Wednesday, September 15, 2010

sometimes prayers have more than one answer

An Open Letter to St. Roch Community Church
August 29, 2010

         About 5 1/2 years ago, I didn't know what church was really meant for.  I was attending a mega-church about 30 miles from where I lived.  Honestly, I enjoyed the anonymity of worshiping with 2,000 other people.  No one knew my name, or my junk.  In January 2005, a woman who I had just met prayed for me and put into words what I didn't know I was missing--church as a family, an intimate body, a group of people who know & care about you.  That prayer was a sign of God doing something and leading me on a course that is still going to this day. 
       Soon after that, I stopped attending the mega-church and found a cool little church-plant in Chicago that was all about racial reconciliation and other Kingdom-oriented things.  The people were nice and I thought my prayer had been answered.  
       Then I moved to Oakland for Mission Year and my team was assigned to work & worship with a traditional style Missionary Baptist church in the 'hood.  My four white teammates and I stuck out like a bunch of sore thumbs, but that church welcomed & loved us as if we had been there our whole lives.  A year later when we were leaving Oakland, I remember tearing up and thanking that congregation for really showing me what church could be--a family, a home filled with love.  I thought my prayer was answered.  
     Then I moved to New Orleans and didn't know what to expect.  Some of my first friends recommended a presbyterian church uptown.  This was like the polar opposite cultural experience from Oakland, but this body was equally as warm and inviting--and I don't think it's just because I was in the city as a volunteer.  This intimate congregation was a real family and people genuinely cared about each other.  Wow, I thought, God is really answering this prayer in even more unexpected ways!  
      At the same time, I began hearing the murmurings of a dream, a vision to plant a new church on the other side of town, a church that would serve & preach the gospel in word and action, intentionally loving neighbors who looked different from each other, in order to restore dignity & leadership to transform the community.  Little did I know how it would look 4 years later!
      St. Roch Community Church has become my community and my family.  I am proud to claim and identify myself with this group of people.  I am known here, junk and all, and still loved!  There were many days when I was frustrated with the work or didn't understand why certain things happened, and I was always and constantly challenged, encouraged, and pushed to see beyond myself.  God is indeed doing something, indeed building this church.  He has allowed his spirit to fill this body with Truth and grace, love and compassion.  I feel I have learned so much more than I could have taught.  This church is a living example of God's abundant grace & mercy.  There is a real authenticity to the depths of relationship and love here--it's a love that sees & speaks Truth, builds up and does not pursue its own agenda.  
    The friendships I have here, this body, defies odds & stereotypes and really is like a breeze from heaven.  I shared at Thanksgiving that this type of thing doesn't just happen everyday.  Look around and remember that God has something special going on here.  If those other churches along the way had been God's only answer to my prayer, that would have been enough.  But how do I express my gratefulness for what He has done here, in me?  It is truly a gift to call you my family, my home; God's goodness is all over this place.
      It is bittersweet for me to know I must leave my family here.  But I know God's work will continue.  There will surely be tests & trials ahead but I believe that God will not abandon this work that He has begun.  This church is a part of me and I know I leave some of my heart here.  It is with joy and hope and eager anticipation that I will continue to pray for God to use this body to touch lives, neighborhoods, this city, and beyond.  I feel great joy & humility & honor to be sent out on behalf of St. Roch Community Church, and to see God's Kingdom continue to advance!  I love y'all!!!   

with Love, 
emily

Sunday, September 12, 2010

reflections on leaving New Orleans...

i have been a jumble of emotions since about mid-August as my new-orleans-departure date drew ever nearer.  this beautiful post from a new friend, who is also leaving her current home to join InnerCHANGE, and embrace the unknown, inspired me to share my thoughts on moving and transitions.  on my mind is this song, also appropriate for leaving a place that has my heart.

Abiding City by Sandra McCracken
Oh sweet home of love and peace
where pilgrims tired and troubled rest
into the hope of Zion we
will in Jesus' arms we will fall at last


Addictions, empty promises
This broken world just can't satisfy
A sweeter song redemption's bliss
Is sealed for us in paradise


Oh lift up your head
For the day is near
We have no abiding city here.  


Spirit heal our neighborhood
Until your Kingdom work is done
Teach us what is just and good
As we look for the city that is yet to come


Oh lift up your head
For the day is near
We have no abiding city here.  


City filled with golden light
God the builder & the architect
And when our faith has turned to sight
Oh I cannot imagine it!  


Oh lift up your head
For the day is near
We have no abiding city here.

i was sharing with another friend a few days ago the seeming irony of all this timing.  i lived in new orleans for exactly 4 years.  for the first year, i hated it most days.  well, really, it's a place that takes some getting used to...not to mention it was in full-on disaster-recovery mode then.  it doesn't function the way most "normal" cities do, and that adds to its charm and character...i just didn't realize that at the time.  God was teaching me to have grace for a place!  after the first year, those periods of wanting to leave grew further apart, and my love for the city got stronger.  the first time i learned about InnerCHANGE, in the summer of 2008, i was all set to jump in but had the sense that God was saying "not yet." and indeed, He did some amazing things in my life in new orleans after that. over time, God provided me with such a beautiful community that made it easy to call the place home.  and when moving day came, i couldn't believe i would have ever wanted to leave.   i had fought to love this place, to see what God was doing in and around me, and it felt like just when i was getting into my groove, He is calling me someplace else.  i don't doubt for one second what He is doing in leading me to South Africa--i just wish i could bring all the people dear to my heart with me there....or just be in two places at once!!

all that to say that this song reminds me that as much as i love new orleans and the life i had there, and really as much as i may grow to love soshanguve, south africa and the life that God grows there, my home is not on any earthly map.  even the best places to live don't compare to where we're headed and we are just making our way through this life as pilgrims en route to something grander and whole.

and 'til we reach that day, my prayers will continue to be "Spirit heal our neighborhoods, until your Kingdom work is done.  Teach us what is just and good, as we look for the city that is yet to come"