Book Corner: The Prodigal God by Tim Keller

I’ll start by saying I really liked this book.  I guess I was predisposed to liking it because I had heard about it and looked forward to finally reading it.  But it did not disappoint.  Tim Keller unpacks the familiar story of the prodigal son (Luke 15) and applies it to the whole story of the Gospel.  He really breaks it down so that each chapter of the book looks at one particular aspect of the parable—from the audience listening to Jesus, to each character in the story, to the larger lessons we can learn about our own hearts. 

He started with a definition of prodigal, which was important because if the common understanding of the “prodigal son” label implies someone irresponsible and selfish then it is somewhat alarming to couple that term with God, as in the title of the book.  But, Keller provides some insight in the books’ introduction:

    

     “The word ‘prodigal’ does not mean ‘wayward’ but, according to Merriam-Webster’s Collegiate    

     Dictionary, ‘recklessly spendthrift.’ It means to spend until you have nothing left.  This term is therefore  

     as appropriate for describing the father in the story as his younger son.  The father’s welcome to the  

     repentant son was literally reckless, because he refused to ‘reckon’ or count his sin against him or demand  

     repayment…prod-i-gal: recklessly extravagant; having spent everything. “ 

As Keller extrapolates, that word can have different connotations, depending on whose “everything” was spent, and the longer-term consequences. 

I also liked how Keller broke the story down not just as an exposition about the younger son in the parable, but rightly points to Christ’s teaching of this story about two sons.  The story is as much about the older son as it is about the younger.  I have heard some teachings in the past which included a look at both brothers, and since I most relate to the legalistic tendencies of the older, I appreciated the full treatment that Keller gives. 

Now for a smattering of some particularly good & convicting passages from the book...

Both Wrong; Both Loved (pp 44-47)

Jesus does not divide the world into the moral “good guys” and the immoral “bad guys.”  He shows us that everyone is dedicated to a project of self-salvation, to using God and others in order to get power and control for themselves.  We are just going about it in different ways.  Even though both sons are wrong, however, the father cares for them and invites them both back into his love and feast.

                This means that Jesus’ message, which is “the gospel,” is a completely different spirituality.  The gospel of Jesus is not religion or irreligion, morality or immorality, moralism or relativism, conservatism or liberalism.  Nor is it something halfway along a spectrum between two poles—it is something else altogether.

                The gospel is distinct from the other two approaches: In its view, everyone is wrong, everyone is loved, and everyone is called to recognize this and change.  By contrast, elder brothers divide the world in two: “The good people (like us) are in and the bad people, who are the real problem with the world, are out.”  Younger brothers, even if they don’t believe in God at all, do the same thing, saying: “No, the open-minded and tolerant people are in and the bigoted, narrow-mined people, who are the real problem with the world, are out.”

                But Jesus says: “The humble are in and the proud are out” (see Luke 18:14 & Luke 5:32).  The people who confess they aren’t particularly good or open-minded are moving toward God, because the prerequisite for receiving the grace of God is to know you need it.  The people who think they are just fine, thank you, are moving away from God.  “The Lord…cares for the humble, but he keeps his distance from the proud” (Psalm 138:6)…

                Although the sons are both wrong and both loved, the story does not end on the same note for each.  Why does Jesus construct the story so that one of them is saved, restored to a right relationship with the father, and one of them is not? (At least, not before the story ends.) It may be that Jesus is trying to say that while both forms of the self-salvation project are equally wrong, each one is not equally dangerous.  One of the ironies of the parable is now revealed.  The younger son’s flight from the father was crashingly obvious.  He left the father literally, physically, and morally.  Though the older son stayed at home, he was actually more distant and alienated from the father than his brother, because he was blind to his true condition.  He would have been horribly offended by the suggestion that he was rebelling against the father’s authority and love, but he was, deeply. 

 *     *     *

“We habitually and instinctively look to other things besides God and his grace as our justification, hope, significance, and security.  We believe the gospel at one level, but at deeper levels we do not.  Human approval, professional success, power and influence, family and clan identity—all of these things serve as our heart’s ‘functional trust’ rather than what Christ has done, and as a result we continue to be driven to a great degree by fear, anger, and a lack of self-control.  You cannot change such things through mere willpower, through learning Biblical principles and trying to carry them out.  We can only change permanently as we take the gospel more deeply into our understanding and into our hearts.  We must feed on the gospel, as it were, digesting it and making it part of ourselves.  That is how we grow." (p.115)

“The elder brother’s problem is his self-righteousness, the way he uses his moral record to put God and others in his debt to control them and get them to do what he wants.  His spiritual problem is the radical insecurity that comes from basing his self-image on achievements and performance, so he must endlessly prop up his sense of righteousness by putting others down and finding fault…To find God we must repent of the things we have done wrong, but if that is all you do, you may remain just an elder brother.  To truly become Christians we must also repent of the reasons we ever did anything right.  Pharisees only repent of their sins, but Christians repent for the very roots of their (self-) righteousness, too.  We must learn how to repent of the sin under all our other sins and under all our “righteousness” —the sin of seeking to be our own Savior and Lord.”  (pp 77-78)

“How can the inner workings of the heart be changed from a dynamic fear and anger to that of love, joy, and gratitude?  Here is how.  You need to be moved by the sight of what it cost to bring you home… You need to see how GREAT is our outstanding debt and distance from God and how GREAT is Christ’s willingness and action to make it right.  ” (pp 85-86)

“Jesus Christ, who had all the power in the world, saw us enslaved by the very things we thought would free us.  So he emptied himself of his glory and became a servant (Philippians 2).  He laid aside the infinities and immensities of his being and, at the cost of his life, paid the debt for our sins, purchasing us the only place our hearts can rest, in his Father’s house.”  (p 87)

“If the Lord of the universe loves us enough to experience this for us, what are we afraid of?”

“…the Cross proves God’s care for you and gives you all the security you need.”

“…all change comes from deepening your understanding of the salvation of Christ and living out of the changes that understanding creates in your heart.  Faith in the gospel restructures our motivations, our self-understanding, our identity, and our view of the world.  Behavioral compliance to rules without heart-change will be superficial and fleeting.”

I highly recommend The Prodigal God by Tim Keller.  On the surface it's an easy read, but without rushing to get through it, we can come out with some real heart change.  

All excerpts taken from Keller, Timothy. The Prodigal God. New York: Dutton, 2008

the Christmas stairway

in church this advent season, we have been going through a series called "Christmas in Genesis." it has been really neat to see illustrations and foreshadowing of the Christmas story in the first book of the bible.  it's not normally the place that one might turn to remember the story of baby Jesus, but he's in there, if we have the eyes to see! 

last week we looked at the story of Jacob & the stairway to heaven.  commonly referred to as Jacob's ladder, the pastor first reminded us that the image is not actually a ladder, but some stairs. that distinction is important, because as a ladder, we think it represents how we must struggle and climb our way up to God in some unreachable place.  but in fact, Jacob's vision is one of movement both up and down the stairs.  he sees angels ascending all the way up to heaven, and angels also descending the stairs to earth.  this is a picture of God's work--the angels are the messengers of God's love and plans and as they are directed by God, they come to earth to act and as they finish their task, they head back up to heaven.

but, the angels are not the only ones occupying these stairs.  from heaven, God speaks to Jacob and says: I am with you. I will watch over you and protect you.  I will not leave you until I have done what I promised to you.  when Jacob woke from his sleep, he knew that surely God was with him.

as the pastor was delivering his sermon, i was thinking about one of my first experiences reading about Jacob, several years ago.  i remembered when i first read through Genesis and i got really hung up on this guy.  the story of him & his stairway vision comes immediately after he has stolen his brother's birthright and fled to avoid his father's punishment.  he is a deceitful trickster and i could not wrap my head around why in the world God would give him such significant blessing (not only here, but also when God wrestles with him and renames him Israel.)  can't God see how bad and undeserving Jacob is, i thought?  what is going on here???

and what i didn't know then was GRACE.  i didn't see then how Jacob's mischief and hardness of heart is a picture of mine and the very same promises God makes to Jacob can actually be mine too.  how?  only by God's outrageous grace and redemption.  the thing that upset me about Jacob was that i felt that he represented the world of "bad people" and, knowing i represented the world of "good people," i worried about this upside-down-nature of what God was doing.   is He rewarding sin?  but no!  it's by his mercy and kindness that we are led to repentance.  He chooses the foolish things of the world, the things we would cast-off and discount, as the vessels for his power and glory. 

God delights in lavishing his grace and mercy on those who don't deserve it.....which is all of us!  He loves making his riches known in situations where human wisdom can't find a way out. my gut-reaction to Jacob is not all wrong--he is in fact a bad guy. i held him at arm's length because i could not fathom a God doing good for bad people.  but, that is the crux of God's heart!  that is the moral of the whole story, the key to humility and transformation. we need to see Jacob's sin, and our own, to understand how unbelievable it is that God would come to rescue us. will we have the eyes to see our family resemblance to Jacob?

in Jacob's vision, God was still up in heaven, speaking down to him.  but at Christmas, we see the full completion of this story.  when Jesus calls several of his disciples, He amazes them by knowing things about them they didn't tell him directly.  He assures them that that is not the most amazing thing they will see him do. He then added, "Very truly I tell you, you will see 'heaven open, and the angels of God ascending and descending on' the Son of Man." (John 1:43-51)  do you see the fulfillment of Jacob's vision?  Jesus says that He himself IS the very stairway upon which angels go up and down, the stairway that connects heaven to earth, at the top of which is God looking down with love and grace on his people. Jesus is the incarnation of that grace and mercy God spoke to Jacob in his vision. Jesus is God with us, keeping his promises to lead and protect us.  it is a sort of an odd image to picture Jesus as a stairway, but that's what He's saying--He is the very connection between man and God.  and Christmas is the time when God made that definitive act of grace, coming to Earth in the form of his son, to be with us, to save us Jacobs from our sin and deliver us from God's just wrath.  the real gift of Christmas is God giving himself to liars and tricksters and sinners like Jacob and you and me!

God does not give us a ladder, which we must climb by our own efforts to reach him.  He gives us a stairway, and He descends to rescue us.  may this Christmas be a time we remember and celebrate God's radical love.

complain much? you're in good company.

so i'm reading through exodus.  God has just dazzled pharaoh and the egyptians, not to mention his own people, with plagues of increasing intensity, eventually securing the release of the hebrews from slavery in egypt.  if that weren't enough, he led them by pillars of cloud and fire through the wilderness, promising to bring them to a new land.  only one thing stood in their way--that pesky little red sea. so, He did what He had to do: split the sea and led His people through on dry land.  as the egyptians pursued, the walls of water crashed in on them, drowning the enemies for good.  Moses & his sister Miriam respond by leading the people in great songs of adoration and praise for God's mighty act of salvation.

and what happens next?  the israelites start to complain.  that's right, they complain! can you imagine? they even tell Moses that they should have been left alone to die in Egypt--at least there they had food and drink.

as i read and reflect on this passage, i see my heart going in two directions.
first, i cannot believe or understand why the israelites would complain.  don't they see God's desire and active will to save them?  don't they see His ongoing mercy?  don't they realize that the very same God who parted the seas and freed them from centuries-long slavery would certainly give them what they needed to survive?  did they really think God had led them through all that just to abandon them in the wilderness?

and then, that quiet but persistent reminder in my heart tells me that i am not that different from the complaining israelites.  was this passage included in scripture for us to read and tout our superiority?  no, i think it was included so that we could see our place among the israelites--not just in God's acts of favor, but also in short-sightedness and forgetfulness. sure it would be easy to tell myself that i, unlike the israelites, always remember God's faithfulness and never doubt it will come again.  easy, maybe. but completely honest? not so much.  my complaints might not sound exactly like theirs, and they may not come right on the heels of miraculous sea-parting, but surely they come.  and not only do i have the record of the sea-parting to remind me of God's might and power, but also the whole rest of history...not to mention the miracles and provision i have seen from God in my own life.  what right do i have to complain?  why do i so often forget?

the other place my mind goes when thinking about my complaining brethren is to an assumption of God's response.  considering my instinctive reaction to the israelites' complaints, i want to run with that exasperation and say "fine, you don't see all that God is doing?  then you don't get anything else good!"  but what does God say?  "I am going to rain bread from heaven for you, and each day the people shall go out and gather enough for that day." (Exodus 16)

we have probably all experienced ungrateful people, often exaggerated by our estimation of whether or not that other person's ungratefulness is justified or not.  the last thing i want to do for someone who is ungrateful, particularly following an especially sacrificial thing that i may have done for them, is do more.  the last thing i want to feel is even more unappreciated.  but thankfully, God's heart is much richer in grace and mercy than mine!!  what does God do when he hears the complaints of his people?  he gives more, he gives what they need.  and therein is the other lesson for me--not only do i get a reflection of my heart's own faithless tendency to complain and doubt, but also a stunning picture of the mercy and compassion that our Father gives to unrighteous complainers like us.  hold out love and blessing until they realize what fools they've become and come crawling back to apologize?  no!  surely this does not give us a picture of a push-over God--he can do what He wants to do. yes, He could have withheld blessing to teach the israelites a lesson in keeping their complaints to themselves.  but here we see that He does what He really wants to do--provide for His people, even in the midst of their doubt and foolishness and forgetfulness of His good and always-sufficient nearness.

how can i respond like this?  i pray for my instincts to change, to be able to respond with mercy & compassion when my nature often compels me to turn away from those in need or shake them until they realize how blessed they already are.  how can i learn to complain less and find contentment more?  i pray for my heart to hold on to the abundance of God's grace, and all the ways i've seen that, instead of clinging desperately to the cultural messages of scarcity and greed.

particularly in this season of all-consuming materialism, let us humbly learn from our israelite ancestors and rejoice in God's abundant provision and love, which never forgets or abandons us.

The Heart of the Golden Rule

The Grace of God in our Circumstances: Why you weren't Born as an Impoverished Child in an Unreached Nation

Why was I born into such privilege when most of the world wasn't?

How am I using what I was born into to do unto others what I would have them do unto me?

How can I translate that into thanksgiving?

Good questions to ponder...and then to act upon!

like a dagger to my heart, the Truth

whenever i finally sit down and catch up on the hordes of blog subscriptions that i generally neglect for months at a time, i inevitably end up with several that just really hit me in a deep, good way.  so, as a way of reminding myself and sharing with you, i've re-posted them here. (Click on the title of the first two articles for full text.)

The Costume Kingdom (Paul Tripp) 

Love Warns, Love Rebukes (Paul Tripp)

Prayer Answered by Crosses (John Newton)

I asked the Lord that I might grow

In faith and love and every grace,

Might more of his salvation know,

And seek more earnestly his face.

‘Twas he who taught me thus to pray;

And he, I trust, has answered prayer;

But it has been in such a way

As almost drove me to despair.

I hoped that, in some favoured hour,

At once he’d answer my request,

And by his love’s constraining power

Subdue my sins, and give me rest.

Instead of this, he made me feel

The hidden evils of my heart,

And let the angry powers of hell

Assault my soul in every part.

Yea, more, with his own hand he seemed 

Intent to aggravate my woe,

Crossed all the fair designs I schemed,

Blasted my gourds, and laid me low.

Lord, why is this? I trembling cried;

Wilt thou pursue this worm to death?

This is the way, the Lord replied 

I answer prayer for grace and faith.

These inward trials I now employ

From self and pride to set thee free, 

And break thy schemes of earthly joy,

That thou may’st seek thy all in me.

friends, let us not choose comfort over truth. 

other peoples' thoughts

wanted to share a few articles that i have read lately that have stuck with me...


Community Catalysts
this is actually a really good follow up to my last post, and a good reminder that being distinctive and different in a neighborhood can be good! while there are serious issues of difference that incarnational re-locators must wrestle with, blending in completely is not necessarily effective for joining in the work of the Kingdom.

"Humility is a critical element for incarnational communities of people who have relocated and the inclusion of people from the wider community into the community of relocators can be important. But the thing that makes communities catalytic is not that they become the same as the surrounding community, but that they remain distinctive.

A catalyst changes things, not because it is identical to the other elements in a reaction, but precisely because it is different. In fact a very small amount of catalyst can dramatically promote or inhibit a reaction. The presence of a catalyst changes an environment.

These communities often live prophetically - becoming the change needed in an area, but they rarely really look much like the community in which they are planted.  

 For sure our ethnic, class, and power differences need to be viewed with a healthy dose of caution. We must be vigilant in addressing the messianic complex which can accompany groups who choose a life of incarnational mission. We must live lives of reconciliation in every place humans have put up walls. But I can no longer dismiss a community automatically just because it doesn’t look just like the neighborhood in which it lives. In the presence of humility, reconciliation, grace and peace – differences can be catalytic."

South African "Idol"
a little peek into cultural goings-on in South Africa and a reminder that race is (still) a (big) issue there, 16 years after the official end of apartheid. and oh yeah, the white guy won.

"The real issue is socio-economic. It's about who can pay for TV and who can't. Black folks comprise almost 80% of our population, but in M-Netland they comprise only 17% of Idols viewers. And audiences want to see themselves on TV."

The dangerous side of volunteering
another interesting peek into some of the issues that I will probably face when I get to South Africa. the ironic thing about this piece is that these potential harms of short-term volunteering exist everywhere, whether the volunteers come from america or zambia, and are serving in new orleans or the netherlands.  having committed to living in places of need, i have seen first-hand the effects of well-intentioned people who send a message by forming deep bonds and then leaving soon after. i have experienced the effects of abandonment with children who don't understand why everyone who says they care keeps leaving.  this was even something i wrestled with upon my leaving new orleans--is this how my friends there would see me?  and now to see it in light of where i'm going, i have to keep it at the front of my mind when i think about whether i'm serving for my own benefit, or for the good of others.

"The psychological literature talks about attachment theory — very young children are programmed to build attachments… And so, you've got these sort of repeated abandonments — first with young children whose parents may die of AIDS. And then they go to live in an orphanage where you often have high staff turnover.  And then you've got tourists that are coming as sort of the third wave of this abandonment. Children are left behind to remember a series of these foreigners who come in and then leave them there…"   

why i love psychology
i found this so fascinating because it is such a true picture of the human mind, and the way we justify things--mostly our own behavior.  i know this is true of myself, so to see it verified and studied is very reassuring.  it confirms that i'm not alone in the way i'd like to manipulate my own memory, or self-perception. we really would like to believe that if we've ever been bad, at least that was in the past, our "old selves;" we are constantly improving and our "good deeds" more readily fill recent history. our good-ness is closer to who we are today, so we tell ourselves.  this research confirms, though, that no, actually, we're not as good as we'd like to convince others...or ourselves.  but, there's hope, as the scientists point out that our minds often tend to create future selves even better than we are now, demonstrating an appetite for redemption.

“Now, scientists are beginning to learn how memory assists and even amplifies this righteous self-messaging.  In piecing together a life story, the mind nudges moral lapses back in time and shunts good deeds forward, these new studies suggest — creating, in effect, a doctored autobiography. Recognizing this tendency in oneself, psychologists say, can both reduce the risk of lapsing into middle-aged sanctimony and increase moral vigilance for when it matters most: the present.

 ‘The main finding is that if I ask you to tell me about a positive moral memory, you’ll tell me something recent,’ Dr. Escobedo said. ‘If I ask you to tell me about bad moral memory, you’re going to give me something from much further in the past.’

Future selves may score the best reviews of all, said David Dunning, a social psychologist at Cornell. ‘People seem to situate themselves in time differently than they do others,’ Dr. Dunning wrote in an e-mail. ‘Ask students what’s important for gaining an accurate impression of them and they emphasize more their unwritten future potential than they do when asked the same question about another person. We presume that future potential is more rosy than the past is.’"

"Radical Friendship"

 Excerpts taken from a piece written by Rev. Dr. Donna Jones of Cookman United Methodist Church in Philadelphia, as printed in the Spring 2010 edition of Conspire Magazine.


       I used to know how to preach to my church during Black History Month.  We'd dress in our finest garb and process to the beats of DNA-memory in our bones, singing the songs that have brought us through.  It was the one time a year to celebrate being black; to remember ancestors gone by and saints still present...These services were cultural icons for me.
       Or at least they used to be.  That was before my church's pilgrimage from 100 percent African American, to now 70 percent African American and 30 percent other (white, asian, bi-racial). I can no longer assume any shared gut-DNA.  Even my sermon themes are different.
       Take a few weeks ago.  I was preaching reconciliation, trying to make the experience of the church at Corinth--the struggles to build gospel koinonia across ethnic, class, and religious lines--real to my congregation.  "What do you feel when folks of different races and classes move into this neighborhood?" I asked, almost innocently.  "Do they become friends?"
       Pain in the room, but honesty, too.  "No."
       "Why not?"
       "Because they have come to 'help.'"
       The response of our African-American congregants was visceral.  It speaks powerfully of the inequality of social relationships between groups in this nation.


       Whether real or perceived, we don't feel like equals.  There's long history in some of our bones of being viewed as lower-status, incapable persons whose needs are met by getting something from higher-status persons.  There's a long history in some of our bones of feeling privileged, and needing to assuage that karmic good fortune by sharing resources (money, education, energy, and even ourselves) with the "underprivileged."
       Theologians and activists Ched Myers and Elaine Enns suggest that in his two letters to the Corinthians, Paul advocates "patronage from below"--upside-down relationships where power, prestige, and privilege are turned around to create space for "social solidarity."  Corinthians is our book of radical desegregation and reconciliation.
       Social solidarity is relationship, and relationship is radical.  It is very different from reverse patronage, which is what I call the dynamic when racially-aware and well-meaning pilgrims of privilege try to balance power by staying in the background, avoiding leadership, and consciously or subconsciously withholding resources.  Reverse patronage is usually at work when folks of privilege move in to serve or live in a low-income neighborhood, bringing their wealth and social resources to an area devoid of them.  It's behind emails and Facebook postings in which those well-meaning folk tell stories of how much more they have received (from the apparently lower-status crew) in response to their offering.  In exchange, they receive character gains to their account: love, instruction in some of the realities of poverty, the coolness of slumming it, and admiration from their community.
       I sometimes hear well-intentioned, privileged parents admonish children who are embarking on a mission trip to "elsewhere" (some urban, rural, or foreign working or poor community): "You will get so much more out of the experience than you give."  I cringe.  We are caught in the terms of barter, and my people are again at the bottom of the equation: still giving more.


       Simply sharing neighborhoods with one another doesn't work to create the radical beloved community articulated by Martin Luther King, Jr. and enfleshed by Jesus.  And simply inviting diverse folk to the meetings, the demos, and the campaigns certainly doesn't work.  We need another way.
       I believe what works is true friendship--a friendship that comes from empathetic relationship-building over time.  Friendship allows for empathy instead of sympathy.
       ...My elders believed that removing the legal U.S. apartheid system would fling wide the door of hospitality and friendship, casting out the fears fueled by prejudice and replacing them with respect, affirmations of capability, and shared creativity.  Forty years later, it hasn't yet worked out that way.  U.S. citizens remain separate and unequal by race in all quality-of-life indicators (health, education, housing, jobs, economic development, literacy.)  What is a vision that will now move us toward healing?
       Downwardly-mobile pilgrims of privilege who relocate to marginalized neighborhoods certainly model  relocation strategy that moves us past our centuries of legally enforced desegregation.  However, when relationship-building does not occur at a level strong enough to desegregate friendships, we remain segregated.
       Our community's experience of relocators is that they usually reside for a season, and typically maintain their original support systems from afar.  Eventually, personal variables--or plain old "movement frustration"--cause them to leave the neighborhood for more familiar or homogeneous urban, suburban, or rural surroundings.  This "move on" syndrome points to the inescapable power difference between these pilgrim residents and those rooted to the neighborhood.  Those who come in have the economic, relational, and social capital to leave when they choose.


       We need to build reciprocal relationships while remaining conscious of power dynamics.  Empowerment issues are real, but when one group holds back in order to ensure balance of power, benefits (in relationship, resources, wisdom, and strategy) are lost on all sides.  We must all give one hundred percent, and we must offer that from friendship and relationship.  Friendship is reciprocal.  Friendship is meaningful, faithful, and artful.  Friendship is challenging.  Friendship is loving.  Friends make mistakes, but speaking the truth in love, friends forgive, heal, and make mistakes again.  We must forge ahead with the social mess of friend-ness.  
       Ultimately, we will have to learn to gather as friends, as neighbors.  We must join organizations not to integrate them (and certainly not to "help" them), but rather because we share their goals.  We'll have to hang out.  Go to the parties.  Attend the weddings and stay for the reception...
       Church is a great place to become friends.  It offers a unique social environment, rooted and grounded in love, for the purpose of creating family beyond birth-ties.  What could happen if Christian communities truly, radically desegregated?  Miracles.  
       This is difficult, and it will cost us.  Institutional ethnic churches exist for an important socio-political purpose.  They have been places of refuge where we could experience solidarity in our DNA memories, or wrestle with the oppression of systems without having to explain our pain...
       But I think the gain will be worth it.  The last few decades have seen radical disciples moving into marginalized neighborhoods as part of a very necessary and helpful pilgrim journey towards liberation from oppression.  Going forward, our challenge will be to move toward intimacy and rootedness in those neighborhoods.  This is a road less travelled, and its pilgrims will experience joy, challenge, pain, misunderstanding, conflict, alienation, recovery, triumph.  We can trace the beginning of that story in letters to the Corinthians, but I think it will end in Beloved Community. 

_______________________________

       When I first read this piece several months ago, so many things in my heart rang in agreement with what Rev. Jones wrote.  There is so much that I have pursued in my life that mirrors her call to the Church, but I have also been the one excitedly proclaiming how much more I received than I gave while living and serving in marginalized communities.  I have taken advantage of the subtle power dynamics at play.  And none of this was intended as harm, but seeing my self reflected in these words was eye-opening.  
       I had an experience during my time in Oakland which made me wonder if my neighbors would ever really truly see me as one of "them."  Despite appearances and some obvious differences, I really wanted to blend in and become a part of the community.  I didn't want to stick out, I didn't want my differences to send a message of superiority.  I have seen that while this desire to blend may have been coming from a good place, there is a difference between trying live as poor versus living among the poor.  The interwebs tells me that "among" is defined as being surrounded by or in the company of, or being a member of a larger set.  And that is what I desire.  Of course, to authentically live among any group of people different from one's natural environment, one must take certain efforts to sacrifice or blend to some degree.  But the point is not to deny everything I am to become something that my neighbors know I'm really not; the point is to dive in and immerse in a different kind of life in order to be counted as a friend with those who are different from me.  
       As I look forward to moving into Soshanguve, I must remember the Rev. Jones's points about friendship in order to keep my inclination towards power in check.  I know there will be very little opportunity for me to "blend in" with my neighbors, and in fact any attempts to do so will probably stand out even more.  But, I am hopeful for chances to become friends, to be given the gift of invitation into another person's life.  Not because I have the answers, or because my worth is in helpfulness or access to resources; but because in friendship I can reflect Christ's heart for each one of us...that we would be drawn together, and to Him, in love and humility.  

sometimes prayers have more than one answer

An Open Letter to St. Roch Community Church

August 29, 2010

         About 5 1/2 years ago, I didn't know what church was really meant for.  I was attending a mega-church about 30 miles from where I lived.  Honestly, I enjoyed the anonymity of worshiping with 2,000 other people.  No one knew my name, or my junk.  In January 2005, a woman who I had just met prayed for me and put into words what I didn't know I was missing--church as a family, an intimate body, a group of people who know & care about you.  That prayer was a sign of God doing something and leading me on a course that is still going to this day. 

       Soon after that, I stopped attending the mega-church and found a cool little church-plant in Chicago that was all about racial reconciliation and other Kingdom-oriented things.  The people were nice and I thought my prayer had been answered.  

       Then I moved to Oakland for Mission Year and my team was assigned to work & worship with a traditional style Missionary Baptist church in the 'hood.  My four white teammates and I stuck out like a bunch of sore thumbs, but that church welcomed & loved us as if we had been there our whole lives.  A year later when we were leaving Oakland, I remember tearing up and thanking that congregation for really showing me what church could be--a family, a home filled with love.  I thought my prayer was answered.  

     Then I moved to New Orleans and didn't know what to expect.  Some of my first friends recommended a presbyterian church uptown.  This was like the polar opposite cultural experience from Oakland, but this body was equally as warm and inviting--and I don't think it's just because I was in the city as a volunteer.  This intimate congregation was a real family and people genuinely cared about each other.  Wow, I thought, God is really answering this prayer in even more unexpected ways!  

      At the same time, I began hearing the murmurings of a dream, a vision to plant a new church on the other side of town, a church that would serve & preach the gospel in word and action, intentionally loving neighbors who looked different from each other, in order to restore dignity & leadership to transform the community.  Little did I know how it would look 4 years later!

      St. Roch Community Church has become my community and my family.  I am proud to claim and identify myself with this group of people.  I am known here, junk and all, and still loved!  There were many days when I was frustrated with the work or didn't understand why certain things happened, and I was always and constantly challenged, encouraged, and pushed to see beyond myself.  God is indeed doing something, indeed building this church.  He has allowed his spirit to fill this body with Truth and grace, love and compassion.  I feel I have learned so much more than I could have taught.  This church is a living example of God's abundant grace & mercy.  There is a real authenticity to the depths of relationship and love here--it's a love that sees & speaks Truth, builds up and does not pursue its own agenda.  

    The friendships I have here, this body, defies odds & stereotypes and really is like a breeze from heaven.  I shared at Thanksgiving that this type of thing doesn't just happen everyday.  Look around and remember that God has something special going on here.  If those other churches along the way had been God's only answer to my prayer, that would have been enough.  But how do I express my gratefulness for what He has done here, in me?  It is truly a gift to call you my family, my home; God's goodness is all over this place.

      It is bittersweet for me to know I must leave my family here.  But I know God's work will continue.  There will surely be tests & trials ahead but I believe that God will not abandon this work that He has begun.  This church is a part of me and I know I leave some of my heart here.  It is with joy and hope and eager anticipation that I will continue to pray for God to use this body to touch lives, neighborhoods, this city, and beyond.  I feel great joy & humility & honor to be sent out on behalf of St. Roch Community Church, and to see God's Kingdom continue to advance!  I love y'all!!!   

with Love, 

emily

reflections on leaving New Orleans...

i have been a jumble of emotions since about mid-August as my new-orleans-departure date drew ever nearer.  this beautiful post from a new friend, who is also leaving her current home to join InnerCHANGE, and embrace the unknown, inspired me to share my thoughts on moving and transitions.  on my mind is this song, also appropriate for leaving a place that has my heart.

Abiding City by Sandra McCracken
Oh sweet home of love and peace
where pilgrims tired and troubled rest
into the hope of Zion we
will in Jesus' arms we will fall at last


Addictions, empty promises
This broken world just can't satisfy
A sweeter song redemption's bliss
Is sealed for us in paradise


Oh lift up your head
For the day is near
We have no abiding city here.  


Spirit heal our neighborhood
Until your Kingdom work is done
Teach us what is just and good
As we look for the city that is yet to come


Oh lift up your head
For the day is near
We have no abiding city here.  


City filled with golden light
God the builder & the architect
And when our faith has turned to sight
Oh I cannot imagine it!  


Oh lift up your head
For the day is near
We have no abiding city here.

i was sharing with another friend a few days ago the seeming irony of all this timing.  i lived in new orleans for exactly 4 years.  for the first year, i hated it most days.  well, really, it's a place that takes some getting used to...not to mention it was in full-on disaster-recovery mode then.  it doesn't function the way most "normal" cities do, and that adds to its charm and character...i just didn't realize that at the time.  God was teaching me to have grace for a place!  after the first year, those periods of wanting to leave grew further apart, and my love for the city got stronger.  the first time i learned about InnerCHANGE, in the summer of 2008, i was all set to jump in but had the sense that God was saying "not yet." and indeed, He did some amazing things in my life in new orleans after that. over time, God provided me with such a beautiful community that made it easy to call the place home.  and when moving day came, i couldn't believe i would have ever wanted to leave.   i had fought to love this place, to see what God was doing in and around me, and it felt like just when i was getting into my groove, He is calling me someplace else.  i don't doubt for one second what He is doing in leading me to South Africa--i just wish i could bring all the people dear to my heart with me there....or just be in two places at once!!

all that to say that this song reminds me that as much as i love new orleans and the life i had there, and really as much as i may grow to love soshanguve, south africa and the life that God grows there, my home is not on any earthly map.  even the best places to live don't compare to where we're headed and we are just making our way through this life as pilgrims en route to something grander and whole.

and 'til we reach that day, my prayers will continue to be "Spirit heal our neighborhoods, until your Kingdom work is done.  Teach us what is just and good, as we look for the city that is yet to come"

a few months ago i started working on a post titled "where did april go" but i suppose now i could make that "where did april, may, and half of june go?" 

for those who are wondering, i am still sweatin' it out in the big easy.  my proposed plan at this point is to be in new orleans until mid to late august, then head back up to chicago for several months. i hope to reach my funding goal by the end of september, and once full support has been coming in for two months, i can depart for south africa!  i may do some traveling in the fall and will of course get to spend some quality time with the fam.

summer camp at st. roch just started, so i've been helping with that, and getting to spend time with people i love.  quite a few friends have passed through new orleans on recent visits and it's always a treat to catch up with people who have scattered all over the country.  i'm actually enjoying the support raising process and seeing God really provide in amazing ways!  thank you to those who have already committed to support me and the InnerCHANGE team through prayer and financial giving!! 

moving forward, i will definitely be keeping my blog updated, though i can't make any promises about the frequency.  i'm hoping to use this space as more of an informal arena for my thoughts and reflections and send out more formal newsletters either through email or a paper mail/email combo.  don't forget, you can subscribe to these blog posts (get them directly in your email) by entering your email address in the box to the left that says "subscribe via email"   i love you all and am so thankful that you're with me in this journey!

on Mission Year

over the past several months, as i have put together my thoughts and reflections on the journey that God has led me through, i have gained a new appreciation for each of the "stops" along the way.  one of the most significant places that God has led me was to Oakland, California with an organization called Mission Year.  Mission Year gives young adults an intensive urban ministry experience in order to help them learn to live lives dedicated to loving God and loving their neighbors.  Mission Year has a clear sense of intentionality and purpose and some of the most amazing people in my life were a part of Mission year at one point.  indeed, the values and vision that Mission Year helped to instill in me were very formative in my next life step of joining the InnerCHANGE team in South Africa.

i say all this to give you some perspective on the personal impact of this organization.  sure, i helped tutor kids and cooked meals for neighbors and sang in the choir at the local church.  but, for all the hard work that I put in each day, the biggest impact of Mission Year was on me! God has used and continues to use this organization (and the sweat & tears that have gone into making it) in remarkable ways in the hearts of those who willingly sign up to spend a year in the inner-cities of America.   and i have no doubt that every alumni can say the same thing.

so why am i telling you all this about Mission Year?  because, like everyone else, this organization is feeling the strain of the recession and is in need of support. please check out their website: www.missionyear.org , peruse the team member blogs, look into their philosophy of ministry, etc. i supported Mission Year today and i encourage you to do the same!

**to give to M.Y. online, please click here**

more like falling in love...

this song has been in my head for the past month or so. and it has become a frequent prayer...God move my heart to fall in love with you more!!!


Give me rules
I will break them
Give me lines
I will cross them
I need more than a truth to believe
I need a truth that lives, moves, and breathes
To sweep me off my feet
It ought to be

More like falling in love
Than something to believe in
More like losing my heart
Than giving my allegiance
Caught up, called out
Come take a look at me now
It's like I'm falling, oh
It's like I'm falling in love

Give me words
I'll misuse them
Obligations
I'll misplace them
'Cause all religion ever made of me
Was just a sinner with a stone tied to my feet
It never set me free
It's gotta be

More like falling in love
Than something to believe in
More like losing my heart
Than giving my allegiance
Caught up, called out
Come take a look at me now
It's like I'm falling, oh
It's like I'm falling in love

...It's like I'm falling in love, love, love
Deeper and deeper
It was love that made
Me a believer
In more than a name, a faith, a creed
Falling in love with Jesus brought the change in me


More like falling in love
Than something to believe in
More like losing my heart
Than giving my allegiance
Caught up, called out
Come take a look at me now
It's like I'm falling, oh
It's like I'm falling in love

since we last spoke...

as i mentioned in my last email update, i have made the decision to join the innerchange team in soshanguve for three years! the decision making process was not as quick and easy as i thought it would be, but i know this is where God is leading me.  i felt like this direction was so clear and obvious before i left for my visit to the team but then i got there and there were no sparks, no instant clarity or parting of the clouds.  after much prayer and thought, discussion and processing, i realized that it was indeed what God had been leading me to.  i wondered why, though i had felt such a strong sense of God's leading before i visited, that same sense of clear direction was missing when i returned to the states.  in a moment of worship, i got in my mind an image of a young child learning to ride a bike.  the child rides, knowing and feeling the hand of her parent on the back of that bike.  and, at some point, that parent lets go.  the child must trust the steadiness that she felt when that hand was present and continue on riding.  she cannot expect to only ever ride that bike with that hand always there.  but the symbol of its closeness is enough to allow her to keep on pedaling.

so, three years? yes!  basically, innerCHANGE realizes that the best thing for the apprentice, the team, and the community is people who are committed.  in an international context, especially with language barriers, experience has shown that 1 year is only really a start to scratching the surface of real life among a team and community.  some days when i think about 3 years, it feels like a long time (one/ninth of my life!)  and other days, when i realize i've already lived in new orleans longer than that, it doesn't seem so long.

when am i leaving? after i have raised support!
no, but really, when is that? well....the next step in the process is an assessment with some other CRM and innerCHANGE staff members.  that is scheduled for march 31.  after that i can kick start the support raising process first thing on april 1.  no april fool's joke there! i will need to have at least two months of full support coming in BEFORE i can depart for south africa. so my goal might be around august-ish, but it is hard to say at this point.

the rest of my time of travelling was good!  from south africa, i flew to san francisco for the innerCHANGE orientation.  there i made some new friends, learned more about innerchange, and got deeper into the values and culture of the innerCHANGE family.  i also got to hang out with my wonderful aunt and good friends and mission year teammates heather and jessica!

then, on the tail end of a bad weather week in southern california (some people just can't handle their rain!!) i arrived in san diego.  i got to see andrew and although we didnt make it to the black market bakery, we had a good time driving up through orange county and andrew dropped me off in anaheim for the CRM training. (not sure if i have mentioned this before, but CRM is the umbrella ministry organization which innerCHANGE is connected to) i enjoyed some lovey hospitality, and made some new friends there too. we enjoyed a lovely january day on the beach!  our first part of training was a spiritual retreat to focus on the first thing of importance, our relationship with God!  the  rest of the time was really focused on support-raising training. it's kind of daunting to think about raising money, but i'm excited to see how God moves!

then, on the last leg of my trip, i made it back to chicago to see the fam! and also to see jessica get married! i had such a wonderful time, but it sure does get cold up there in the winter : )

then.....the SUPERBOWL!!!!!! who woulda thunk, when i planned this trip in november, that the saints would be in the superbowl???? i mean, they were having an amazing season, but really. come on. the saints?  but oh yes, the saints!  so, since i wasn't back with my new orleans family, my parents and i had our own new orleans style celebration in deerfield, complete with gumbo, bread pudding, and beads.  and then, you know how it ends, THE SAINTS WON!!! WHOOOOO DDDAATTTTT!  
oh man, if you're not from or weren't in new orleans on this most-apocalyptic day, you just cant understand.  i mean, i wasn't there so i can't REALLY understand but i know it was just absolute craziness. but in the most beautiful way (so i've heard!)

i got back to new orleans in time for the big victory parade, which had an estimated 800,000 people in attendance.  CRAZY!  after that, i got swept up straight away in the craziness surrounding the saints victory, mardi gras parades, and re-connecting with friends after being away for so long.  (i definitely believe that mardi gras is one of those things that everyone should experience at least once in life.  most of it is nothing like the bourbon street debauchery that most people think of.  just good, clean, fun.  and lots of plastic beads!)

after alllll that, i'm finally getting back to the normal craziness of life. i'm working a bit and preparing for support raising. i'm excited to share some opportunities for you to join in what God is doing!

and now for the rest of my thoughts...

check out some pictures from my time in south africa

activities

During the day on Thursday, I drove around with Anna and two of the carers who work at the home-health NGO, Mavis & Brenda. We visited patients all throughout the township. There are a lot of sick people in Soshanguve, whether elderly with high blood pressure and no access to medicine, or people struggling with HIV and tuberculosis. The NGO that petunia and anna work with is a home health program, so each of these patients gets visited at home and their health tended to. the neat thing about visiting these patients on Thursday was that while there was initially a specific “purpose,” there was also opportunity and openness to develop a real relationship. It didn’t seem like there was the typical distance between care-provider and recipient. i watched as the carers took blood pressures, checked blood sugar, laughed, listened, and prayed. and it was so hot that work was done by 1pm.

On Thursday evening it was my turn to cook for the team. Luc was very curious and interested in learning more about my Jewish heritage so I made some jewish soul food. First started with some chicken mirabella that my mom makes deliciously, then kugel and then finished it off with the classic aunt sal’s chocolate chip cake, fresh with chocolate chips delivered from America. The meal was a delicious success, although it got stretched out to two nights because on Thursday there was a big late-afternoon thunderstorm that knocked our power out for two hours, right as I was getting ready to start cooking the kugel. There were no complaints, though, that the cultural experiment lasted longer than expected.

On Friday, I visited the National Cultural History Museum which was very interesting and informative. I learned about the history of migration into South Africa, as well as some of the background one of the most diverse neighborhoods in pretoria.

Comparisons

It was amazing to me how many similarities I found between life in the township and my life in new Orleans. Life is full and vibrant, neighbors are friendly. Many nights I fell asleep to the music and sounds of a bar near the team house. Celebrations are public, as is mourning. Just like in new Orleans when people get a DJ for any sort of event, birthday party, wedding, funeral, in Sosh events like these—whether to celebrate or mourn—are public and open to the whole neighborhood. There is a high value placed on young women having babies and new life, though also risky living when people realize that longevity cannot be taken for granted. There are old women raising grandkids. The children in the neighborhood don’t have a lot of recreational options. Addictions and distractions from daily struggles are a regular part of life. There's a strong presence of “church” culture and a strong need for the gospel to be truly lived out. Unemployment is a big problem, and that also creates opportunities for informal entrepreneurship.

Of course there are differences too, even though many people are fond of saying that New Orleans is like a third world country. Some parts of Sosh have still not been declared fit for

human habitation, which means the government does not provide basic services, like water and electricity, to those informal settlements. Many people are living in tin shacks when people are sick here, they are just as likely to visit a Sangoma as they are to visit a clinic. Speaking of clinics, for a township of over 1 million people, ther are only 4 government run health clinics. South Africa has the highest rate of HIV in the world.

One of the things about returning to South Africa was seeing how it felt, compared to the first time I had been there. And it was very interesting. At first I really couldn’t believe that I had actually made it back! After all that time of wanting to return—then it was real! It took some time into my visit to really realize some of the differences between the first time and this time. First of all, capetown seems to be very different from the northern part of the country, near Pretoria & Johannesburg. The other main thing was realizing that when I studied abroad, I lived with all other international students, many American, and surrounded myself largely with university happenings and culture. Yes I was definitely in South Africa and taking advantage of that, but I still chose to cushion myself with what was familiar and comfortable. Reflecting on this reminded me of when I was in mission year and we were challenged to really immerse ourselves in the culture and the experience. We were challenged to remember that it is so easy to go into a seemingly difficult situation yet still try to protect ourselves with the “safe” and familiar things of life. And there is nothing intrinsically wrong with doing that. But, when we cling to what we know, we miss out on what is new all around us. And that’s what I can remember of my previous time in South Africa. I don’t think I was genuinely immersed in the culture—and I don’t know how much I could have been—and that is totally the opposite of this time. The circumstances are so different, the settings so disparate,yet the temptation to stick with the “familiar” is still there.

What God is doing.

In my debrief with Luc & Petunia, we talked about what we see God doing in Sosh. He is definitely using the skills and gifts of petunia and anna to meet with the sick and not only give them medical care but also offer prayer and compassion. He is using the team as a safe place for neighborhood kids to come and study the bible as well as have fun. He is using Luc to reach men in the community, many of whom would not be the church-going type. He is using the team to develop relationships that might seem unlikely, in order to bring people closer to Himself. God is using the team to challenge many long-held cultural assumptions; a married couple that enjoys spending time together, a father who takes care of the kids and a wife who is not above doing gardening or fixing the car. Even having a white person living in the house, working as part of the team, is such a strong statement of reconciliation in the post-apartheid era in South Africa.

Next Steps

When the conversation came to “next steps” I wasn’t quite sure what to say. The team has graciously and generously offered an open door invitation for me to join them in life and work in Sosh. at the same time, they confirmed and agreed that they trust that God is in control and that He has a plan for me, so that even if I end up not moving to Sosh, they are excited to see where God is leading me.

I really enjoyed my time with the team. I did not see the clouds part and an angel descend telling me my next directives. But I know that I did not end up there randomly. Honestly, I really missed my friends and family and it really began to sink in just how FAR I was from everything that I know. I feel like I am still in a discernment period as to what God is leading me to. Really, I feel like I’m competing with my desires for personal comfort. Can I put them aside for the sake of pursuing God? Seems like such a crazy comparison when I put it on paper, but it’s a real strong pull. this visit also showed me my fondness for answers—having them, knowing them, understanding reasons behind everything. In this case though, I need to keep seeking God’s face and not just his answers. I have to trust that there may still remain some unanswered questions when I make a decision. I am generally commitment-avoidant, at least until the last minute of the deadline. I would prefer someone else making the decision for me. In this case, there are so many reasons to not move halfway across the world. At the same time, I cannot forget all that God has led me through up to this point. As a good friend reminded me, “Don’t doubt in the darkness what God gave you in the light.” Or as I read in The New Friars “The ups and downs of your emotions are no basis for determining God’s will in this matter.” I am so thankful for the time that I had with the team. I will be participating in the InnerChange Apprentice orientation beginning tomorrow afternoon, and I’m hoping that that will help clarify things for me too. Please join me in prayer for discernment and wisdom!

Thank you for all your encouragement and support on the journey so far!