and now for the rest of my thoughts...

check out some pictures from my time in south africa

activities

During the day on Thursday, I drove around with Anna and two of the carers who work at the home-health NGO, Mavis & Brenda. We visited patients all throughout the township. There are a lot of sick people in Soshanguve, whether elderly with high blood pressure and no access to medicine, or people struggling with HIV and tuberculosis. The NGO that petunia and anna work with is a home health program, so each of these patients gets visited at home and their health tended to. the neat thing about visiting these patients on Thursday was that while there was initially a specific “purpose,” there was also opportunity and openness to develop a real relationship. It didn’t seem like there was the typical distance between care-provider and recipient. i watched as the carers took blood pressures, checked blood sugar, laughed, listened, and prayed. and it was so hot that work was done by 1pm.

On Thursday evening it was my turn to cook for the team. Luc was very curious and interested in learning more about my Jewish heritage so I made some jewish soul food. First started with some chicken mirabella that my mom makes deliciously, then kugel and then finished it off with the classic aunt sal’s chocolate chip cake, fresh with chocolate chips delivered from America. The meal was a delicious success, although it got stretched out to two nights because on Thursday there was a big late-afternoon thunderstorm that knocked our power out for two hours, right as I was getting ready to start cooking the kugel. There were no complaints, though, that the cultural experiment lasted longer than expected.

On Friday, I visited the National Cultural History Museum which was very interesting and informative. I learned about the history of migration into South Africa, as well as some of the background one of the most diverse neighborhoods in pretoria.

Comparisons

It was amazing to me how many similarities I found between life in the township and my life in new Orleans. Life is full and vibrant, neighbors are friendly. Many nights I fell asleep to the music and sounds of a bar near the team house. Celebrations are public, as is mourning. Just like in new Orleans when people get a DJ for any sort of event, birthday party, wedding, funeral, in Sosh events like these—whether to celebrate or mourn—are public and open to the whole neighborhood. There is a high value placed on young women having babies and new life, though also risky living when people realize that longevity cannot be taken for granted. There are old women raising grandkids. The children in the neighborhood don’t have a lot of recreational options. Addictions and distractions from daily struggles are a regular part of life. There's a strong presence of “church” culture and a strong need for the gospel to be truly lived out. Unemployment is a big problem, and that also creates opportunities for informal entrepreneurship.

Of course there are differences too, even though many people are fond of saying that New Orleans is like a third world country. Some parts of Sosh have still not been declared fit for

human habitation, which means the government does not provide basic services, like water and electricity, to those informal settlements. Many people are living in tin shacks when people are sick here, they are just as likely to visit a Sangoma as they are to visit a clinic. Speaking of clinics, for a township of over 1 million people, ther are only 4 government run health clinics. South Africa has the highest rate of HIV in the world.

One of the things about returning to South Africa was seeing how it felt, compared to the first time I had been there. And it was very interesting. At first I really couldn’t believe that I had actually made it back! After all that time of wanting to return—then it was real! It took some time into my visit to really realize some of the differences between the first time and this time. First of all, capetown seems to be very different from the northern part of the country, near Pretoria & Johannesburg. The other main thing was realizing that when I studied abroad, I lived with all other international students, many American, and surrounded myself largely with university happenings and culture. Yes I was definitely in South Africa and taking advantage of that, but I still chose to cushion myself with what was familiar and comfortable. Reflecting on this reminded me of when I was in mission year and we were challenged to really immerse ourselves in the culture and the experience. We were challenged to remember that it is so easy to go into a seemingly difficult situation yet still try to protect ourselves with the “safe” and familiar things of life. And there is nothing intrinsically wrong with doing that. But, when we cling to what we know, we miss out on what is new all around us. And that’s what I can remember of my previous time in South Africa. I don’t think I was genuinely immersed in the culture—and I don’t know how much I could have been—and that is totally the opposite of this time. The circumstances are so different, the settings so disparate,yet the temptation to stick with the “familiar” is still there.

What God is doing.

In my debrief with Luc & Petunia, we talked about what we see God doing in Sosh. He is definitely using the skills and gifts of petunia and anna to meet with the sick and not only give them medical care but also offer prayer and compassion. He is using the team as a safe place for neighborhood kids to come and study the bible as well as have fun. He is using Luc to reach men in the community, many of whom would not be the church-going type. He is using the team to develop relationships that might seem unlikely, in order to bring people closer to Himself. God is using the team to challenge many long-held cultural assumptions; a married couple that enjoys spending time together, a father who takes care of the kids and a wife who is not above doing gardening or fixing the car. Even having a white person living in the house, working as part of the team, is such a strong statement of reconciliation in the post-apartheid era in South Africa.

Next Steps

When the conversation came to “next steps” I wasn’t quite sure what to say. The team has graciously and generously offered an open door invitation for me to join them in life and work in Sosh. at the same time, they confirmed and agreed that they trust that God is in control and that He has a plan for me, so that even if I end up not moving to Sosh, they are excited to see where God is leading me.

I really enjoyed my time with the team. I did not see the clouds part and an angel descend telling me my next directives. But I know that I did not end up there randomly. Honestly, I really missed my friends and family and it really began to sink in just how FAR I was from everything that I know. I feel like I am still in a discernment period as to what God is leading me to. Really, I feel like I’m competing with my desires for personal comfort. Can I put them aside for the sake of pursuing God? Seems like such a crazy comparison when I put it on paper, but it’s a real strong pull. this visit also showed me my fondness for answers—having them, knowing them, understanding reasons behind everything. In this case though, I need to keep seeking God’s face and not just his answers. I have to trust that there may still remain some unanswered questions when I make a decision. I am generally commitment-avoidant, at least until the last minute of the deadline. I would prefer someone else making the decision for me. In this case, there are so many reasons to not move halfway across the world. At the same time, I cannot forget all that God has led me through up to this point. As a good friend reminded me, “Don’t doubt in the darkness what God gave you in the light.” Or as I read in The New Friars “The ups and downs of your emotions are no basis for determining God’s will in this matter.” I am so thankful for the time that I had with the team. I will be participating in the InnerChange Apprentice orientation beginning tomorrow afternoon, and I’m hoping that that will help clarify things for me too. Please join me in prayer for discernment and wisdom!

Thank you for all your encouragement and support on the journey so far!

on the benefits of traveller's sickness

I must confess that my major concern and anxiety (even in the face of Philippians 4) regarding my travels was getting sick. I wasn’t that nervous about my safety or if I’d get along with the other team members. I honestly wasn’t even that worried about the long flights. But, I found that after a few days of being in Soshanguve, I was nervous about every thing I put in my mouth to eat or drink. It was beginning to get a bit paralyzing! During your pre-trip visit to the travel clinic to get immunizations and other preparations, they try to scare you about all the possible risks and illnesses that could befall any innocent traveler. And I, for one, do not like getting sick. As many people know, it has gotten to the point of distancing myself when I may perchance be exposed to any number of my friends who may be sick at any given time. It definitely inhibits any potential compassion that may come from me. So at any rate, I didn’t want to get sick and I was finding it to consume much of my thoughts. I of course still wanted to enjoy myself and be immersed in the experience; I was just finding it hard to shake these fears.

And then it happened… I was getting ready to go out for a day of planned activities with Luc on Monday and bam! “the runny tummy” as the team calls it. And that was it—that did me in for the next three days. I knew it wasn’t just any random stomachache, but instead one of those that just doesn’t feel better with time and trips to the bathroom. This would just have to be suffered through. And so while I’d love to be able to recount for you what I did each day during my second week in the township, most of it was spent napping and just taking it easy to allow my body time to recover. And while I didn’t enjoy feeling ill and wouldn’t recommend it for other travelers, I can honestly look back and appreciate the experience.

i can recall wednesday morning, being so frustrated with the whole situation. Luc had planned to push Monday’s activity back to Wednesday but I was still feeling a bit weak on Wednesday. I knew in my heart and my mind that God was still in control and his plans were best, but it still irritated me. “I came all the way here to get sick?? That just seems like a waste of time!” I complained to God. It was a very tangible demonstration of when james wrote that we do not know what tomorrow will bring. in the same moment that I fretted over not understanding the bigger purpose of it all, God’s gentle voice reassured me that even if I didn’t understand it or it didn’t make sense, He still in fact had a plan, that made sense in the bigger sense, and that was all the sense that mattered. I was reminded, gently, how small and immediate-minded I am and how much bigger and eternally-focused God is. God’s plans are always better than what we can hatch up—even when we decide to do something that promotes God’s name. I don’t get the sense that God didn’t want us to do what Luc had planned, or that in some way God was trying to teach me I should not have come to South Africa at all. No, instead he used the time of doubt to make clear His control.

Another benefit of my illness, and something that I thank God for, was the opportunity to read “The New Friars”. this was a book that I had run into on several occasions and had added to the mental list of books that I wanted to read, someday. I don’t remember even how it got brought up, but Luc had it and offered to let me read it. Now, I am not a fast reader, but the task came upon me to finish a 185-page book in 4 days! That’s unheard of for me. But it pushed me to be more deeply involved and invested, instead of reading a few pages here and there and then coming back to it after a break of several days. What an amazing thing to be able to read this book which recounts stories of historical and modern friar movements that are reaching out to love the poor and marginalized in Jesus’ name. sure, I could have picked up this book at any of the other myriad times when I came across it. Surely some of what I could have read would have stuck with me. But there is something so valuable about reading a book that speaks directly to the circumstances you find yourself in. Innerchange was one of the “new friar” communities that the author profiled and indeed I witnessed firsthand this ministry on the margins.

And to be honest, it really made me question if this is something I can do. No wait, scratch that. This is NOT something I can do…though it is something that can be done through God’s power in me. Reading the descriptions of slum communities built on garbage mountains and missionaries going to join the poor in absolute desperate conditions reminded me how much I value my personal comfort. Yes I want the poorest of the poor to know Christ’s love and yes I believe that incarnating among people is the best demonstration of Jesus’ actions. But me??? Living among the garbage? Or among the shanty-tin shacks with no plumbing?? The Lord in his infinite wisdom saw to it that in my sickness, I would be afforded the chance to read this book and really crystallize some of my fears and questions about doing the type of ministry that I had come to visit. Perhaps if I had not been sick, and had not read the book, I would have glossed over some of the harder realities of life in the township. Perhaps I would have missed out on some of the conversations with the team that my reading of this book, and marinating on its examples, spurred among us.

Another reason why I’m thankful for this sickness is that it really forced me to slow down. I definitely didn’t think I was coming to South Africa for vacation and even though luc had told me about innerchange’s emphasis on “be”ing rather than “do”ing, I didn’t really know what to expect. Well every step of the way, I was reminded that the priority (in Innerchange…and in God’s kingdom) is people over programs or agendas. The priority was my wellness, not rushing along to accomplish a plan or check off to-do’s. I love restful time but I do not make it a habit. It really is missing the forest for the trees because I often find myself utterly exhausted, even though God has built into His plan a weekly time, devoted just to resting. Sometimes, when we forget that, He sends along nice little reminders to get our attention.

Another reason to be thankful for my sickness, and perhaps a theme that I have stumbled upon, is the gift of my worst fears and anxieties coming true. It’s like when I got into the car accident this summer—I realized soon after that that was my worst nightmare come true. Not only physically, but spiritually too—I had lost all control. In the case this past week with my sickness, it was exactly the thing I was hoping and praying did not happen. This could turn us again to why’s, especially because I know there were others in fact praying for this too. Well, it doesn’t convince me that God does not answer prayers. No, like I said before, I think God answered these prayers in the way that was best. We are limited in our perspective, so we are limited in our prayers. That is why he says he’ll give us abundantly more than we could ask or imagine—our little minds can’t handle His goodness! So, I was afraid of getting sick and then it happened. And I survived. Should this give me an invincible attitude always? Not necessarily. I don’t think this implies some sort of special magical anointing that means that bad things will never happen to me. But I do think it’s a pretty clear and good signal that even when bad things happen, those things do not have the last word. does that mean that the things that I fear will not happen? Or that my mind’s power will in fact continue to bring them to bear? Or that God was somehow punishing me for something? No, I don’t think so. But this builds my faith that even when my “worst-case-scenarios” become reality, God is still faithful and has not changed. He is with me all along and compassionate to me.

happy new year from soshanguve!

HAPPY 2010!!!!

it is hot hot hot here--weather.com says it is 84 degrees and there is no air conditioning, so i feel every bit of that heat! i thought the recent moderate temps in new orleans would prepare me for this, but i guess you never really get used to it. luc & petunia & anna have been such great hosts to me in my time here. it feels like i've been here longer than 3 1/2 days. here's a run down of what i've been doing so far...

on wednesday, my first full day here, luc gave me a tour of the township. we talked about the history and all the different sections and it was very interesting. this place is huge! there is a mix of brick houses, like where luc & petunia live, and shacks, all scattered throughout soshanguve. the land used to be farmland so there is still a lot of open space. this township wasn't recognized as a human settlement until 1974, which means that although there were already people living in informal settlements on the land before that, it wasn't until then that the government stated providing basic services like electricity and water. the township is still expanding even now, with new houses being constructed all around the edges. there are some sections that are very poor and some that are middle and even upper-middle class. one of the wealthiest men in soshanguve lives at the end of our street, and there is a large gate in front of his house. he has 4 wives and each of them has a house like that in various parts of the township. we rode on several taxis, and if you've never been to africa or any other developing country i suppose, you need to know that these are not like american taxis. these are little mini-buses and they pack people in and travel all over the township. riding them is defintely an adventure! luc and i went to the center of the township, with the train station and the marketplace and it was bustling with activity! later in the afternoon, i went with petunia and anna to visit some of their friends in the township. there are a bunch of languages spoken here, so i didnt really know what was being said most of the time but everyone was very friendly and having a good time :)

afternoon naps here are a must, and i won't complain about that! after our tour of the township, luc and i came back to the house to rest. luc reminded me that one of the values of innerchange is not always trying to be busy, but instead allowing time to just be. as vague as that may sound, i think it's healthy and will definitely take work (ironic!) since it seems so opposite from my instincts. it's not that there is much i can do here now, but just the urge to stay busy, or be using every second of my time "efficiently" will be a challenge to overcome. this is not to say that people here are just lazy, just that the focus is not so much on go-go-go-do-do-do all the time.

yesterday we relaxed in the morning, with time to reflect and process all that i had learned and seen on wednesday. in the afternoon, we headed out to pretoria for some more training. luc took us to several different locations in the city as we studied psalm 121 and talked about dependence on God. we visited the Union Buildings, which is like the White House of South Africa. they have some beautiful gardens and we saw 2 newlywed couples taking pictures there! We also visited UNISA which is the largest distance-learning institution in the southern hemisphere. classes are not in session, as it is summertime here, so we sat atop the quiet campus which overlooks the city. then we headed over to the South African Reserve Bank in the middle of the city. it has some nice fountains and benches, but in the past few years they have erected an iron gate so people can't really loiter. next we drove over to the headquarters for military recruitment and then finally to Church Square, with a statue of Paul Kruger. This little tour was not only to give a feeling for Pretoria, but also to remind us to rely on God in all that we do. we were brought to different symbols of power--political, intellectual, financial, military, and the power of the past--and discussed, reflected, and prayed about God's power in and above all those. we were reminded to trust and rely primarily on God, not just on the assets he gives us or the institutions that society is built on, but on Him and his power and his actions. i was really encouraged to remember this: "The LORD will keep you from all harm— he will watch over your life; the LORD will watch over your coming and going both now and forevermore." Psalm 121:7-8 amen!

after our training was finished, we went to an area of the city called sunnyside for dinner. we had a nice meal and as we ate, our new year's entertainment began.

after that we dropped luc off at church so he could pray-in the new year and petunia, anna, and i tried to find some fireworks. usually there is a big display in church square, but we learned that the mayor cancelled it this year because the city is in debt! so we ended up back at sunnywide with a bunch of other people setting off sparklers in the street and yelling "Happpeeeee! Haapppeeeeee!" it was fun times! check out my pictures. (it takes too much bandwidth to upload the pics at normal size and i haven't quite figured out how to resize them in the right way, so that's why some of them look so small. if you know how to upload them smaller, but still get them to appear normal size on my picasa album, please let me know!)


since the new year started, i slept til 12:30 in the afternoon and then we've just been lounging around all day. it's too hot to do much and apparently on new year's the whole township sleeps til 5pm. smart!!

hope the new year has begun well for you!