Round One As the kids play during recess at Prescott Elementary School, I see the easy vs. better battle raging constantly. It seems there is a constant “payback” mentality here, a distorted sense of justice. It’s unclear how much of this comes from kids being kids and how much is a reflection of the norms and values communicated by the unspoken assumptions of this neighborhood. If one boy kicks another at recess, the perpetrator soon becomes a victim as the kid who was kicked seeks to inflict pain on the original kicker. And the cycle begins. In all honesty, trying to discourage this kind of retaliation does not make as much sense to me as it used to. If I get kicked and I know how bad it feels, of course I want to make that other person also writhe in pain. If I have to suffer, he should too. Turn the other cheek has no street appeal here, especially in the first grade. As a part-time classroom volunteer, I’m never really sure what role the parents play in each of these children’s education. I don’t know if I am the sole source of discipline or if they are learning most of their lessons from the older kids who hang out on the street. Life here revolves largely around protecting respect—and respect requires defending. Easy wins out most of the time on the playground. It is better every time to do the right thing and walk away, tell the teacher, understand compassion but translating the gospel’s love your neighbor onto the playground is still a challenge for me. A few weeks ago one of the girls at Girls Club was talking about a funeral she had attended earlier in the day for a 22 year-old man and his 2 year-old son. He had been shot as another chapter in a 3 year-long fight that had enveloped and ultimately stolen this young man’s life. Part of me wonders if what I see with my kindergartners at Prescott reflects these cycles of the streets. The other day at the hospital I saw a t-shirt that said “Snitches get stitches—Death before dishonor.” With messages like this being communicated to the young people of this neighborhood, I often feel very helpless in stopping this destructive cycle. Easy: 1 Better: 0 Round Two It is not difficult to remember why we are here—to love God and love people. But easy comes in with a left hook when I’m tempted to convince myself that this has become my life and I can just go about living here like anyone else in my neighborhood. I don’t see any one else going around on a Saturday to meet neighbors. I don’t see anyone else sacrificing time and energy to invest in people, especially when the returns are uncertain. Right at that moment is when better chimes in, reminding me that although this is my life now, I am here to be intentional and committed to pursuing relationships. And it’s more difficult and often less appealing to keep going at it in meeting new people and going deeper in existing relationships but in the end, there’s no doubt in my mind that this is so much better. Easy doesn’t even compare in this situation, given the length of time that we will be here and the eternal rewards of a deep and loving friendship. It’s not that we come with any special gift or amazing ability to bestow upon our unsuspecting neighbors. It’s only that we come with a heart to share the love that God has shown to us and a desire to see hope, joy, and life abundant flood out of this community. In only two months I’ve been impacted in my habits, my speech, and my lifestyle by the ways of this community. Easy wants me to sit around and wait for relationships to be handed to me on a sliver platter but better wins this round easily, opening my eyes to the infinite ways my heart will grow when invested in genuine relationships with those with whom I share my life. Easy: 1 Better: 1 Round Three Earlier this month, Leroy Barber visited with the Mission Year teams in Oakland. As the Vice President of Mission Year, Leroy knows quite a lot about being an urban minister. He’s lived in urban areas all his life and understands a lot about what it takes to really become a part of the neighborhood. He challenged us a lot during his brief visit but one of the things that really stuck with me was the idea of being present without judgment. Basically, I realized he was asking us to live here and admit that we have no idea how to live here. There’s nothing easy about that! Easy wants me to sit with my neighbors and think I know what their life is like because I’ve seen a few movies or watched some television shows that attempt to portray urban living. Easy tempts me into thinking that a college education has prepared me to diagnose and theorize about every situation and condition that I see. Better tells me that my two months of living here is not enough to be able to relate on a level playing field with my neighbors, and that I’m a fool to think it is. Better reminds me that as much as I want to blend in here and live the same life as my neighbors, my background and previous life experience prevent that on a very deep level. This is not to say that I will never find common ground with my neighbors or that it is completely useless to be spending my year in West Oakland. Rather it engages me more to realize that every moment is a learning experience and be thankful that I’ve only needed a few embarrassing incidents to realize how little I know. I’m glad that it’s so much better to admit my ignorance and open myself to be teachable—I’m hungry to learn the ways of life here and to adapt myself to healthy and loving relationships with some amazing people. Easy: 1 Better: 2 Round Four It’s amazing to reflect on all the things you never knew when you’re thrown into a situation where you realize how much more you have to grow. It’s not so much that I came here and had to re-learn all I thought I knew—it’s more like I’m learning about myself and about God in ways I never even thought of before. Two big areas for me right now are grace and freedom. I’m beginning to see the necessary role they play in my life and the many ways I’ve previously tried to live without them. Grace is not always the easiest thing for me to grasp but I recently heard it put like this: Grace is God acting in my life to do what I cannot accomplish. Ironically, it has always been easier for me to think I was in control, to think I know what the best solution for a problem is. Now I’m living in a place that needs holistic care and revitalization and I’m just little Emily, full of very little power to change much of anything. If I want to see this neighborhood be revived and infused with hope and light, that can only come from God. And when I need the patience to love my teammates day in and day out, that is something that can only come from God. So while it has been difficult for me to understand the gift of grace, there is no question that is infinitely better than the alternative. Relying on grace and living in freedom provide the space for me to simply live and let God do the work here. I can’t dive in and deeply change anyone’s heart, especially my own, to bring about the change necessary to fully live the lives we were created to live. Thank God that He gives grace abundantly and desires to do that work in us in order to refine our reflections of Him in all we do. Easy: 1 Better: 3
Friday, April 28, 2006
November 2005--Easy vs. Better
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