do think it's a both/and type of thing. at the end of the day, what matters most is our hearts before God and how that is displayed in the love we show for our neighbors. at the same time, i do believe that God has made us each with a unique purpose and while ultimately the ONE purpose of all who believe in Christ is to glorify and make Him known, God has entrusted to each of us a specific mission. just as in Jesus' day, various disciples and apostles were called to certain lands and works, even today God puts people in the places where He has equipped them to serve. on the other hand, if i get hung up on cracking the mystery of God's calling that i lose sight of what he's already doing through me in this place, then i've lost sight of the bigger picture. if i can't love God and love my neighbor right where i'm at, how can i expect to do that somewhere else? and pursuing God and His plan for our lives is a simultaneous experiment with the inner transformation that his spirit accomplishes within us.

all the while of being in New Orleans, i have wondered how long i would be here, mostly because if i were the long-term-planning type, i never would have long-term-planned to move here! i have wondered how long i would be a church administrator. i have wondered what God was up to, but never doubted that he called me here for a reason. during this time of uncertainty over my role at the church, i was particularly encouraged by these verses: "Therefore, my beloved brothers, be steadfast, immovable, always abounding in the work of the Lord, knowing that in the Lord your labor is not in vain." (1 Corinithians 15:58) "The Lord will fulfill his purpose for me; your steadfast love, O Lord, endures forever." (Psalm 138:8) i realize that even while i wasn't sure what God's bigger purpose was in having me here, and working for the church in a role that i didn't always like, i knew that the work was not in vain. i knew that God was working all things together, in spite of my short-sightedness. and it gave me great encouragement to know that not only does God have a purpose for me, but that He will in fact do the work of fulfilling it!

so, my departure from church employment was covered in love and encouragement and an excitement about what opportunities might lay ahead for me. i am still very much a member and part of the st. roch community church family. as for future plans....you'll just have to stay tuned and keep reading!

hear the Voice (read this one second)

so the first in this series will actually be a book review i was supposed to do last year.

when my friend stephen told me last october about the Voice, a new bible translation project, it sounded really neat. i looked it up online and saw that i could get a just-published New Testament for FREE! what could be better? the only catch--i had to blog about it. well, better late than never, eh?

from the website:

"Much like the Hebrews at the time of the New Testament, emerging generations today connect with story rather than isolated facts. Too often, preaching is reduced to articulating truth statements somehow hidden in a complex, powerful, and redemptive story. Jesus taught through parables and metaphors; modern Christians have attempted to translate His teaching into a system of irrefutable fact statements and something seems to be getting lost in the translation.
Hence, a group of writers, poets, scholars, pastors, and storytellers have committed to work together to bring the Scriptures to life in a way that celebrates both beauty and truth.
The result is a retelling of the Scriptures: The Voice, not of words, but of meaning and experience.
The Voice is a fresh expression of the timeless narrative known as the Bible. Stories that were told to emerging generations of God's goodness by their grandparents and tribal leaders were recorded and assembled to form the Christian Scriptures. Too often the passion, grit, humor, and beauty has been lost in the translation process. The Voice seeks to recapture what was lost."

and from the preface of the Voice New Testament:
"The Voice uniquely represents collaboration among scholars, pastors, writers, musicians, poets, and other artists. The goal is to create the finest Bible products to hep believers experience the joy and wonder of God's revelation. Four key words describe the vision of this project: holistic (considers heart, soul, and mind); beautiful (achieves literary and artistic excellence); sensitive (respects cultural shifts and the need for accuracy); and balanced (includes theologically diverse writers and scholars)...The heart of the project is retelling the story of the Bible in a form as fluid as modern literary works yet remaining painstakingly true to the original manuscripts."

i have really enjoyed reading through the Voice. i have appreciated the way the collaborators made an effort to draw out the context so the reader can really understand how the listeners of that day would be hearing the message. i have been on the fence for a while about the Message version of the bible but i feel the Voice is different. i think where the Message paraphrases things to make them more transferable to today's language, the Voice's concern about the way the original audience would have heard what was being said is emphasized. it is more of a direct translation, and less of a paraphrase, so the authenticity of the words still shines through. it has really illuminated meaning and value for me to read certain passages in the Voice and then compare those to another version and see the depth of what i'm reading. a lot of the text is broken up into sort of stage directions, with "narration" given between the "players' lines." this is helpful to clarify some dialogue and also helps in imagining the scene during Jesus' time.

some of my favorite passages from the Voice, and you can do the homework of comparing them to another bible version to see the differences....
"There is a sure way for us to know that we belong to the truth. Even though our inner thoughts may condemn us with storms of guilt and constant reminders of our failures, we can know in our hearts in His presence that God Himself is greater than any accusation. He knows all things and has chosen to offer grace instead of condemnation. My loved ones, if our hearts cannot condemn us we can stand with confidence before God. Whatever we may ask, we receive it form Him because we follow His commands and take the path that pleases Him. His command is clear: believe in the name of His Son, Jesus, our Liberating King, and love one another as He commanded. The one who follows His teaching and walks this path lives in an intimate relationship with God." (1 John 3:19-24)

"So my brothers and sisters, you owe the flesh nothing! You do not need to live according to its ways, so abandon its oppressive regime. For if your life is just about satisfying the impulses of your sinful nature, then prepare to die. But if you have invited the Spirit to destroy these selfish desires, you will experience life. If the Spirit of God is leading you, then take comfort in knowing you are His children." (Romans 8:12-14)

"Finally, brothers and sisters, keep rejoicing and repair whatever is broken. Encourage each other, think as one, and live at peace; and God, the Author of love and peace, will remain with you." (2 Corinthians 13:11)

"We have cause to celebrate because the grace of God has appeared, offering the gift of salvation to all people. Grace arrives with its own instruction: run away from anything that leads us away from God; abandon the lusts and passions of this world; live life now in this age with awareness and self-control, doing the right thing and keeping yourselves holy. Watch for His return; expect the blessed hope we all are to share when our amazing God and Savior, Jesus, the Liberating King, appears again. He gave His body for our sake and will not only break us free from the chains of wickedness, but He will also prepare a community uncorrupted by the world that He would call His own--people who are passionate about doing the right thing." (Titus 2: 11-14)

"The Liberating King suffered for us and left us His example so that we could follow in His steps. When He was verbally abused, He didn't return the abuse; when He suffered, He didn't make threats to cause suffering in return; instead, He trusted that all would be put right by the One who is just when He judges." (1 Peter 2:22-23)

another neat thing is that there have been two audio projects as part of the Voice, and these put the psalms of the Old Testament to music. i have heard a few of these selections and if you can get your hands on these, i highly recommend them! for more info check these out: hearthevoice.com, Songs from the Voice (Vol. 1), Songs from the Voice (Vol. 2).

long overdue (read this one first)

i can't believe it's been so long since i last updated the good ole blog. well if you are anything like my dad, you've been wanting a blog update from me for a long time. and if you are anything like most other people =) then you probably didn't notice i had taken such a long hiatus.

since you heard from me last:
another mardi gras season, come and gone. another tax season, come and gone. the Rescue, invisible children event. first st roch art show. six friends moved away from new orleans. cousin's wedding in chicago. planned trip to DC to lobby for an end to the war in Central Africa. car accident changes plans! summer camp in st roch. friend's wedding in california. new life direction? (more details in upcoming posts)...

i'm gonna break up my overdue posts so you dont get tired and foggy-eyed trying to read everything in one long post. in this series:
a book review
ch-ch-ch-ch-changes
what's next!

show some love!

I am posting this to ask you to consider a special gift toward the Mission Year Love Drive: https://www.missionyear.org/love/alumni Every donation at or above $50 receives a special edition T-Shirt!

I gave a year of my life to serve with this amazing organization in Oakland, California, and while I can only hope that it changed my neighbors lives, I know it definitely changed mine. I can tell you first hand how much the support of others means to Mission Year and the 90 + Team Members serving in Atlanta, Camden, Chicago, New Orleans, Philly and Wilmington, DE. The Mission Year team members in New Orleans are so valuable to us here at St. Roch Community Church. They help us serve and love our neighbors in immeasurable ways! Having been a Mission Year team member myself, I know how difficult it can be to focus on raising support AND being fully present in your neighborhood at the same time. Would you consider showing Mission Year some love by supporting a current team member or other programmatic costs?

All of this year's Mission Year team members are able to love their neighbors, serve their neighborhoods, grow in their relationship with Christ, and minister to those around them because of God's provisions through great people like you!

So, please consider showing Mission Year some love!

Thanks!