it's not just a game

how can i explain this to make you understand? if you are a part of the demographic who grew up with a strong loyalty to a particular team in a particular city that, some might say, exceeds normal fan-ness, then i dont have to explain. and if you were not so lucky then you do require an explanation. because it doesnt make sense, doesnt seem worth it, irrational perhaps. and on most days i would agree. this team owes me nothing, i have done nothing to contribute to their success on the field and honestly most days when the final out is recorded, i can leave it at that. but those are the days when there is a tomorrow . those are the days when that game didnt end all the hopes for that season.

and this season has been different. this has been the first season in a long time that i actually followed for most of the year. i really felt a part of the movement this year, even after having been a fan for 26 years. this is not just something i decided one day to go along with; this was a condition that i was born into. inheritance, genetics, whatever--there was no avoiding it.

and this season was different not just because of me but because it was really happening. they had their best season in a long time . they had the best record in the national league. everyday was a new hero. and now, its all over. this team was favored to WIN the world series. you dont just build up hope and expectation like that without having some sort of effect on people. when it doesnt happen, its a major let down.

no i've never met these athletes and no i probably never will. but they poured their heart and soul out onto the field every game for the last 160+ games. it's just so hard to wrap my mind around what we watched over the past few days. how did it all go so terribly wrong? caring about this is no longer in the realm of something i've chosen. i care, and i'm not sorry that i care. like when a good friend lets you down, i feel it. it makes me sad. it is baseball AND it is something serious. no i havent lost my appetite and no i havent given up on life. though i'm sure there are some who have and i understand that completely.

so if you dont understand, dont say anything. dont ask questions or attempt to lessen the significance to the affected party. this too, sigh, shall pass. wounds will heal and next year we'll try again. but this one really hurt and the memory of a cubs fan can be a dangerous thing.