Holiest of Holies

With Christmas just a matter of hours away, I am struck by a passage of scripture unrelated to Jesus' manger-laden birth, yet fundamental to his reason for being born...

"Think about that first covenant for a moment. Even that covenant had rules and regulations about how to worship and how to set up an earthly sanctuary for God. In the Book of Exodus, we read how the first tent was set aside for worship--we call it the holy place...Behind a second dividing curtain, there was another tent which is called the most holy of holy places...

Here's my point: When all is prepared as it is supposed to be, the priests go back and forth daily into the first tent to carry out the duties described in the law. But once a year, the high priest goes alone into that second tent, the holy of holies, with blood to offer for himself and the unwitting errors of the people."

You see, the priest, being human with a heart just as prone to sin as his people, needed his own atonement before offering any atoning sacrifices for his people. This was a never-ending cycle. The priest was appointed by God to this office, but in no other way was he made or exempt apart from the law and its demands. The priest had no special way of attaining cleanliness, apart from the same rituals through which he guided other worshippers.

"As long as that first tent is standing, the Holy Spirit shows us, the way into the most holy of holy places has not yet been revealed to us. That first tent symbolizes the present time, when gifts and sacrifices can be offered; but it can't change the heart and conscience of the worshipper...

When the Liberating King arrived as High Priest of the good that comes to us, He entered through a greater and more perfect sanctuary that was not part of the earthly creation or made by human hands. He entered once for all time into the most holy of holy places--entering, not with the blood of goats or calves...but offering His own blood and thus obtaining redemption for us for all time. Think about it: if the blood of bulls or of goats, or the sprinkling of ashes from a heifer, restores the defiled to bodily cleanliness and wholeness, then how much more powerful is the blood of the Liberating King, who through the eternal Spirit offered Himself as a spotless sacrifice to God, purifying your conscience form the dead things of the world to the service of the living God?

This is why Jesus is the mediator of the new covenant: through His death, He delivered us from the sins that we had built up under the first covenant, and His death has made it possible for all who are called to receive God's promised inheritance. For whenever there is a testament--a will--the death of the one who made it must be confirmed because a will takes effect only at the death of its maker; it has no validity as long as the maker is still alive. Even the first testament--the first covenant--required blood to be put into action...Under the law, it's almost the case that everything is purified in connection with blood; without the shedding of blood, sin cannot be forgiven."

Here we are reminded that what is most real, what is most true, is the unseen reality. Take the temple in Jerusalem, the holiest place on earth. It seemed real enough, with its massive stone construction, constant flurry of rituals, and daily offerings. But the writer tells us that it was merely a copy or shadow of another place, the heavenly temple. Whatever took place in this shadowy temple could not change the realities of alienation from God, sin, and death. Whatever else seems real around us can't shade the fact that the truest part of our selves lies within, our heart and soul, which cannot be hidden or changed apart from the one who created us.

Every year on a most special day, the Day of Atonement, the high priest would don his priestly garb and enter the most holy of holy paces in the temple. His task was profound, his duty dangerous: he must appear before God carrying the sins of his people. All the sins of Israel were concentrated in him as he carried the blood of the sacrifice into the divine presence. But there was another day, a Day of Atonement unlike any other, where Jesus, the Liberating King, concentrated in Himself the sins of the world, hanging on a cross not far from the temple's holiest chamber. Indeed, for a time, He became sin. But unlike the high priest in the early copy of the temple, the crucified and risen Jesus entered the true temple of heaven and was ushered into the divine presence. He who had embodied the sins of the world carried His own sinless blood into the holy presence. Jesus' death was the sacrifice and his resurrection was the entrance into the holiest of holies, the true presence of God, wherein he carried the sins of the world as the ultimate atoning offering. At that moment, everything changed.

"The Liberating King did not enter into handcrafted sacred spaces but into heaven itself, where He stands in the presence of God on our behalf. There He does not offer Himself over and over as a sacrifice (as the high priest on earth does when he enters the most holy of holy places each year with blood other than his own) because that would require His repeated suffering since the beginning of the world. No, He has appeared once now, at the end of the age, to put away sin forever by offering Himself as a sacrifice...

We have seen how the law is simply a shadow of the good things to come. Since it is not the perfect form of these ultimate realities, the offering year after year of these imperfect sacrifices cannot bring perfection to those who come forward to worship. If they had served this purpose, wouldn't the repetition of these sacrifices have become unnecessary?...These sacrifices actually remind us that we sin again and again, year after year. In the end, the blood of bulls and of goats is powerless to take away sins"

Picture this: the worshippers come to the temple everyday, greet the priest they see everyday and hand him their daily sacrifice. He goes in, takes care of business, and comes out. "See you tomorrow, " they say to each other as they part ways. Just that scene is a clear reason why we need a once-and-for-all solution to this sin problem. I wonder if these people groaned, ached with the painful knowledge that these sacrifices, while required by God, would never be enough to thoroughly and actually cleanse their hearts and free them from the burden of sin. God asks of us obedience, and a contrite heart...steeped in the knowledge that no earthly action or routine of our own will ever be sufficient to heal our broken souls.

"In the first covenant, every day every priest stands at his post serving, offering over and over those same sacrifices that can never take away sin. But after the Liberator stepped up to offer His single sacrifice for sins for all time, He sat down in the position of honor at the right hand of God...When there is forgiveness such as this, there is no longer any need to make an offering for sin."

From the letter to the Hebrews, chapters 9 & 10

In this Christmas season, Easter must not be far from our minds. God willingly, lovingly, and joyfully sent His only Son to earth. He entered as any man would, in the form of an infant. He came and lived to fully know the human experience. And He came and lived with the full knowledge of His ultimate purpose. He was born to die. He came to serve as the only atonement that we would ever need. How his heart must have broken as he looked upon the people he loved and lived among, knowing how deeply they needed the healing that only He could offer. But how his heart must have rejoiced knowing that the generations of partial sacrifice could end. How his heart must rejoice now to see that His mission to earth, from babe to grave to resurrection, was not in vain. And he calls at this time, from a cradle in the hay, to those who will hear and respond. He calls to come, join Him in the truest way of life. Come, follow the baby who brings us peace and grace.

the one about race

first it was going to be a post about obama. and how historic this moment is in our country. i was just going to write about how heartened i was to see a candidate who my neighbors believed in. but then it became something more.

this past may i attended a conference and one of the workshops was entitled "would jesus vote?" this was my question. we examined isaiah 61.1 and asked which candidate would truly be a leader who would preach good news to the poor and bind up the brokenhearted. we argued over what that might mean and look like in our country and world today and asked if it was even possible within the social structures we have created. mostly i listened. i was troubled, as i usually am with political debate. politics is politics, i knew. talk is cheap, until the votes come in. and then....well, then, the winner will do what the winner wants to do. maybe its from living in new orleans, maybe not--i feel we have little recourse when it comes to holding our leaders accountable. furthermore, it is easy for me to postulate what one candidate could do versus another. but looking deeper i realized the privilege that even comes with being able to ask that question. i wondered who my neighbors would vote for. i wondered why they should even care. i wondered what those issues were that would inform their decision. the workshop left me partly discouraged and partly encouraged. i knew that politicians werent speaking to my neighbors. it's common sense really, you make promises to the people who will vote. so in a democracy, the people who dont vote are nearly as good as invisible. and essentially powerless. that was the discouraging part. the encouragement came in the vision that began to grow of the empowerment that could take place among my neighbors. imagine if they had a voice, imagine if they rallied together about the things that mattered. i think its easy to think that nothing matters to my neighbors. but do they know that they could possess the power to effect the things that matter? have they ever been told that THEY, in fact, matter?

so, barack obama. and my neighbors. i think that my neighbors truly saw a bit of themselves in obama...or perhaps a bit of what they could imagine themselves aspiring to be. forget the fact that perhaps obama's achievements and successes could have been the same as any white candidate. it was the fact that he is black AND had those successes that connected with my neighbors. it was like they were finally willing to believe the cliche that they've perhaps never been told--you can be anything you want to be. let's be honest--a person cannot be anything they want to be by simply wanting it to be. and without resources or encouragement, its hard getting it to be a reality. so as it came down to the wire, i was more confident in my decision for obama specifically because he seemed to be the candidate of my neighbors. no i didnt base my choice solely on that fact...but it mattered to me that this was someone they could believe in. it mattered to me that it suddenly mattered enough for them to want to vote. it mattered to me that this was someone they could relate to, feel comfortable representing them as americans. that mattered to them, so it mattered to me.

and then, he won. and the historical significance is not to be understated. he's the first black president of america. he will be the face of america to the world. and the majority of voting americans chose him. that is big.

i heard some analysts talking the morning-after about which came first: the chicken (obama getting elected) or the egg (the change in attitude of america). one guy made the point that blacks have always in this country had to work twice as hard to prove they are just as good as whites. and that is precisely one of the things that obama had done. i think he is extremely qualified to be president, though i wouldnt wish the job on my worst enemy, but are we not just a little bit more impressed because he is such an accomplished black man? with the same credentials and hope-laden rhetoric, and white skin, would we be just as impressed? or is his brand of hope somehow more believable, and less political, because his black-ness represents something beyond what we've seen in america?

this evening i went to see "the secret life of bees." i did not know anything about the movie, nor the novel, though had heard it was good. i dont want to give away too much because i think you all should go see it. but i will tell you i cried like a baby. perhaps because i saw it this week, after watching history being made in my own living room, or because i'm constantly surrounded by people who dont look like me. whatever the reason, the racial theme of the story resonated with me. i found the characters wholly believeable and maybe it was a glimpse into the civil rights era that i had never seen before. but i cried. i cried because of what was happening to the characters and the injustices they faced. i cried because then with the passage of the civil rights act, and now with the election of our first black president, these acts can be mere formalities without the commitment to reconciliation and long-term change in attitude. i cried because i know that there are people in our country, our country which we are so proud of at this moment, who might do the very same thing to their darker-skinned neighbors today. i cried because we are so far from equality, and in the moments when it sinks in deep enough to overwhelm me, all i can do is cry.

shelby steele wrote a compelling article in which he says: It is an American cultural habit to endure our racial tensions by periodically alighting on little islands of fresh hope and idealism. But true reform, like the civil rights victories of the '60s, never happens until people become exhausted with their suffering. Then they don't care who the president is.
and that made me wonder if we are yet truly exhausted with our suffering, or even truly aware of our neighbor's suffering.

i dont know what the historians will say about this moment in 10 years, 20 years, 40 years. i dont know how the landscape of racial attitudes will change in america in the next 4 years. but i do know that black men are still killing black men in my neighborhood, and neighborhoods like mine across america. attitudes of inferiority and hate have permeated minds and culture and have become ingrained. the lies of inequality have been believed and internalized. i know that i have privilege in my neighborhood, in my city, in my country, simply because of the color of my skin. i know that my neighbors believe that this is as good as it's going to get.

but i also believe that the differences among us serve to make us stronger. i pray that we choose to believe what is true about ourselves instead of what is false. i hope that we are not so intimidated by being created in the image of God to embrace the truth that, in fact, our neighbors have been created in that same image as well. i also know that the promise of a Beloved Community is true, firm, and real. i know that one day we will see it in full and we will not recognize ourselves. i know that it is beyond the power of any man, woman, or child to bring about--whether the president of america or the president of the block club. i have seen glimpses of it here and by the grace of God i hope that you catch those glimpses too.

For we know that the whole creation has been groaning together in the pains of childbirth until now. And not only the creation, but we ourselves, who have the firstfruits of the Spirit, groan inwardly as we wait eagerly for adoption as sons, the redemption of our bodies. For in this hope we were saved. Now hope that is seen is not hope. For who hopes for what he sees? But if we hope for what we do not see, we wait for it with patience. (Romans 8:22-25)

it's really hitting me now. next sunday will be my last time to attend regular worship at Redeemer for as long as i can tell. its a strange feeling because i'm not leaving the city, yet i will be leaving the body, the community, that i have worshipped with for the past 2 years. i have never been a part of a church body for that long, ever.

if you had told me, before i came to new orleans, that i would end up in a church that looked like redeemer, i would have told you you were crazy. yet, God is crazier!!! God brought me into this body, this family of believers less than a year after its post-katrina re-start. what struck me and kept me was the people, since you know, they are after all what God uses to build his church here. it was the people--their welcoming spirit, their encouragement, their love for me. it helped that nearly everyone i met there was also a new transplant to the city. but the way God answered my prayers through this body has been amazing. i have grown deeper in my relationship with God and in my ability to love this city because of Redeemer Presbyterian Church--without a doubt. i never really knew what a presbyterian was before i got here; now i am proud to align myself with this group of people. were it not for my Redeemer family, i probably would not have stayed in New Orleans beyond my first-year commitment.

at the same time, i have been part of God's work planting a new church in the 8th ward. being part of St. Roch is so exciting to me and has also provided so many answers to my prayers. this is a body and a family like i have never known--the Lord is so good!!!

at first, it all worked out so nicely--Redeemer in the morning and St. Roch in the evening. but now, the inevitable has come. our sanctuary at st roch is nearly completed and we will be moving to morning services beginning on oct 25. less than 2 weeks away! while i will still participate in redeemer community group and hope for my friendships to continue to grow and flourish, for me it means the end of corporate worship with my Redeemer family. this saddens me very deeply. at times when i have left the city, i have felt a tangible separation from the community that the Lord has given me here. one of the most beautiful things i have witnessed in my 2+ years of living here was the service at Redeemer on the sunday following hurricane gustav. i cant explain it but being reunited with that group of people, and being reminded of God's sovereignty, grace, and beauty in all the unexplainables of our world moved me deeply.

none of this is to discredit my commitment or love for my st. roch church family--i know there is much excitement and anticipation for all that is to come, but for now i am very sad that i have just one sunday left with my redeemer family.

it's not just a game

how can i explain this to make you understand? if you are a part of the demographic who grew up with a strong loyalty to a particular team in a particular city that, some might say, exceeds normal fan-ness, then i dont have to explain. and if you were not so lucky then you do require an explanation. because it doesnt make sense, doesnt seem worth it, irrational perhaps. and on most days i would agree. this team owes me nothing, i have done nothing to contribute to their success on the field and honestly most days when the final out is recorded, i can leave it at that. but those are the days when there is a tomorrow . those are the days when that game didnt end all the hopes for that season.

and this season has been different. this has been the first season in a long time that i actually followed for most of the year. i really felt a part of the movement this year, even after having been a fan for 26 years. this is not just something i decided one day to go along with; this was a condition that i was born into. inheritance, genetics, whatever--there was no avoiding it.

and this season was different not just because of me but because it was really happening. they had their best season in a long time . they had the best record in the national league. everyday was a new hero. and now, its all over. this team was favored to WIN the world series. you dont just build up hope and expectation like that without having some sort of effect on people. when it doesnt happen, its a major let down.

no i've never met these athletes and no i probably never will. but they poured their heart and soul out onto the field every game for the last 160+ games. it's just so hard to wrap my mind around what we watched over the past few days. how did it all go so terribly wrong? caring about this is no longer in the realm of something i've chosen. i care, and i'm not sorry that i care. like when a good friend lets you down, i feel it. it makes me sad. it is baseball AND it is something serious. no i havent lost my appetite and no i havent given up on life. though i'm sure there are some who have and i understand that completely.

so if you dont understand, dont say anything. dont ask questions or attempt to lessen the significance to the affected party. this too, sigh, shall pass. wounds will heal and next year we'll try again. but this one really hurt and the memory of a cubs fan can be a dangerous thing.

nonstop action!!

well, if you're still keeping track of my movements then you hopefully figured out that i made it back to new orleans safely on friday afternoon. it was smooth sailing the whole time, no traffic problems. thanks again to all who sent their well wishes and thoughts and prayers and encouragement while i was in evacuation mode. while we tried to lighten the mood, there were many many tense moments. i'm sending out my love in thanks all over!!!

as soon as i got back i got to packing up all my stuff to move over to the new apartment, which i had intended to do last weekend. i am really amazed at how quickly it all happened!! needless to say i couldnt have done it all without some amazing help from my church family--they really did all the big heavy stuff, i sort of meandered around trying to give instructions =) my stuff is slowly making its way out of bags, boxes, and piles into some sort of order in the new apartment, but it will be a slow process i'm afraid.

all this and we're also keeping an eye on hurricane ike!!!! i really hope it stays away from us. i've been thinking a lot about haiti, with all these recent storms. we think here that we are somehow immune from a second storm after we've been hit by one but there's no reason why we're out of harm's way. haiti has been hit by gustav, hanna, AND ike. i think it probably got hit by fay last month too! anyway, i recently finished reading "mountains beyond mountains" which tells some of paul farmer's story of starting several health clinics in rural haiti and his philosophy of preferential treatment for the poor. this is not intended to be a book report, though i highly recommend it, but rather a backdrop for my thoughts on the country. we talk about how katrina revealed poverty and brokenness in new orleans but as i was reminded by reading the partners in health website, haiti never had any levees to hold water back. while its bad when the levees fail, imagine if we never had any kind of structure to keep the waters away. and talk about a foundation of poverty and no infrastructure--while new orleans seems like third world sometimes, it is still a part of the world's richest country. haiti is probably a lot farther down on the list...

back to n.o.

hey y'all
looks like i'll be headed back to the big easy tomorrow (friday) i've heard from several friends that power is on in my neighborhood (perhaps even that it never went out) and i know now there are several grocery stores and gas stations re-opened. probably will be even more by the time i get there tomorrow afternoon.
if you hear nothing else, i'll be on the road soon!
emily

quiet day

today was pretty quiet, compared to the excitement of yesterday. i went out with some friends to get an evacuation pedicure, which was lovely. i relaxed around the house and almost won a game of scrabble. everyone's been asking all day when we can get back to new orleans. they're doing the re-entry in phases so that all essential personnel will be prepared for the influx of residents. that includes not only first responders and utility workers but store owners, gas station people, etc. i texted a friend and he said he thinks that power never went out in my neighborhood, but it's hard to know for sure. entergy is working as hard and as quickly (and carefully) as they can, but we're not able to get very speedy updates. gustav is not quite letting go--there were still tornado warnings in the new orleans area, as well as up here in the jackson area.
will update as i have new information!
love, emily

not quite over

well, we have not seen the last of gustav. the outer bands were still causing tornado warnings and watches into this evening, as far north as here in jackson. i heard some tornado sirens, but nothing hit the immediate area that i'm staying in, praise the Lord! it looks like it's still raining in new orleans, so that hopefully won't accumulate too rapidly to cause flooding. c.ray says that new orleans residents will not be allowed to return tuesday, and maybe not even wednesday. he hopes to give an update tomorrow evening on our allowed return to the city. i wonder what the reverse migration traffic will be like!

i cannot say enough how much i appreciate all the love/concern/prayers/care that has poured in from all over the place. clearly i am not in evacuation with my own family, although i am with people who have become my extended family in new orleans. it was very encouraging to know so many people were thinking about us here in the path of gustav, checking in on what was happening. i dont know how to thank you all!!!!!!!!

til tomorrow =)
emily

praise the Lord!

looks like the worst of it is behind us--crazy the ups-and-downs of emotions that this kind of thing can put you through. as the storm continues inland, it will die down evenutally. everyone is saying the damage is not near what was anticipated and there was much less storm surge than was forecasted. there is still a need to keep an eye on those outer bands (n.g.v.--new gustav vocab) which have some pretty active tornadic (ngv) activity, but other than that we missed the worst of it. looks like the overtopping of the levees has stopped with a shift in the wind direction and the streets are no longer flooded. praise God!!!!! thanks for all your thoughts and prayers!

upper ninth

there is water lapping over the top of the levees on the industrial canal, causing flooding to the west in the upper ninth ward--my neighborhood!! please pray for the neighborhood, as it sustained much damage from katrina and the news just said there are still people there who did not evacuate. the neighborhood usually floods a good amount each time it rains, so flooding is not new to the area but we dont want the water to get too high!! the levee has NOT breached, and the army corps is saying they don't think it will, but the water levels are high enough to be overflowing. please pray with me!!!

here he comes!

last night i was watching the weather channel before bed. the anchor in the studio was talking with a reporter standing in front of a house boat in houma, la. there was a family still in that houseboat--the anchor asked the reporter what he could say to that family to convince them to leave. the reporter says he tried to tell them, there'd be the surge of the waves, the wind, the rain, but they refused to leave. "i asked them why they were staying and, blieve it or not, they said because the kids wanted to....." he reports "...I mean who's in charge here?" he asks, stating the question that would be on any sane person's mind. After a few stumbling seconds of just trying to come to terms with the situation, he frankly looks into the camera and says, "You know folks, we can't save everyone..." and moves on to tell of gustav's current movement. i couldnt believe it.

last night i was really feeling nervous--what would i wake up to? what would be left of new orleans? and even in jackson, there's forecasts of flash flooding, thunderstorms, wind gusts. during katrina, i have learned, power was out here for a week! we have contingency plans galore, so we wont be stuck. it's just the nervous anticipation. and not something that we fear might happen...now just a matter of watching it happen before our eyes and just wondering how bad its really going to be.

with katrina, maybe i heard about it ahead of time while flipping through the channels but i didnt know anyone who was in the expected path of the storm. there wasn't all this anxiety of the build up, watching the system spin around, "barrelling" closer to the shore. with katrina, it was just the aftermath that i watched. this is a whole added component, seeing it from before, anticipating it.

as of this morning, it appears that the eye (and eye-wall) of the storm will be hitting southwest of new orleans, though still making direct hit on the louisiana coast. it's coming on shore as a category 2, though they're saying there's a lot of rain that will last for days with it. the most recent shots of new orleans that i saw didnt show any street flooding, so that's good. but, as we know, it doesnt take too much to flood the streets so we'll see how long that lasts.

here's hoping!
emily

gustav, a day away

it is expected that gustav will make landfall sometime tomorrow (monday, sept 1) happy labor day! the news is saying that he could hit anywhere from east texas to the alabama/florida border. that is a WIDE swath. apparently ray nagin has called gustav "the mother of all storms" and technically i think he would be the "father of all storms," but who's counting. why is it that in times like this, the masters of hyperbole are those with the most power? do you think there is a direct correlation there? perhaps it really will be the storm to end all storms, but who knows? perhaps he just needed to put that extra oomph to drive home the point that you MUST leave new orleans. there are no shelters in new orleans. if you stay, you are on your own. there will be a curfew and anyone not on their own property will be subject to arrest.

the friends who were going to ride with me ended up on a city-evacuation bus headed to arkansas. "how far away is arkansas?" my friend asked me when she called from the bus. that was yesterday evening--hopefully she's there by now.

we met a woman last night at a restaurant in downtown jackson who had evacuated here from grand isle, louisiana. that's one of those towns on the tippy tip of the boot-toe of the state. she was really proud to tell us that we could find pictures of her wedding online. you wont believe your eyes!

this is a strange thing for me. it kind of feels like a long holiday weekend, but gustav has never been off my mind. there's no sense in worrying because that wont change the course of the storm. i'm learning that even jackson will feel some effects--high winds, thunderstorms, potential power outtages--but not enough to evacuate from here. i've never done this before and its a weird state to know that in a matter of hours your whole life could take a drastic turn. i'm with friends here and i am being well taken care of! i'll try to keep the updates coming as i can.

love, emily

gustav update

greetings from sunny jackson, mississippi!
yes you read that right, i'm in jackson, not baton rouge as originally planned. i'm doing fine and now just waiting, like the rest of the country, to see what gustav will do when he makes landfall (expected early tuesday, sept 2). (thats the abbreviated version. see below for more details)

all this gustav-talk started early this past week in new orleans. i am usually one to react to such news with hyper anxiety but i took bob breck's advice (bobbreck.blogspot.com) and didnt freak out. although it seemed like the rest of the city was already in freak-out mode, which is understandable since three years ago to the week most people lost everything they owned. EVERYTHING. so better to freak out than be sorry, right? i figured i'd wait and see what the forecasters said, if/when evacuation would be necessary.
early in the week i was still hoping my weekend plans would involve moving (to a new apartment a few blocks away, plans that were made the week before gustav) rather than evacuating. as it got to the middle of the week, the people closest to me were talking about evacuating and thats what made me realize, hm, i dont want to be left behind. originally i was going to go with some friends to north carolina, then to atlanta. then to baton rouge since that would be closer (no need to go all the way to the atlantic coast to avoid the storm) and easier/quicker to return to new orleans if gustav should change his path. i was really not interested in a prolonged adventure. another friend offered for me to join her in jackson, mississippi but for the time being i was set on going to baton rouge. my preference was to not leave new orleans with four empty seats in my car--given the high number of people i know who dont have personal transportation, i figured SOMEONE would need a ride somewhere. my second prefernce was to stay with people i knew.
at the same time that i was trying to maintain calm and listen to bob breck, the city already seemed to be doing a better job of preparing for this storm, than it had with katrina. the governor was being very very pro-active, the mayor was talking about the plan (wow, an actual plan!) to get everyone out of the city with enough buses, etc. that was re-assuring, minus the fact that it would mean i'd have to go. up until thursday evening i really was feeling calm and cool about the whole thing and still hoping i wouldnt have to leave until sunday, saturday evening at the earliest. then i heard the mayor say on the news that he'd probably call a mandatory evacuation on saturday afternoon. from all i had heard my friends talking about their previous evacuation experiences, its best to leave before the mandatory evacuation call. a few years ago, some friends evacuated and it took them 8 hours to get to slidell, which is probably about 50 miles from new orleans. sheesh! i didnt want that to happen.
so then my mind was set on evacuate-friday-mode. and thats when the nerves started. i had to remind myself that it wasnt so much that i would need to evacuate with the storm on my heels (think indiana jones and the ginormous boulder rolling behind him) but more so evacuating before the hordes to avoid the news-making traffic jams. at this point, i was going to go with some people from st roch community church, including the pastor and his wife and some other friends. my empty passenger seats would be filled and we'd head to baton rouge. as the day progressed, i waited on word that it was time to go. plans were falling into place but then we realized that heading to baton rouge wasnt going to be the best decision. and the family i was supposed to take with me decided they'd rather wait for the mandatory call and take the city-sponsored buses. so. i had to decide what now to do. i called up my friend who had offered me a place in jackson and asked if it was too late (this was friday afternoon). she generously said no, the offer was still good! so i went home, got my bags, and made my way up to mississippi. some other friends of mine are staying in jackson too and we met up for dinner along the way last night.
and that brings me to now. i'm hoping to be here until next wednesday or thursday at the latest. this is looking like it will be an extended labor day vacation in mississippi. yahoo!!!! i'm glad to be out of new orleans and now i just play the wait-and-see game like everyone else.

packing my bags was interesting....how do you decide what to take when you realize that whatever you leave might be lost for good? and i think of my neighbors, many of whom will be part of the new city-wide plan to evacuate everyone with buses to various locations outside of the city. they are making very clear now that if you stay and resist the mandatory evacuation, you are on your own. there are no city shelters. what about those people who are barely scraping by? now they will be dropped off in a new city to wait-and-see. evacuation is expensive, not to mention the lost time of missing work. so many factors, so many things to consider, on top of the fact that you might be watching your city get destroyed for the second time in three years. yes, hurricanes are a fact of life living in coastal louisiana. but that doesnt make it any easier to deal with. i'm just hoping and praying that God will spare not only new orleans but all the cities and people along the gulf coast. may He turn gustav back to the sea, away from civilization. i'm also praying for those people in jamaica, haiti & the d.r., cuba, and the cayman islands who have already felt the brunt of gustav.

i will keep you posted if there is anything to report. the websites i'm watching are: bobbreck.blogspot.com and nhc.noaa.gov

with love, emily

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ashes, ashes, we all fall down

coming into ash wednesday, i went back in forth in my mind about the idea of getting the symbolic ash mark on my forehead. this is never something i had needed to consider before and i was intrigued. in ash wednesdays past, i have been one of those people strangely drawn to stare at anyone with the forehead marking. i understand what it represents but i was torn. torn because on the one hand, the bible tells us not to make a big scene of our fasting or praying or other acts--for the sake of being seen--but that our Father in heaven sees and rewards and that if we are doing it to be seen we need to check our hearts. on the other hand, baptism, a very significant gesture and sign in the life of a christ-follower is all about being an outward declaration to the world of the direction and posture of your life in Christ. really, honestly, despite all this holy talk, my vanity was really about to get the best of me. did i really want that ashy stuff on my foreheard all day? did i want the strange looks and the questions from the kids in the neighborhood? did i want to have to explain it over and over, perhaps even to people to whom explanations really didn't matter?
but as i sat there in the beginning of the ash wednesday service, a stronger thought came to me-- I NEED THIS. i not only need everything that is represented by this ash, this sign, this season, but i NEED this shot to my vanity. if lent is everything it's cracked up to be, then it's a set aside time to focus on our repentance...and our ability to rest in the finished work of Christ on the cross. it is a time for me to choose, to attempt, to admit i fail at putting aside my vanity YET all the while rejoice in Christ's unconditional forgiveness. i needed this reminder, this sign that stared back at me every time i looked in the mirror today. i need to be reminded that i AM set apart. and frankly, if explaining an ashy smudge on my forehead was the strongest sign of Christ to those around me today, then taking up my cross daily compelled me to do it. was i really about to choose my own vanity over an outward sign of my faith? isn't that what this is all about?

people of God, come now in the spirit of penitence, and receive on your head in ashes the sign of the cross, the symbol of our mortality, a symbol of the cost of sin, and yet the sign of our salvation and promise of eternal life.

ain't that just the kicker??!?! that one smudge represents my mortality, the cost of my sin AND YET the sign of my salvation and promise of eternal life. as if my wearing of the ash had ANYthing at all to do with accomplishing anything. my world boils down to how the ash will match or clash with my current day's outfit when in TRUTH and reality, the ash actually represents all that has already and forever been done to absolve me of my own self-full-ness, the illusion of the earth's orbit around me. amazing. i could wear the ash or not, it truly changes naught. God's mercy has been activated once and for all....and all i am thinking about is the pore-clogging-factor.

remember that you are dust, and to dust you shall return.

May our fasting be hunger for justice; our alms, a making of peace; our prayer, the chant of humble and grateful hearts.

the pastor spoke of the lenten tradition of fasting and sacrifice. he reminded us that the emphasis is not on giving up bad things. those bad things, of course, are actually to be given up all year long. no, the point of this fast is not to give up those things that lead us into sin or temptation but to give up good things...for the sake of seeing what's better. i indulge in chocolate and my enjoyment often ends at the chocolate for chocolate's sake. however, this time of pensiveness and abstinence pushes me to think of where that chocolate's goodness comes from...it forces me to remember that for all the goodness of the gift, the Giver is inherently and infinitely better.

were the whole realm of nature mine, that were an offering far too small; love so amazing, so divine, demands my soul , my life, my all.

teach us Lord to count our days, that we may gain a wise heart. satisfy us in the morning with your steadfast love, so that we may rejoice and be glad all our days. through Christ, our Lord. amen.

Rend your heart
and not your garments.
Return to the LORD your God,
for he is gracious and compassionate,
slow to anger and abounding in love,
and he relents from sending calamity. (joel 2. 13)

Deliver me from bloodguiltiness, O God,
O God of my salvation,
and my tongue will sing aloud of your righteousness.
O Lord, open my lips,
and my mouth will declare your praise.
For you will not delight in sacrifice, or I would give it;
you will not be pleased with a burnt offering.
The sacrifices of God are a broken spirit;
a broken and contrite heart, O God, you will not despise. (psalm 51.14-17)

bearing shame and scoffing rude, in my place condemned he stood, sealed my pardon with his blood, Hallelujah! What a Savior!
Guilty, vile, and helpless we; spotless Lamb of God was he; full atonement! Can it be?
Hallelujah! What a Savior!

Go in peace, remembering that you are but dust and ashes and unworthy of being called the people of God. But also remember that, you who were no people, God by His love and grace has made a people, children of his own household. Let us go forth in humility to be Christ to the world.

family vacation!

as many of you know, my family recently ventured to the other side of the world (the antipodes as my mom was fond of saying) for an adventure-vacation in australia and new zealand. this was our first family vacation in about 10 years and we had a blast! you can go here to check out the pictures, which pretty much tell the story.

here's the breakdown of the trip...
day 1: arrived in sydney, australia after 18 hours of flying. i was glad to get off that plane! apparently sunlight helps stave off jet lag so my family kept me in the sun while we strolled through the botanic gardens in the center of sydney. later that day we took a tour of the sydney opera house and then watched a performance of the christmastime favorite, the nutcracker.
day 2: while mom and brother andrew enjoyed a ferry ride around sydney harbor, my dad and i did some more walking to get some good photos of the opera house and harbor bridge. then we met my mom and brother at the taronga zoo on the other side of the harbor. we mostly stuck to the australian animal exhibit so we saw the kangaroos, emu, koalas, wombats, and other native beasts. we had a delicious lunch with a great view of the sydney harbor. that evening we made our way over to bondi beach which is a popular surfing destination and enjoyed some tasty fare overlooking the ocean.
day 3: we flew from sydney to christchurch, new zealand. did you know that new zealand has a north and a south island? well christchurch is the largest city on the south island, with a population of approximately 400,000. it's a quaint town with lots of pretty english-style gardens. unfortunately, our dinner that night took about 3 hours to hit the table so if you visit christchurch, plan to eat somewhere other than pescatore in the george hotel.
day 4: we picked up the tranz scenic train in christchurch for the cross-country trip to greymouth. the train ride was bumpy but the scenery was amazing. we went through 19 tunnels! they even had an observation car that was completely open on top and sides for optimal viewing. we had a nice lunch in greymouth, hopped in our rental suv and started the drive to fox glacier. we had this cool gps-tour-guide system hooked up in our car. it was connected to a satellite so it always knew our coordinates on the map and would give us narration that fit according to where we were or the town we were passing through. this was so cool! there were several times where our guide, jonathan, drew our attention to various aspects of the landscape or background of the area that we otherwise would not have known! plus we learned some neat maori legends.
day 5: in the morning we hiked to see fox glacier. in the afternoon we hiked around lake matheson, which (on a clear day) has great reflections of the mountains behind. unfortunately it was a little cloudy so we had some great reflections of the clouds.
day 6: after breakfast looking out on mount cook (nz's highest peak) we made our way towards queenstown. we heard all about the adrenaline-pumping activites to be enjoyed in queenstown, though i made a mental note take the leisure route instead.
day 7: first day in queenstown. while mom and andrew braved a jet boat ride on the dart river, dad and i experienced some native nz wildlife at a bird sanctuary. in the afternoon we went mini-golfing at one of the coolest mini-golf places i've ever seen. a free lollipop appears when you get the ball in the hole on #18!! that night we dined at saffron, which is apparently on the list of top restaurants in all of new zealand!
day 8--christmas: my dad and i visited an anglican church in the center of town which was full of visitors. the service was nice and i enjoyed hearing the carols sung with a new zealand accent. my mom and brother were out on a 4-wheel drive tour of the scenes from the "lord of the rings" movies. we met up for lunch where we HAD to go to an asian restaurant. we HAD to because it's christmas tradition and because...those were the only restaurants open!!
day 9: we flew to wellington, the capital of new zealand (located on the southern portion of the north island) we didnt have too much time but we visited te papa, which is a cultural and historical museum about new zealand. it was really neat! then we made our way around a windy mountain road to the wharekauhau country estate.
day 10: we had a farm tour in the morning and then relaxing in the afternoon. a nice massage topped things off! also we got to eat dinner with the other guests and it was fun to exchange various travel stories.
day 11: time to leave wharekauhau and drive through wine country to napier. it was rainy most of the day and was still raining when we arrived. they (and i dont know who they is in this case) say that napier is the art deco capital of the world but given that it's a pretty small town, it's probably more likely the art deco capital of new zealand. the whole town was rebuilt after an earthquake destroyed everything in the 1920s.
day 12: on to rotorua. we had a mid-day stop in taupo, the home of lake taupo, new zealand's biggest lake. that evening we walked around lake rotorua and observed the behavior of some BLACK swans
day 13: full day geo-culture tour since rotorua is home to many native maori people and also a lot of geothermal activity. we saw so much--boiling mud, active geysers, steaming lakes, maori carving... it was a jam-packed day!
day 14: before driving to auckland we stopped at the tourist favorite, the agrodome! we saw an "authentic" sheep show with the parade of sheep and even some on-stage shearing. it was a lot of fun and we even got to take pictures with the sheep. do you know there are at least 19 different breeds of sheep??? amazing. then in order to quench my brother's taste for more adrenaline-pumping-activities, he braved the zorb. for those who don't know, it's a giant rubber sphere and you roll around in the sphere going down a hill. it was fun to watch and he said it was fun to do! after that we hit the road. we stopped in hamilton which is the largest inland city in all of new zealand. our in-car tour guide had told us this region was notable for its dairy and beef farming so we tried the milkshakes and hamburgers. important to sample the local product! we arrived in auckland and walked around the city. then we enjoyed a lovely new year's eve dinner on the harbor. after a rousing game of family scrabble, we stepped outside our hotel and watched the fireworks from the skytower. happy 2008!! (by 12:30am we were sleeping!)
day 15: the end of new zealand...we hopped onto a plane to cross the cook strait and spend one more day in sydney. we had a nice dinner, reflected on the trip, and prepared for our long journey back to the states.
day 16: our flight departed sydney around 1pm on january 2nd and we arrived in los angeles at 8am...january 2nd!! crazy!

if you've made it this far, i'm sure you can see why this trip was so great! i would highly recommend a visit to new zealand, especially if you like beautiful scenery, unspoiled nature, and adventure activities. there's even a few things to keep you busy if you prefer to take the leisurely route =)