straight from my journal to your eyes...

so i'm trying to explore prayer in hopes of pursuing a deeper connection with God. you know, i go through ups and downs of the "feeling" of connectedness to God through prayer and i really like the ups. so i'm trying to get back there. living a year like this affords me the opportunity and encouragement to pursue disciplines in a way i may not have taken the effort otherwise.

i'm reading through a book called "50 ways to pray" and one of the exercises i recently went through focused on Mark 10.35-40…

Then James and John, the sons of Zebedee, came to him. "Teacher," they said, "we want you to do for us whatever we ask." "What do you want me to do for you?" Jesus asked. They replied, "Let one of us sit at your right and the other at your left in your glory." "You don't know what you are asking," Jesus said. "Can you drink the cup I drink or be baptized with the baptism I am baptized with?" "We can," they answered. Jesus said to them, "You will drink the cup I drink and be baptized with the baptism I am baptized with, but to sit at my right or left is not for me to grant. These places belong to those for whom they have been prepared."

in this passage, James and John come up to tell Jesus "We want you to do for us whatever we ask of you." now i would respond to them like--who do you think you are, demanding that God do you a favor? and Jesus could say to them--don't you know who I am, and you're asking Me to fulfill your every wish? they have seen his miracles, heard his parables, even seen him calm a storm with a word. indeed, they must believe he is who he says he is, complete with the power he has shown that he has, otherwise they probably wouldn't have come to him with this statement.

and yet, i do the same thing as them: "Jesus, I want you to do for me whatever I ask you to do. Jesus, do this for me. Jesus, do that.” yet how often do i reflect the reality that he doesn’t owe us anything, any favors. he doesn’t have to do anything for us. how often are my requests drenched in the thankfulness that is due Him? the thankfulness that we even have the chance to come and ask? the thankfulness that he might consider us to be a part of His story on earth, in people’s lives.

and apart from how i think i would have reacted to james and john, what does Jesus actually say? "what do you want me to do for you?" ah yes, He doesn’t have the same selfish, self-righteous, be-served attitude that i so often carry. He is the great server, whose ultimate service has set us free. nothing in Him expresses frustration with our questions--ugh, what do you want now? you just asked me for enough yesterday! i don’t have the patience for that, but God does. he welcomes our questions and requests. he doesn't scoff at the desires of our hearts. he seeks our heart, ambitions, motives in handling our requests. he has guaranteed us a response. he has even promised that anything we ask for in his spirit will come to pass (John 15.7 If you remain in me and my words remain in you, ask whatever you wish, and it will be given you.) amazing!!

the prayer exercise goes on to place the reader in the setting of the story and into the position of answering to Jesus what she wants him to do for her. incredible. with the attitude of a servant, Jesus longs to hear our heart's requests. he knows our need and wants to be close enough to us that we trust Him to meet them. he is not too bothered or self-consumed (like me) to tend to us. in fact, that’s' his greatest joy: tending to His people in mercy and grace to ensure their good and His glory.

He's not like us, but calls us to be like Him.

and another reminder from the prayer book...this one focused on deuteronomy 1.6-8

Back at Horeb, God, our God, spoke to us: "You've stayed long enough at this mountain. On your way now. Get moving. Head for the Amorite hills, wherever people are living in the Arabah, the mountains, the foothills, the Negev, the seashore—the Canaanite country and the Lebanon all the way to the big river, the Euphrates. Look, I've given you this land. Now go in and take it. It's the land God promised to give your ancestors Abraham, Isaac, and Jacob and their children after them."

the thing that stuck with me from this was how the people were on Mt. Sinai and God had to tell them it was time to come down from the mountain. they needed to come down to continue the journey to the promised land. i am so stubborn and i want to cling to the mountain tops. i think in those moments, while in the valleys of life or trudging along the bumpy path, we long to be on the peak, even longing to be back on top of the previous mountain. but truly, coming down from the mountain is the only way forward. do we really expect to leap from peak to peak in our journey of knowing God? i forget that it is a forward trek and not intended to end on each mountain top. thus, coming down is required to move forward.